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Deep End

S.U.S.

Snyderville reacts to a Park City snub.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jul 15,2009 - They can't even get the name out of their mouths: "Sss, Sssnuh, Sssni, Sssnide..." The erstwhile inhabitants of... Snyderville (see, it's not so hard) have always considered themselves to be from ... Park City!

Deep End

Crossing the Line

Romney cultivates an air of sexual mystery.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jul 8,2009 - "Did you see Meet the Press this morning?" My old missionary companion, Mit Romney (he recently downsized his first name, his houses and his family to show that he's taking the recession seriously ...

Deep End

Cosmetic Penury

Utahns share tips for cheap hair-and-skin care.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jul 1,2009 - One of the untold stories of the current recession is the huge toll it's taking on personal grooming habits. People are no longer bothering to bathe, shave, apply makeup or even brush their hair before appearing in public.

Deep End

Fun With Stolen Artifacts

Family togetherness starts with pottery.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jun 24,2009 - I am glad that champions of family values like our two elderly senators, Orrin “The Oracle” Hatch and Bob “Beanpole” Bennett, have come forward to denounce the heavyhanded and family-hostile tactics of federal law-enforcement goons ...

Deep End

Mission to Mars

The Beehive State has a lot in common with the Red Planet.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jun 17,2009 - Utah and Mars go way back together, back to when Brigham Young brought the Saints to this God-forsaken corner of the organized universe. "This is the place," Brigham famously pronounced as he gazed upon the bleak landscape ...

Deep End

Alma Matters

Ten rules for surviving your class reunion.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jun 10,2009 - I'm lucky to be alive. It was the last day of my college reunion, a morning mopping-up brunch for stragglers with late planes or diehards who wanted to wipe every last morsel of nostalgia from the sentimental smorgasbord...

Deep End

On Report

Utah’s applause problem merits an official inquiry.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // Jun 3,2009 - Our report seeks to provide an overview of standing ovations in Utah, their embarrassment to the citizens of Utah, and various attempts to modify or subvert the practice of standing ovations.

Deep End

Jon Envy

Romney is peeved when Huntsman gets all the good publicity.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // May 27,2009 - Mit and I were enjoying a nightcap the day Huntsman got the ambassadorial nod, and Mit had been hitting the bottle pretty hard. Unfortunately, my former missionary companion has never given up his predilection for bourbon and Coke...

Deep End

Teeming Testosterone

What to do with Utah’s superfluous menfolk.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // May 20,2009 - The first signs that something was wrong in the state of Utah were scattered reports of males barging into female restrooms.

Deep End

Speaking ill

Brutally honest obituaries could liven up newspapers.

By D.P. Sorensen
POSTED // May 13,2009 - This is something completely different, something entirely new in the world of obituaries. It is more than a breakthrough; it is a paradigm shift of the highest order...
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