POSTED // Feb 13,2012 - A nun abused and enslaved within church walls by drug-dealing priests and scummy bikers receives a divine message on her death bed: Kill ’em all! Gunplay, violence, mayhem and general vengeance ensue—she’s a Sister of No Mercy!

POSTED // Feb 6,2012 - The acclaimed British series about a fancy family and their gossipy servants who all live in a sprawling castle near Hogwarts with a pet dragon named Abbey, Mr. Bean and Doctor Who. I’ve never actually seen this show.

POSTED // Jan 30,2012 - Drive Ryan Gosling stars in a 95-minute ’80s music video about a getaway-driver-for-hire who has to pay off some sketchy characters (Albert Brooks and Ron Perlman) to save the girl he loves

POSTED // Jan 23,2012 - Two best buds’ (Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen) lives are changed forever when one of them (not Rogen) is diagnosed with cancer—and he’s a journalist, so he’s doubly screwed.

POSTED // Jan 16,2012 - AbductionWhen a guy who isn’t a dreamy werewolf (Taylor Lautner) begins to unravel the mystery of his real father, he’s targeted for death by werewolf hunters, er, assassins. Can he, his a

POSTED // Jan 9,2012 - Politician/bootlegger “Nucky” Thompson (Steve Buscemi) cashes in on Prohibition in 1920s Atlantic City in the epic HBO series that should serve as a cautionary tale against involving government with liquor. But, of course, won’t.

POSTED // Jan 2,2012 - ContagionA deadly worldwide virus may kill, but is not limited to, these stars: Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Bryan Cranston, Demtri Martin and many, many more. If only New

POSTED // Dec 27,2011 - A deadbeat drunk (William H. Macy) collects disability checks and leaves his dysfunctional children (including Emmy Rossum—mrroww) to fend for themselves in the crap end of Chicago—and yet it’s still funny as hell.

POSTED // Dec 19,2011 - A 92-pound assassin (Zoe Saldana) who carries 40-pound machine guns is out for revenge against the Colombian mobsters who murdered her parents when she was a child—then things go ridiculously wrong. No, really?

POSTED // Dec 12,2011 - Fright Night Remake: A teen (Anton Yelchin) believes a vampire (Colin Farrell) has moved in next door—but since he’s not sparkly and sensitive, no one believes him.