Up All Night, Free Agents (NBC) Series Debuts: How can you go wrong with a comedy (Up All Night) starring Will Arnett, Christina Applegate and Maya Rudolph, produced by the brains behind 30 Rock? Base it around a needy baby. Likewise, how can you miss with a comedy (Free Agents) starring Hank Azaria, Katherine Hahn and Natasha Leggero? Base it around needy PR reps. Both of these new (mercifully laugh-track-free) sitcoms should be waaay funnier than their pilots indicate, and Azaria’s freakishly hairless torso shouldn’t be seen at all—these could be resolved by the next episode, so proceed with caution.
Survivor: South Pacific (CBS) Season Premiere: Is it a musical? No, just the usual bungles in the jungle, now with the added Redemption Island element. Assclown “Coach” returns, as does heartthrob Ozzy—and there’s even a couple of Utahns in the mix. Awww ...
H8R (The CW) Series Debut: Worthless reality trash like Snooki and Kim Kardashian get to confront their most vocal H8Rs (haters—get it?) and ask, “Yo, why you calling me worthless reality trash?” Will the nadirs and the H8Rs hug it out, or slug it out? Exactly: meh. Sadly, I’m sure this will be canceled long before they get to the Episode 8 shouting match I taped with the Cake Boss. Hate that guy …
America’s Next Top Model (The CW) Season Premiere: It’s the all-star losers edition, with past contestants looking to smize their way back into America’s hearts, pants, etc.—even last season’s whiny-ass Alexandria. Also appearing in the ANTM season premiere is Nicki Minaj … shouldn’t she be on H8R?
Hulk Hogan’s MCW (TruTV) Series Debut: The Hulkster launches his Micro Championship Wrestling league (the rasslers are tiny, not the league), and the reality cameras just happen to be rolling.
Also new tonight:
Big Brother (season finale, CBS); America’s Got Talent (season finale, NBC); Buried Treasure (season finale, Fox); Damages (season finale, DirecTV); Necessary Roughness (season finale, USA); I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC); Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Witness (Syfy); Ton of Cash (VH1); Storage Wars (A&E); Top Chef: Just Desserts (Bravo)
Ack! It’s Hank Azaria’s freakishly hairless torso in Free Agents!