Welcome to The Secret Handshake, City Weekly’s blog of all things too awesome, pointless and inappropriate for print. Think of it as City Weekly’s dirty-clothes pile -- you hate looking at it but inevitably you find yourself digging through it a couple of times a week. Instead of ranting on about what this blog is, it might be easier to explain what this blog isn’t. As good ol' Uncle Ben pointed out in the first Spider-Man movie, “With great power comes great responsibility,” so to you, the readers, I present The Secret Handshake’s manifesto:
1. I promise to never use my blogging abilities to review shit I want for free (unless it’s As Seen On TV products, alcoholic beverages, a Segway or crap from Sky Mall).
2. I promise to never blog about Anime (go somewhere else if you want to read about people who hate their parents and a have secret schoolgirl fetishes).
3. I promise to never blog about how good some place is to eat (unless it considers bacon a condiment and Chipotle an adjective).
4. I promise to never blog about politics (unless I have a picture of someone picketing with a sign that says “God Hates Figs”).
But most importantly,
5. I promise to never interview hot women because I think it’ll get me laid. Gavin’s Underground already has this covered).
Now, you might be asking yourself, “Why the hell is this blog called The Secret Handshake? The name sucks.” Well, it’s simple really. City Weekly turned down all the other names I submitted:
The Mysterious Merkin
Not Affiliated With Fresh Prince
Bangin’ Out With Bieber.
Where Are My Gerunds At?
Whatever Happened To Jesus Jones?
Dave Grohl’s Goatee
The Hot Bottom
After Bill Frost sifted through these name and made an Ocho list with it, he decided we should go with The Secret Handshake.
Every week, I will explore the depths of the Internet, review stuff suitable only for those who hate everything, showcase photos of weird and awesome locals and go on some pointless adventures. Of course, if none of this works there’s always plan B.
I truly hope you enjoy this blog. After all, it is designed for those of you who have the attention span of a squirrel and who typically only read 1/10 of a City Weekly paper (there may be more of you than I think). Since you’ve made it this far down the page, and to commemorate the launch of this blog, I offer you this incredible link ...
I know, I know … you’re glad you clicked on that. You're welcome.