Eight exciting new features at this year’s Utah Beer Festival, happening Sunday, Aug. 26 at the Gallivan Center (in case you hadn’t heard):
8. Bitch Booth, where volunteers will listen to you yammer on about how beer fests in other states are sooo much better.
7. Gov. Gary Herbert ceremonially tossing out the first keg.
6. Mayor Ralph Becker ceremonially recycling the first tossed keg.
5. Insta-Instagram Booth, where you can purchase pre-tinted photos of beer for no-fuss upload.
4. The Historical Con-Tent, where City Weekly writers will explain drinking terms like “quaff,” “imbibe” and other words no one uses in real life.
3. Free, 100-percent natural tanning!
2. Faux Pabst Blue Ribbon cup covers for those too cool to be seen drinking real beer.
1. No drum circle (not new, but needs to be emphasized).