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Glad You Asked

Welcome to: Glad You Asked...

by Colin Wolf
Posted // 2012-02-27 -

Not sure what to do on a day like this? Well, you’re in the right spot. Glad You Asked is City Weekly’s daily, advice dispensing, know-it-all events blog. It’s like Dear Abby, if she ever left her house and advised you to go somewhere other than counseling. We fear no level of boredom. Got a question about what to do today? Well, we're glad you asked ...

Dear GYA, Ever since Joy Division broke up in 1980, I’ve been looking for something to replace “Love Will Tear Us Apart” on my prospective-girlfriend mixtapes. I haven’t had a date in over 30 years. Any suggestions? – Rico, in Ogden

Rico; I’m sorry to tell you this, but nothing will ever replace Joy Division. However, a close alternative may be Zola Jesus. The American singer/songwriter is playing tonight at Urban Lounge (241 S. 500 East, Salt Lake City) and has been described by critics as electronic-experimental-rock. Her newest album, Calatus, was given a 7.7 by Pitchfork.com. Which is actually pretty good considering those guys hate everything. Plus, Talk Normal and Night Sweats will also be on tonight’s bill. Tickets are still available at the door for only $12. What a deal! This should not only increase your mojo but also free up some loot for extra cassette tapes.

Dear GYA, My Facebook page is littered with photos of me completely wasted. It’s getting ridiculous. In one picture, I’m spewing in a ski boot. The ski boot’s not the issue. The issue is that I’m afraid my parents will eventually see these photos and get pissed. Please help, and don’t say I drink too much. – Michelle, U sophomore.

Michelle; The first thing you need to do is block your parents on FB. When you’re in college, you shouldn’t even let your parents see that you “like” Doritos. It’s none of their business. The second thing you should do is invite your parents to the Chris Swainston: Shooter exhibit today at the SLC Photo Collective (561 W. 200 South, Salt Lake City). It’s a bunch of photos taken of people getting plastered and he framed the photos on the liquor bottles left behind by the subjects. Sooner or later, your parents are going to see your FB page, so taking your parents to this exhibit should lessen the blow considerably. The third thing you need to do is replace that ski boot. That’s messed up, and you’re a horrible horrible person.

Dear GYA, I watched the Oscars last night and Billy Crystal may have removed my soul from my body. Today, I discovered that I now like the Bachelor and eating at A&W. Am I screwed? – Steve, in Sugar House

Steve; You’re suffering a very common ailment felt by most people after watching the Oscars. It’s called Rob Schneider Syndrome, where you start think something is awesome that a normal person would normally think is lame. Lucky for you, Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, Salt Lake City) is hosting the L8D (Elated) Comedy show. The topics of the night will more than likely center around drugs, prostitution and plenty of stuff that’s actually funny. Enjoy.

For more exciting things to do today, click here to view the complete daily listings. Have a question for Glad You Asked? E-mail comments@cityweekly.net

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