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The Secret Handshake

The Worst of City Weekly's Stock Photos

by Colin Wolf
- Posted // 2012-12-24 -

Screw it, I’m taking ‘em down from the inside. You see, here at City Weekly we try to enhance all of our online content with a carefully selected and appropriate photo. The only problem is, unless you snap your own pics, more than likely you have to sift through a massive, free, stock-photo collection. I’m not complaining; sometimes you find some decent gems in there. But the truth is, most of these photos are complete garbage. So, as an early Christmas present, I give to you The Secret Handshake’s handpicked selection of City Weekly’s most awkward stock photos… 

Watch this Ginsu knife slice right through your favorite teddy bear. But wait, there's more!

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 If you've never seen a pirated DVD, this is what they look like. 

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Back in my day, hackers would climb right through your damned screen and steal your floppy disks.  

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This monstrosity would be useful if your writing about ... you know. 

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For all you foodies writing about how to eat an iPad, this is the perfect photo. 

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Or, if you're not a 1-percenter, how to eat a laptop. 

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But hold on, munching on electronics isn't just for chicks. 

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This would be perfect for that "how to save time in the morning" story. 

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Oh, and here's one for that malpractice piece you're working on. 

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Sooner or later, The Most Interesting Man in The World will resort to a celebrity death match. 

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This is what happens to women when you leave the seat up. 

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Strangely, this is what pops up when you search for "penis". 

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Ha! Bro, mine's like ... twice that size.

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OK, prove it buddy.

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Oh, you think I'm joking? It's seriously, like, this big.

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Boooom! See for yourself, bitches.  

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Seems to me you're a liar, sir.

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 Fine. God damn it, I hate you guys. 

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The End. 

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Twitter:@WolfColin

All pics via freedigitalphotos.net 

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