POSTED // Nov 24,2008 - My panda bear would be named “Ping-Pong.” When I was 5, we were living in Washington, D.C., and the National Zoo had just opened the Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing panda bear exhibit. Needless to say, I bought in to those two cuddle bears, hook, line and bamboo shoots.

POSTED // Oct 1,2008 - There’s a difference between being cheap and being stupid. This week, I’ve had to make a decision. Shelly was flying from New York City to Los Angeles and managed to arrange a weekend layover in Salt Lake City. This meant two days with my...

POSTED // Sep 24,2008 - It starts off like a joke: A man walks into a bar. However, I can attest, this is no joke, because I was the “man.” This man walked into The Republican (917 S. State). Sitting at the bar were two guys, guys like Statler and Waldorf, the two...

POSTED // Sep 17,2008 - It’s kind of like a math equation: If a cat with four legs has an average territory of 1 square mile, then how far can a three-legged cat travel in two weeks? One block, two blocks? Red fish, blue fish. Now, add to the fact this cat with three...

POSTED // Sep 10,2008 - Each year, I can’t help but feel slighted when my parents put out the Jacobsen Family Christmas newsletter. “Phil is happy his sister is a dentist,” my list of accomplishments began this year, “Because this means he gets free...

POSTED // Sep 3,2008 - I must say I have a certain kinship to Ed Grimley. Played by Martin Short on Saturday Night Live in the ‘80s, Ed Grimley danced and pranced about jumping on furniture opining about what would happen if one day he could meet his idol—Pat Sajak.n“Like,...

POSTED // Aug 27,2008 - There is a city in Germany called Ulm. Even though Salt Lake City collects “sister cities” like a polygamist family collects sister wives, I think we need one more sister. Italy, Japan, Ireland, Bolivia and a few others have a sister city...

POSTED // Aug 13,2008 - Insane with the propane, insane in the brain, I’m cooking with fire now, and it’s a gas. Really, it is a gas. It’s propane. For my birthday, I got a four-burner 60,000 BTU grill and now I am like a backyard Emeril. Bam! Give me meat,...

POSTED // Aug 6,2008 - “This is a job for Super Krod,” Lisa said as she handed me her beer. My friends know that I am a superhero, so it’s time I share the news with you. This probably comes as little surprise. Spiderman, for instance, took photos for a newspaper....

POSTED // Jul 30,2008 - If you’ve got the money, Honey, I’ve got the time. Hello, Honey—get me a beer. Hey, Honey, the dishes are piling up in the sink. Honey? Hello? Oh, yeah—as it turns out, I don’t have a Honey. I’m single. However, this...