A little less than a decade ago, professional athletes were virtually untouchable by the general public. Thanks to the Twitter phenomenon, that is no longer the case. At the touch of a button, fans everywhere can find out all kinds of juicy details about the life of an athlete—what they are doing for dinner, who they think will win the Masters, where they are, even when they are going to the bathroom. After doing some digging, I have complied a list of the funniest athlete tweets that I could find.
10. Kevin Durant (@KDTrey5): “Scarlett Johanneson I will drink your bath water…#random”
Well, Scarlett, apparently Durant is on the list of dudes who have a totally creepy crush on you. If he gets all the bath water, can I at least have a sip?
9. Steve Nash (@SteveNash): “Room service came as I was getting in the shower. Went in the room nekkid for some shorts and dude is standing there. #awkward”
That employee was lucky enough to see Nash’s “rising sun” At least he didn’t go the Greg Oden route.
8. Stevie Johnson (@StevieJohnson13) “I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS EVER!! THX THO…”
Granted. this was after Johnson dropped an easy catch for a touchdown that would have given his team the lead, but still, Stevie -- come on, now. You really think the good Lord woke up and thought, “Hey, today I’m going to give my guy Stevie butterfingers”. At least he said thank you…
7. Chad Ochocinco (@ochocinco): “We both have our flaws when dealing with one another, women fake an entire orgasm and men will fake an entire relationship, whose fault?”
Thanks, Chad, for that remarkable relationship advice. Do you do couple’s therapy?
6. Antonio Cromartie (@crimetime31): “Man we have 2 have the most nasty food of any team. Damn can we upgrade 4 st8 years the same ish maybe that’s y we cant win the SB we need”
Feed the man! He is tired of eating that old football gruel. Maybe KFC can help. ”Say mashed potatoes!”
5. Metta World Peace/Ron Artest (@MettaWorldPeace): “I think I want one of my ribs removed. Then barbeque it unless the doctor can do something better with them”
Keeping with the food theme, maybe Ron Ron can help out Cromartie. Then again, World Peace has been known to go a bit crazy
4. Paul Bissonnette (@BizNasty2point0): “Hey guys, tip of da day. If u ever have a date over to ur pad, throw the planet earth dvd in. Its panty soup. Bating like .750 with dat move”
Ladies, stay far, far away from Mr. Bissonnette—unless I guess you have an extreme interest for five-disc box sets on what the future holds for endangered species.
3. Dwight Howard (@DwightHoward): “OMG I need help. Lol. I have too much gas lol. I been rippin all day. Even in the game tonight. I know its tmi but. I need something lol.
Damn, Dwight—is that the secret to beastin' dudes in the paint? Wonder how much Shaq cut the cheese. TMI?
2. Darnell Dockett (@ddockett): “I just saw a fine midget she had a little big butt. Cute too w/ a big forehead. She came to my knees for an autograph I sign the top of her head”
Well, Mr. Dockett. now we know what you look for in a woman, and it's good to hear you are always there for your fans.
Ah, just another family dinner with the Pauls. Combine that with your son’s “Blake Face” and you've got the whole look down!
The list goes on and on, but you never have to look far for another classic tweet from an athlete. I even tweet myself at @OliBaby12. Follow me on Twitter for retweets of your favorite athletes and their hilarious quotes.