Ask a Mexican | Loco Dobbs 

Dear Mexican: Is Lou Dobbs right when he says that close to 80 hospitals in California have been closed down because of the illegals, or is he lying? —Cabrónes No Necesitamos

Dear CNN: Dobbs is right to a certain point, and only in spite of his idiocy. The father of two half-wabs spouted off his closed-hospitals claim at least three times: in a Dec. 11, 2006, interview with Charlie Rose, an Oct. 18, 2006, CNN broadcast (where he incorrectly attributed the figure to a spring 2006 issue of The New England Journal of Medicine), and a May 1, 2006, special on that year’s amnesty marches: That day, Dobbs said, “Well, just for the record, it’s about 60 hospitals and clinics in California have had to close [because of uninsured illegal aliens], and in Texas. This is not a new phenomenon, and it’s just one of the hidden costs that the national, the mainstream news media, hide-bound by political correctness, doesn’t want to deal with.” Know Nothing blogs, radio bros, and activists repeat Dobbs’ assertion as gospel, transforming it into an Alamo moment for those circles.

Dobbs first discussed California’s shuttered hospitals in a June 8, 2005 interview with Madeleine Cosman, who had just published “Illegal Aliens and American Medicine,” an essay in the spring 2005 edition of the Journal of American Physicians and Surgeons. Dobbs identified her as a “leading medical attorney,” but the Southern Poverty Law Center later exposed her as little more than a résumé-padding racist who once said of Mexican immigrants, “Most of these bastards molest girls under 12, though some specialize in boys, and some in nuns.” Cosman’s paper claimed that 60 California hospitals shut down between 1993 and 2003 and that “84 California hospitals are closing their doors,” using a Sept. 24, 2004, Los Angeles Times article as citation for the latter stat. Problema is, Times reporter Jia-Rui Chong never wrote such a thing and didn’t even mention immigrants in her piece.

The loco-est part of this mess is that both Cosman and her parakeet Dobbs have their figures relatively right: according to the California Hospital Association (CHA), 82 hospitals in the Golden State folded from 1996 to 2006. But in an August interview with New England Journal of Medicine contributing editor Susan Okie, M.D., CHA vice president of external affairs Jan Emerson noted, “It would not be fair to place the blame solely on undocumented immigrants, but certainly, they are a contributing factor.” Okie’s article also revealed that illegals make up only about 20 percent of the country’s residents who lack medical insurance, and about 10 percent of the “uncompensated care in California hospitals”—10 percent too much, sí, but hardly the invasion the now-dead Cosman and Dobbs want Americans to believe. Strangely, Dobbs has yet to mention Okie’s article.

Why do Mexicans love writing songs about Mexico, Mexicans, mi tierra, etc.? “Soy Puro Mexicano,” “Como México No Hay Dos,” “México Lindo y Querido,” for instance. It starts with the national anthem, which every Mexican knows—that is, if they’re lucky enough to finish fourth grade. It helps brainwash Mexicans into being some of the strongest patriots in the world, with little justification. Want to burn a flag in Mexico? Better call the mortuary. Maybe they were patriotic and the songs came later. So what came first, the patriot or the chant? —Pensive in Mero Pasadena

Dear Gabacho: “America the Beautiful,” “My Country, ’Tis of Thee,” “God Bless the USA,” “The Yankee Doodle Boy,” “Stars and Stripes Forever,” “God Bless America,” “The Star-Spangled Banner,” “Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue”—did I miss any?

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at TheMexican@askamexican.net. Letters will be edited for clarity, cabrones—unless you’re a racist pendejo. And include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we’ll make one up for you!