POSTED // Mar 4,2013 - The 2012 DirecTV series seen by almost no one: A transsexual contract killer (Chloe Sevigny—who else?) struggles with new family issues (she’s a dad!) while doing her job as an assassin. Sevigny handles an Irish accent as well as a penis.

POSTED // Feb 25,2013 - A struggling single mom (Jennifer Love Hewitt) finds work in a massage parlor, only to find out happy endings are on the secret menu—soon, she’s the joint’s premier handjob whisperer.

POSTED // Feb 18,2013 - A CIA “exfiltration” specialist (Ben Affleck) devises a scheme to free American refugees trapped in 1979 Iran: filming a fake Hollywood sci-fi movie and sneaking them out as the crew. Based on true events and awful fashion.

POSTED // Feb 11,2013 - James Bond (Daniel Craig) is back, then gone, then back again and up against his most fearsome villain yet: a cyberterrorist (Javier Bardem) with a ridiculous haircut and a vendetta against M (Judi Dench) and the MI6. Action, action, action!

POSTED // Feb 4,2013 - An airline pilot (Denzel Washington) saves the lives of 98 passengers by landing a damaged plane and becomes a national hero—but was he drunk when he did it? Hey, if you can do your job loaded, you’re a still hero. I am right now. was he drunk when he did it? Hey, if you can do your jo

POSTED // Jan 28,2013 - A Hollywood screenwriter (Colin Farrell) becomes the target of a crazy underworld crime boss (Woody Harrelson) after his friends (Sam Rockwell and Christopher Walken) dognap a shih tzu.

POSTED // Jan 21,2013 - Two broke NYC girls (Ari Graynor and Lauren Anne Miller), at the suggestion of their super-gay pal (a super-gay Justin Long), partner up as phone-sex operators. Funny, sweet and utterly unaware that no one talks on phones anymore.

POSTED // Jan 14,2013 - A high school dropout (Ashley Hinshaw) becomes entangled in the Bay Area porn industry, aided and abetted by a cokehead lawyer (James Franco) and an adult-film director (Heather Graham)

POSTED // Jan 7,2013 - ISIS agent Archer takes on pirates, rednecks, Canadians, cyborgs, space mutineers, drug tests and Burt Reynolds in the most twisted and wrong season yet! The Parents TV Council raves, “Smutty, violent, adolescent ‘comedy.’”

POSTED // Dec 21,2012 - In the fifth and most incomprehensible Resident Evil installment yet, Alice (Milla Jovovich) is back in the leather unitard and battling her way out of Umbrella’s underwater Arctic simulation complex.