In a classic love story, way better than Twilight, local strip club DJ, Frank Hansen (aka DJ Skanky) fell for a girl -- a beautiful young porn star named Cassidy Lynn. And, like any couple who falls madly in love, the two of them were legally married (by an ex-stripper turned ordained minister) at the location where they first locked eyes, Club Wet.
This is probably the perfect moment to mention that a week ago, this blog somehow won first place for the Top of The Rockies region of the Society of Professional Journalists. So with that out of the way, the following stripper-filled wedding video is journalistic dynamite -- you probably shouldn't watch this at work…
Now, whether DJ Skanky kept his word and "put it in her booty-hole," I suppose we will never know … unless, of course, he uploads it to the Internet. But one thing is certain: This was, by far, the weirdest, most fucked up, yet simultaneously awesome wedding I've ever been a part of.
Like many of you, most weddings we're dragged to are held at some boring golf-course conference room, a shitty hotel patio, a dusty old church or -- may god have mercy on your soul -- a rural dairy hipster farm. I'm sorry, but most weddings are lame and predictable. I don't know how many of these things I've been to where I just wanted the minister to skip to the damned end:
Never mind the fact that the groom and his best man weren't in tuxedos, but rather matching plaid shorts and Fireball T-shirts, or that there was a group of pervy dudes who weren't there for the wedding at all, just to gawk at boobs. Those things only added to the charm. This wedding had to be at a strip club. Can you imagine a venue more appropriate for a strip club DJ and an ex-porn star to get married in? No, of course not. So, before you huff and puff about the sanctity of marriage or the sheer audacity of a wedding of this caliber, know that Kim Kardashian spent five million on her sham-wedding, but at least this strip club wedding involved real people who actually care about each other. At its core, it was refreshingly genuine.
I'm not gonna lie: When the stripper-minister said, "You can now update your Facebook statuses," I got a little misty and I was actually excited for the newlyweds. As I looked around the 360-degree stripper stage, I spotted Cassidy Lynn's mother crying, bros in Affliction shirts hugging each other and strippers dressed as she-devils staring enviously at a moment they, too, hope to someday experience. For a brief moment, I kind of wanted toss some singles on the stage.
So, congratulations to the happy couple on your new adventure, and double congratulations on hosting the only wedding that inspired me to stay alert and sober. My only complaint of the evening (and it's a big one), is that for a wedding between a strip club DJ and a stripper, who are getting married by an ex-stripper, in a strip club, that's filled with strip club DJs -- not a single person thought to play this song:
Video shot and edited by Mike Fuchs