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The Secret Handshake

Hello, I'm a T-Pain Fan...

by Colin Wolf
Posted // 2012-02-25 -

If you’re unaware of the musical stylings of T-Pain then you've been living in a world of ignorant bliss. Therefore you should probably just stop reading right now (click here for a safe exit). The 2 time Grammy award winner often puts out hits that critics either categorize as adolescent baby making anthems or middle aged boner killing music. Either way, as part of his rEVOLVEr tour, T-Pain performed here in SLC on February 23rd at the Complex. Here’s what you more than likely missed out on:

T-Pain (short for Tallahassee Pain) has found a niche for himself in the drunken club scene. Like mostknights of pop music he may be some sort of fucked up genius. And when I say genius I just mean that he's really good at usingauto-tune. Which, for the unfamiliar, is a pitch correction voice effect that can make anyone sound like Johnny 5...


If you’re mad because you think I’m hatin’…then click here.

Typically this tactic is something that artists resort to later in life when their career is in shambles and they're completely made of plastic. But T-Pain has banked his career and image around this computerized sound and the people seem to love him for it. In fact, he has an enormous fan base, roughly 5.5 million Facebook followers. When I found this out, I was like whaaaat?!”I'm sorry, but that number seems too damn high. Numbers like this suggest that there are T-Pain fans everywhere. Who are these people? I decided to find out, so I met up with some fans waiting in line for the show last Thursday...

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Ashley, 19 and Jordan, 18

You guys are at the front of the line you must be huge T-Pain fans?

Jordan: Yeahhhh!

Ashley: Definitely!

How long have you been T-Pain fans?

Ashley: Probably 5 years.

Jordan: 2006 son!

What genre of music does T-Pain fall into?

Jordan: I wanna say it’s autotune rap. It’s not it’s own genre...yet. But auto-tune, it’s moving up there.

Is it genre defying?

Jordan: Yeah you could call it that.

I can’t believe that he’s dating Ke$ha isn’t that weird?

Jordan: Don’t lie!

Ashley: Is he really?

Guy standing next to them: No he’s not! He’s not…

OK, I could be wrong about that. What are you guys going to do when T-Pain gets on stage?

Ashley: Yell and scream!

Jordan: I’m gonna get too excited man.

Are you gonna get T-pumped?

Ashley: Wheeew! Yeah!

Jordan: Hah, yup.

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Erica, 17 and Ryan, 22

So what do like most about T-Pain?

Ryan: His swag.

What's swag?

Erica: It’s like, the way he sounds and raps I guess.

What does that sound like?

Erica: Badass.

No, seriously. What does that sounds like?

Erica: Booty work! Booty work!

Ryan: Booty, booty booty booty booty!

He must love ass. So what does T-Pain look like?

Ryan: He’s a G-thug.

Erica: Yeah, you see him on the street and you don’t want to fuck with him.

Doesn’t it piss you off that T-Pain and Lil-Wayne are the same person?

Erica: They are not the same person.

They’re not?

Erica: No, they’re both legit but they are not the same person.

Shit. Sorry.

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Jesse, 17 and Kirsten, 22

You two look freezing. No jackets tonight?

Kristen: You can’t see my sexy shirt with a jacket on!

Man, you guys must be T-Pain’s biggest fans?

Jesse: No

Kristen: Haha, No.

Why not?

Jesse: I don’t know I like a lot of people.

Seriously, who’s better than T-Pain? And don't say Bon Iver.

Kirsten: Drake.

Jesse: Yeah, Drake.

Interesting. What are you looking forward to the most tonight?

Kirsten: Probably the song “I’m in love with a Stripper.”

Jesse: I love that song.

Why is that? Can you relate to that song at all?

Jesse: Hah, no!

Kristen: I want to be a stripper!

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Alexa,15 and Lindsay, 15

So what kind of music is T-Pain?

Alexa: Umm, kind of hip-hop-pop mixed.

Hiphopopop?

Lindsay: Yeah... or R&B I guess.

How long have you guys been T-Pain fans?

Alexa: Since this year.

Lindsay: A couple years.

I can’t believe he’s married to Ke$ha?

Alexa: He is?

Lindsay: That’s disgusting. She’s a skank.

Who would have a better chance at winning on American Idol,T-Pain or a MacBook?

Alexa: Oh a Macbook. They’re amazing.

Lindsay: Yeah, a Macbook.

What if I told you that T-Pain was actually Tyler Perry?

Alexa: Is he really? Wait, who’s that?

Lindsay: No he’s not. Is he?

Twitter: @WolfColin

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