Ask a Mexican | Mexican Homophobia & Proposition 8 

Dear Mexican: I know you’ve been asked variations of this before but I’m going to ask you again anyway. I’m a gay white guy, and I’ve had three relationships with Mexican men in the last seven years. Each lasted from three to six months. This past relationship actually lasted a year and culminated with us moving in together for a month before it ended badly. Mexican: I’ve never been treated worse than by the Mexicans I’ve dated—and yet I’ve also never been happier. When it’s just the two of us, everything is great. But when I’m involved in anything to do with his family, I suddenly don’t exist. Or when we’re out in public, he might cast me aside slightly and others are surprised to find the two of us are dating. “He’s your boyfriend?!” folks exclaim. “He totally ignored you!” Then I answer, “Oh, that! Yeah, it’s just a little game we play. Ha.” n n

My family and friends have never failed to embrace with open arms anyone I’ve dated. But my Mexican boyfriends never seem to know what to do with me. Could they be ashamed of me or themselves? Maybe they have some internalized homophobia going on? Maybe I’m the threat to their family’s structure? This hasn’t resulted in any prejudice on my side. I love and relish Mexican culture and wish my Spanish were better. The thing is, I had a Mexican guy ask me out recently and I’m wary. Should I run off and find a nice blond white guy with Pottery Barn decor? (Ick!) Maybe the candy I’m most attracted to is not good for me? Have I just given myself my own best advice? Should I stick to being friends with Mexican and leave the dating of them to my sister? —Becoming Wary of the Brown Man



Dear Gaybacho: It’s not the mexicanidad in the mariposas you went out with that caused them to treat you badly; it was them. Sure, homophobia remains one of the pathologies Mexicans must work through (more on that in a bit), but I know many queer Mexican men who treat their partners with love and care and don’t hide their relationships from friends and family. The more serious issue es usted: you say, “I’ve never been treated worse than by the Mexicans I’ve dated—and yet I’ve also never been happier.” ¿Qué que? (English translation: WTF???). Don’t enter abusive relationships, Becoming Wary: the only person to blame for them es tú.


Now, back to Mexican homophobia. Gentle readers: Most of you know Mexicans who live in California. Please, por favor, please tell them to vote “no” on Proposition 8, a resolution on California’s ballot that seeks to ban gay marriage. Latinos will finally assert their demographic influence in Golden State elections this year, and it would be a horrible legacy if the first action of the Reconquista is to deny a minority their civil rights—currently, polls show Latinos supporting the initiative. The Mexican only endorses candidates named Alfred E. Neuman, but he does support gente fighting any kind of Know Nothings. Again: vote “no” on Proposition 8—and if you know any homo-hating Mexicans in Califas, tell them to stop acting like sexual Lou Dobbs.



¡ASK A MEXICAN CONTEST! Want a free copy of my latest book, Orange County: A Personal History, the finest book published in los Estados Unidos since last year’s surprise smash, ¡Ask a Mexican!? First person from this paper to send me a picture of themselves standing next to a stop sign with a bag of oranges or some type of fruit gets a copy. Make sure to sell those oranges while you’re posing! Send pictures to the addresses below!



Ask the Mexican at or, or write to him via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433

Pin It

More by Gustavo Arellano

  • Uptight Gringo Ladies

    Also: Why the bedsheet dresses?
    • Nov 7, 2011
  • B to the W to the S-Words

    The three anti-Mexi slurs you used are so 1950s—the only people who use those words nowadays are old gabachos and Alabamans.
    • Nov 1, 2011
  • Conquests & 9/11

    Also: Is 'Mexican' Offensive?
    • Oct 24, 2011
  • More »
  • Ask a Mexican | Crime of Being Undocumented & Clamato Juice

    Dear Mexican: I can’t tell you how disappointed I’ve been these past few days, as a U.S. citizen and ciudadano Mexicano, how I’ve been seeing more and more stories about los narcos and how the Mexican government keeps getting screwed over in newspapers. I think that you should dedicate a whole article in your column telling your gringo readers what their pot and crack consuming h...
    • Feb 4, 2009
  • The Straight Dope | A Lion Shame

    My friend says Christians weren’t actually thrown to the lions in ancient Rome, but when I was at the Colosseum, I saw a big cross there in honor of all the Christians martyred at that spot. He insists this was just made up by the church to perpetuate their religion. What gives? —vbunny nThe story has its suspicious aspects, I guess. According to the historian Tacitus, Christians durin...
    • Feb 4, 2009
  • News Quirks | School Daze

    Curses, Foiled AgainnPolice in Council Bluffs, Iowa, reported that a man who threatened a store clerk with a gun took cash and then pulled out a can of pepper spray and tried to spray the clerk. Instead, he accidentally sprayed himself in the face and ran away. n• A shoplifter who made off with $1,200 worth of designer purses from a store in Cape Coral, Fla., was run over twice by her getaway...
    • Feb 4, 2009
  • More »


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment


© 2016 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation