Dear GYA, I can't believe I didn't make England's Olympic soccer team. I'm a little bummed because I've been training all year for this. Do you have any idea how much I had to workout so I'd look good in my H&M underwear ads? Plus, I've been on a steady diet of Burger King smoothies. Bunch of bollocks. Well, it looks like I got some time off. Anything good happening this weekend? - David Beckham
David, I can't believe that all your endorsement work hasn't paid off. Hmm, looks like you're going to have to step up your underwear-ad campaigns. Here are some ideas for your weekend:
Let's start with Friday:
- Stand-up comedian Louie Anderson will be on stage at Wiseguys Ogden, beginning at 9 p.m.
- For even more stand-up comedy action, check out 10 of Utah's funniest at Comedy With a Complex at 8 p.m.
- Crucial Fest 2012 continues at Bar Deluxe, starting at 9 p.m.
- At 8 p.m., the post-hardcore band Hawthorne Heights will be performing at Velour.
- Local rapper Dusk One will be hosting his CD release party at Urban Lounge, beginning at 10 p.m.
- Brewskis is going heavy metal tonight, hosting local bands Spork, Danger Hailstorm, Thunderfist and the Hammercocks. The show starts at 9 p.m.
- At the Rocky Mountain Raceway, check out the Salt Lake Nitro Jam.
- For some free outdoor movies, head to Snowbird Ski Resort at 8 p.m. for a screening of E.T., Riverside park for The Sandlot at 8 p.m. and the Utah State Capitol for Puss In Boots, beginning at 7:30 p.m.
As for Saturday:
- Squatters will be hosting a Downtown Tour De Coop. Basically, it's a self-guided tour of SLC urban chicken coops. The cluckin' starts at 9 a.m.
- Up at Wolf Mountain Resort, the Utah Symphony will be presenting the Music in The Mountains Series at 8 p.m.
- For all things roller-derby related, the Sisters of No Mercy will be taking on the Bomber Babes at 8 p.m. at the Salt Palace Convention Center. This marks the second appearance of the new banked track, so help support the effort and see some hard-hitting action.
- The Spazmatics will be on stage at Liquid Joe's tonight at 9 p.m.
- In Murray, there will be a Grand Opening of a brand-new Wing Nutz. They're giving away free wings for a year to the first 10 people in line at 11 a.m.
- The Comedy Murder Mystery Train will be happening tonight at Heber Valley Historic Railroad.
- As always, the Downtown Farmers Market will be going down at Pioneer Park, beginning at 8 a.m.
And for Sunday's events:
- The Main Library will be the scene of Craft Sabbath: July Boutique, starting at 1 p.m.
- Surf guitar legend Dick Dale will be performing at Liquid Joe's tonight at 7 p.m.
- The King's English Bookshop will be putting on a Where's Waldo Scavenger Hunt throughout the city. Click for more info.
- The Park Silly Sunday Market will be going down in Park City, beginning at 10 a.m.
- At 9 p.m., Kasino Karaoke will be happening at Piper Down.
For this weekend's complete list of things to do, click here.
Wolf is also the author of City Weekly's blog, The Secret Handshake.