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The Secret Handshake

Think Outside The Bun: The Secrets of Taco Bell vs. KFC

by Colin Wolf
Posted // 2012-03-08 -

First, you order a Gordita Supreme from Taco Bell. Next, you drive all the way across town to get some KFC popcorn chicken. And finally, you haul ass to get a Pizza Hut P’zone; open it up and cram all the ingredients inside. I know I’m preaching to the choir when I say that obtaining a “Pop’zonita” (or any fast-food mash-up for that matter) can be a huge pain in the ass …

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Luckily, the scientists over at Yum! Brand agree, and have created a nationwide army of franchises wielding the power of chicken, tacos and pizza, often nicknamed “Kentacohuts,” or in some states "The Tri-Force."

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If you came here to comment about how these places are bad for your health, then click here
.

Now before you do one of these, you need to know that SLC no longer has a fast-food fortress of solitude. Well, we do … sort of. You see, awhile back the ‘Hut got the fuck outta here and now what’s left is a KFC/Taco Bell. So, if you’re just finding this out, I’m terribly sorry. However on the bright side we still have plenty of fast-food combos to explore.

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In an effort to discover what our local Kentacobell has to offer, I headed over to the West Valley City location. The mission: Push its vast menu of chicken and tacos to the limit. I consulted a team of experts and we came up with our top 5 off-the-menu Kentacobell combos. Ok, here we go …

5. Crispy Legs on the Cob

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Price: $4.57

Tastes Like: Satan’s butthole

Ingredients: Start with a bean burrito. Open it up and place two crispy chicken legs on either end. Roll it back up.

Comments: This thing is a big, intimidating monster. It’s awful, it’s pricey and it falls apart at first bite. Worst of all, it looks like it belongs in a sequel to the Human Centipede. If someone suggests that you eat one of these … just back away … very slowly.

4. Gravy Nachos

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Price: $.99

Tastes Like: Michael Bay

Ingredients: Start with Taco Bell nachos and smother 'em with KFC Gravy.

Comments: By themselves, these two items are the mainstays of both franchises, so logically they should be pretty decent together. I love KFC gravy, but smothered over nachos this bag of ass tastes like Band-Aids. This was a huge mistake.

3. Steak Nacho Cheese Chalupa Bowl

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Price: $6.78

Tastes Like: Meh

Ingredients: Start with a KFC Mashed Potato Bowl. Hold the bite-size crispy chicken (that typically comes with it) and mix in an entire steak nacho cheese Chalupa.

Comments: I wasn’t sure if this was going to be any good. But after my first bite, I had to give it a reluctant thumbs up. The well-established synergy of mashed potatoes and cheesy steak is a classic tale of tasty. Choosey fast food eaters should give this one a try.

2. Double Decker N’ Cheese Taco

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Price: $1.99

Tastes Like: Gooooooaaalll!

Ingredients: Start with a Double Decker Taco. Hold the bean layer that usually goes between the hard shell and the tortilla and replace with a side of macaroni and cheese.

Comments: Holy shit! If Colonel Sanders ever fucked a taco, this would be the result. At first bite, I closed my eyes and raised my fist in a display of complete satisfaction. It’s cheap, it’s delicious -- dip it in bronze and hang it on your Christmas tree.

1. Crispy Skin Taco

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Price: $1.29

Tastes Like: Michael fucking Jordan

Ingredients: Start by shucking all of the delicious crispy skin from a chicken wing. Then supplement chicken skin for meat in a crunchy taco. Dab on some KFC gravy for extra zip.

Comments: Don't front, everyone knows KFC chicken skin is the bomb. So essentially, you’re eating the best part of KFC wrapped in a taco. The flavor is incredibly awesome. All in all, this tasty, light and savory snack would give Paula Deen a boner.

Twitter: @WolfColin

Colin Wolf is also the author of City Weekly’s daily blog Glad You Asked.

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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // March 8,2012 at 16:10

Crispy skin taco=a poor mans' salmon skin handroll. 

 

 
 
 
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