Dear GYA, Why is everyone comparing me to an Etch A Sketch? Just the other day, Stone Phillips tried to pick me up by my ankles and shake me till I was pink in the face. Goshdarn it all to fiddle sticks, I'm not a little red box with knobs, I'm a man! Those things are pointless. Sorry about that, it just seems like everyone's trying to poke fun of ol' steady Mitt. Do you have any advice on how to solve this little Etch-A-Sketch problem? -Mitt Romney, campaign bus, I-80
Mitt, no one deserves to be compared to an Etch A Sketch. That's just cruel and mean. At the very least, you're more like a Lite Brite or an iPod Shuffle. I think the best thing for you to do as get out around town and show people that you're an everyday, normal human being. For starters, I would head up to Alta Ski Area for the 26th Annual Snowflake Festival & Chili Cook-Off. This is would be a great photo-op. Plus there's a gnome hunt! The festival is going on all day today and through the weekend.
Then maybe later tonight, you should pop in to Kingsbury Hall to see Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros. Basically, they're a band of gypsies who love to whistle, whack tambourines and dance around with their shoes off. It should be good time and I think you would fit in nicely. The concert starts 7:30 p.m. and tickets are going from $22-$38.
If you don't feel like dancing, then check out The Crucible at the Grand Theatre. It's a play about of bunch of clueless men who don't understand women so they call them witches and burn 'em at the stake. I think you could get a lot out of this one. The show starts at 7:30 p.m. and tickets are $10-$24.
Other events today that are suitable for a man who hates Etch A Sketch:
- The Utah Jazz take on the Denver Nuggets tonight at 8:30 p.m.
- The former star of America's Funniest Home Videos, Bob Saget will perform tonight at West Valley Wiseguys
- The Johnny Cash-inspired musical Ring of Fire plays tonight at the Egyptian Theatre
For today's complete listings, click here.
Wolf is also the author of City Weekly's The Secret Handshake, which you can check out right here!