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The Secret Handshake

So, You've Decided to Steal Another Man's Razor...

by Colin Wolf
Posted // 2012-01-04 -

A few days ago, on New Year’s Eve, my roommates and I hosted a house party. Everything was great until the next morning, when I realized some asshole had stolen my electric razor from our bathroom, rendering me unable to shave for a couple of days.

Now, I come from a long lineage of mustache farmers, so a few days without a shave results in something like this

I needed to find a way to shave, and fast. I don’t believe in bucket lists, but there are a few things every guy should do at least once in his lifetime. Yes, colonoscopies are cool, but I’m talking about something way better -- a straight-razor shave from a barbershop.

With no grooming supplies, I figured I would use this opportunity to get my first “baby-face” last Monday at Ray’s Barber Shop at 1328 S. 2100 East.

Trimmed_up.JPG

“OK, it’s really important you don’t talk too much,” said my barber, John, as he cranked back the chair. He peeled off the hot towel and brushed on a soapy lather. It was difficult to shut up because we were in a deep discussion about trendy celebrity trims people ask for.

“Question, do people still request the Clooney?” I asked. “No, not really. But I get a lot of requests for the Deron Williams fade.” “What?! Really?”

“What about Gordon Hayward? Does anyone come in for a Hayward shag?” John shook his head, “Nah, I specialize in fades, for the most part. I really don’t like doing those Justin Bieber cuts.”

gordonBieber.jpg
Huh, I Bielibe John may be right about Hayward’s do.

We then argued about what college Hayward attended. (In case you didn’t know, the answer is Butler. But for some reason, I thought it was Baylor. Come on, both squads have a bunch of white boys who all look the same to me). However trivial, this back-and-forth seemed appropriate, since no barbershop experience would be complete without a solid sports argument …

“Alright man, don’t talk or you’re gonna bleed,” joked John as he slowly and methodically scraped the razor across my face. Not wanting to look like Chibs from Sons of Anarchy, I kept my damned mouth shut.

“You scared?” he asked, while pulling the blade away. “No … I ain’t never scared.” This was a lie. I was kinda scared. But, of course, after saying this, I had that stupid song stuck in my head for the remainder of the shave …

The whole thing wrapped up in about 10 minutes. I lay still while John got his shave on. He got every last hair, gave me a shoulder massage with a vibrating jackhammer thingy and then finished up by dabbing my mug with a cool, minty aftershave.

At Ray’s, this service is called the Classic Shave, and it will run you about $37 before tip. I know, it’s not cheap. But it’s worth it. Plus, there’s something about leaving a barber shop after getting a straight-razor shave that makes you feel like certified boss.

John_and_I.JPG
John is a fade and facial-hair specialist. He works 8 a.m.-2 p.m., Monday through Saturday (excluding Wednesdays).

Yeah, so maybe my 2012 started out kinda shitty, but I was feeling pretty damned good about the new shave. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention: To the poor bastard who stole my razor -- I hope you’re enjoying it. I hope you’ve used it on your face everyday since you stole it from my bathroom -- because,unfortunately for you, on occasion, I've used it to trim my junkyard. Click here to see your mind blown.

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Post a comment
REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // January 5,2012 at 17:10

are you wearing a t-shirt with a pic of John?

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // January 4,2012 at 16:40 Your face looks smooth and clean.  But Colin, buddy, you pic looks too much like Super Dell.  Bring back the fuzz.

 

Posted // January 5,2012 at 04:48 - Thanks for making me laugh on a shitty Thursday morning!

 

Posted // January 4,2012 at 16:46 - I just googled Super Dell... fuck.

 

 
 
 
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