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The F-Bomb Video

by Josh Loftin
- Posted // 2010-02-19 -

Legislative firebrands shine in their debut video.

Donning dark suits and power ties, the Utah Legislature's hottest new boy band has unleashed a video that should become the political ad equivalent of "November Rain." It's got everything that makes videos great, including drama (who else will join?), explosions, bling-bling (rollin' with Mr. Mac!), and babes.

The video hit the airwaves last night and, according to Robert Gehrke, the one-man wrecking crew at the Trib, it's dropped like an f-bomb on the Legislature today. (By f-bomb, I of course mean FREEDOM bomb).

For those of you without 3:46 to spare from your busy lives, I am providing you the pertinent highlights. Roll tape, please.

0:11: Mug of Patrick Henry, the godfather of the States Rights Five. Sound bites matter, historical facts (such as he opposed the Constitution) do not.

0:23: Awesome fast-forward from Henry's death to now. Well, last year. You know, when America lost its way thanks to the election of Barack Obama.

0:39: Ah, yes. The person who could have saved America, if only three terms were permitted.

1:01: Life and times of the States Right Five: Rollin' with GB.

1:13: The Justin Timberlake of the States Rights Five, Rep. Carl Wimmer. Only seconds away from a little gunplay, right?

1:16: Hilariously, GB can't even say the word "caucus" without stumbling over the first syllable.

1:29: Yes! Fire!

1:37: Queue the sepia tones. Rep. Craig Frank quotes Henry while impersonating Bob Dole.

1:45: The money shot. Five white guys strutting in the Capitol Rotunda. Draw guns, boys!

1:56: Timberlake explains the purpose of the caucus: uphold the Founding Father principles embodied by the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution. To drive the point home, both documents come flying through the air.

2:02: After a quick costume change in the Gold Room, Rep. Chris Herrod shows up in a grey suit. Is he going to tell us about the monkey bill?

2:16: Rep. Brad Daw, apparently the Dizzy Reed of the States Rights Boys, also shows up in a grey suit but, distractingly, left on his power red shirt.

2:20: The Boys huddle in the lobbyist-free Rotunda. With that much testosterone, guns will surely be drawn!

2:21: No guns? WTF? We now have another official Boys member employing echo for effect.

2:33: Power suits back on. Crotches appropriately protected. They are either the wall on a penalty kick or about to shoot up some Democrats.

2:39: Still no guns. But thankfully, all potentially phallic parts of D.C. monuments are edited out. Still safe for families!

2:42: Not to be picky about history, but Lincoln was not actually a Founding Father. Oh, and he led the country in a war that was fought because a bunch of states tried to exert their supremacy over the federal government.

2:45: I'm getting confused about which Boy is which. Wimmer has the mustache. But all of the others are starting to look the same. Can't there at least be the closeted gay one?

3:02: Live footage of the Boys in action! But where's the guns? And the babes?

3:11: Finally, babes! Oh, wait ... Sen. Margaret Dayton, who apparently had to borrow part of Daw's suit.

3:32: Okay, now we have babes ... in arms! What did you expect? Guns?

3:46: And, cut. Without guns. For that I'm knocking a star off their rating. Come on, this isn't the Gandhi caucus. We want guns!

  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
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