China Syndrome

An expert tells how the LDS church’s Beijing buyout fulfills Mormon prophecy.

POSTED // Feb 19,2009 - The latest blockbuster buy-outthe Chinese governments purchase of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saintshas totally overshadowed the Chinese takeover of Rio Tinto and its Utah subsidiary, Kennecott Utah Copper. Its big, really big, said church spokesman Boyd Smoot.

Deep End

Hue Are You?

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Feb 13,2009 - Former mayor Deedee Corradini, despite her famous red dress, is definitely blue. And former mayor Ross �Sparky� Anderson, despite his favorite blue crewnecked sweater, is definitely red. The blue/red dichotomy being referenced here is the latest classification tool now available to people who like to divide the world up into two kinds of people.

Deep End

Prompt and Circumstance

Don’t confuse dick Nourse’s voice for the still, small one.

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Feb 9,2009 - People (I assume they were Gentiles, since all Mormons are familiar with promptings) wanted to know all about promptings: what exactly a prompting was, how to recognize a prompting when it manifested itself and how to differentiate between a true prompting and a false prompting.

Deep End

Deep End | Alas, Poor Sol: Hollywood legend failed to peg a perfect political move.

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Oct 1,2008 - Recently the family of Sol “Shorty” Goodman, the legendary Tinsel Town impresario, released his voluminous files to an eager public. As might be expected, the files are full of autographed photos, memos (frequently misspelled) dashed off to...

Deep End

Deep End | Smarty Pants: My summer of love with sassy Sarah Lou Palin.

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Sep 24,2008 - People would be making a big mistake if they underestimate my old girlfriend Sarah Palin (when we dated, I knew her as Sarah Lou Heath.) She’s been getting a lot of grief from cynical elitists for her ignorance of American history and foreign policy,...

Deep End

Deep End | What Republic? Plato holds forth on America’s big cave.

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Sep 17,2008 - A while back, a bunch of us were sitting around talking about the election, and, as often happens, someone wondered what so-and-so (some famous figure or another—Thomas Jefferson, Jesus of Nazareth or perhaps Pliny the Younger) would make of what’s...

Deep End

Deep End | On a Role: Mitt predicts a church proclamation on Palin’s place in the world.

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Sep 10,2008 - Mitt was distraught. “Did you see the news?” I hadn’t heard that much pain in my former missionary companion’s voice since the time the German girl he had baptized suddenly refused to go out with him on late-night walks along the...

Deep End

Deep End | Sarah, Smile: Hooray for high-minded, highly babelicious Palin.

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Sep 3,2008 - The Deep End has obtained the top-secret memo laying out the argument for the selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain’s running-mate on the Republican ticket. The memo was written by Karl Rove, who, though supposedly not on the McCain payroll, is...

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Deep End | Milking the P.O.W.: McCain’s memory isn’t what it used to be. Luckily, the candidate’s campaign staff has got his number.

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Aug 27,2008 - In the wake of Sen. John McCain’s inability to remember how many houses he owns, his campaign staff has issued a no-numbers advisory to all members of the media, instructing them that the forgetful candidate will no longer entertain questions requiring...

Deep End

Deep End | Rings True: Olympic Spirit plays the misfit again at Beijing Games

By D.P. Sorensen

POSTED // Aug 13,2008 - Now that the Olympics are upon us, I thought it would be instructive and edifying to talk to someone who has been around the games pretty much from the beginning. Accordingly, I Googled “the Olympic Spirit,” and got the e-mail address and...