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The Secret Handshake

July 4th Photos, Proving That SLC Is More America Than Ever

by Colin Wolf
- Posted // 2013-07-08 -

With all that's going on these days, it's easy to say America isn't what it used to be -- that perhaps we've lost our edge. I say, "Horseshit." Who cares that our economy is crap, or that we no longer lead the way in fast-food technology. All that matters is that on the 4th of July, there's isn't a single country that would step into the ring and risk an old-fashioned Abe Lincoln choke-slam

If you didn't get enough America from last week's festivities, or you were absent from one of Salt Lake City's many parades, then refuel your eagle by peeping these highlights. The following photos are from the Murray and Sandy 4th of July parades:

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Proof that when you attach a flag to your car, you can park however and wherever you damned please.


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Stop whatever you're doing and pledge allegiance to their clothes.


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But, as they say, the family that Americas together stays together.


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Just Stone Cold Steve Austen cornering the market on Lady Liberty polos.


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Hopefully, you missed the Murray Fire Department mascot handing out free and terrifying safety hugs.


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This sad girl took some silly string to the face for candy -- the ultimate sacrifice.


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This kid showed a great work ethic and marched in place while he waited for candy.


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And these two just sat there and hoped for some government handouts.


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This young lady was either taking a nap before the parade or thinking about the plot of White House Down.


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Here, you have some beauty-pageant contestants posing in front of a camel ... that we probably won from the Iraq War.


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This couple opted for a safe and tactical vantage point, perfect if you hate kids.


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This gentleman is obviously some sort of American supercop.


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No one has ever hated playing the cymbals more than this poor kid.


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And, no one's ever had a sweatier back than the mayor of Sandy.

Twitter:@WolfColin

Photos by Mike Fuchs

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