POSTED // May 20,2013 - If you loved Twilight, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, Hemlock Grove and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you’ll probably tolerate this supernatural tale of star-crossed teens and the scenery-chewing adults who vex them so.

POSTED // May 13,2013 - Lindsay Lohan and Grant Bowler portray/desecrate Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in the greatest cinematic trainwreck since whatever Lohan’s last movie was.

POSTED // May 6,2013 - A former military investigator (Tom Cruise) attempts to exonerate a man accused of a mass shooting, only to be framed by nefarious forces and, even worse, paired with a co-star (Rosamund Pike) who can’t act to save her life.

POSTED // Apr 29,2013 - Two emotionally-crippled-but-scruffily-gorgeous mental cases (Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence) meet, hate each other, gradually fall in love and then teach us all Valuable Life Lessons—bring on all the shiny awards!

POSTED // Apr 22,2013 - Pretty (Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Josh Brolin) and not-so-pretty (Sean Penn, Nick Nolte) actors play Dick Tracy dress-up in the period Los Angeles crime drama seen by several hundred bachelorette parties in 2012.

POSTED // Apr 15,2013 - Django UnchainedA former slave (Jamie Foxx) and a German bounty hunter (Christoph Waltz) kill every whitey in the South to a sweet soundtrack while looking cool as hell. Pretty much like every other Q

POSTED // Apr 8,2013 - Bad Kids Go to HellSix rich private-school teens stuck in Saturday detention suddenly begin getting killed in horrific “accidents.” If your Breakfast Club radar weren’t already going

POSTED // Apr 1,2013 - The Baytown Outlaws When her crime-lord ex-husband (Billy Bob Thornton) shoots her and takes her godson, Celeste (Eva Longoria) hires redneck goons to get the kid back. In response, Mr. Crime Lord hi

POSTED // Mar 25,2013 - Julia Louis-Dreyfus stars as the hapless vice president in the hysterical West Wing/Arrested Development/Curb Your Enthusiasm mashup that almost makes you feel bad for Joe Biden. Almost—let’s not get carried away here.

POSTED // Mar 18,2013 - Kirsten Dunst, Lizzy Caplan, Isla Fisher and Rebel Wilson star in the hilariously twisted and wrong Bridesmaids/Hangover mashup seen by record-breaking numbers on iTunes … and about a dozen or so in actual theaters.