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Home / Articles / News / Letters /  Act Like Adults, Boozers
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Act Like Adults, Boozers

By City Weekly Readers
Posted // July 15,2009 -

Now that the Legislature has attained “adulthood” as you and your minions claim [“Liquor & Liberty,” July 2, 2009, City Weekly], may I make a suggestion to you and all of your fellow boozers?

Can you begin to act like adults now and quit trying to run us off the road while driving drunk? Stop hanging around the liquor store and asking for handouts. Stop walking down the street late at night screaming profanity at the top of your lungs and otherwise making smartass comments about Mormons.

Robert Grant
Salt Lake City

 
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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // July 20,2009 at 06:08

Kudos to Mr Grant for taking time from his busy schedule of priesthood meetings, tea parties and abortion clinic bombings to educate the unwashed on the perils of Demon Rum.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // July 17,2009 at 14:17

"Well, I only use credit cards now, so I don't have any "spare" anything! Sorry..."(hurries to open the locked car door, jumps in, tries to lock the door unnoticed and drive off).

This is just utter alcohol fantasy-bullshit!

Robert, if your mother is being treated for depression, do I automatically assume that she's drooling all over her straight-jacket as she rams her head repeatedly into the padded cell wall? After all, some do.

If you're a Mormon, do I automatically assume that you're a greedy, immature ninny who will give anyone in your ward your hard-earned life's savings to invest at an unheard of return rate? After all, some do.

If you're a Boy Scout leader, do I automatically assume that you bugger little boys? Some do.

Frankly, I think you wrote this silly letter knowing your juvenile stereotyping would get some attention. Some do.

 

Posted // July 17,2009 at 14:24 - Howdy, Mamba. "Frankly, I think you wrote this silly letter knowing your juvenile stereotyping would get some attention. Some do." I thought the same thing but, as Dr. Ruth knew, even though this letter is crap and we know it, it requires an answer for those that do actually think this way. Some do. BTW, no problem on the credit card thing. I've got a reader here in my grocery cart and can charge you for the amount you're willing to donate. I'm progressive like that.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // July 17,2009 at 08:31

This is typical bullshit-fantasy about alcohol consumption: If you drink you must be a drunk. Since you have to go to a state-controlled liquor store to buy alcohol in Utah, you must one of those homeless beggars who wander around aimlessly shouting at the sky and pushing a shopping cart.

Robert, snap out of it!

If your Mother suffers from depression, do I automatically assume that she's drooling on her straight-jacket while pile-driving her head into the padded wall of her cell? Some do. If you're a Scout Leader, do I automatically assume that you are buggering little boys? Some do. If you're a Mormon, do I automatically assume that you're an child-like idiot who will give all your money to anyone in your ward who promsies 24% return on an investment within 90 days? Some do.

You need to put away your broad-brushed opinions and put on your thinking cap...and not the one with a whirly-blade on top.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // July 16,2009 at 15:52

But hanging around the liquor store asking for handouts is the only source of income for all us drinkers! You don't even want to know how we get money for gas to drive drunk...

Thankfully, smartass comments about mormons are free and plentiful.

 

Posted // July 17,2009 at 09:17 - Got any spare change, mister? See, I'm, uh, on my way to visit my father in Colorado. He's, uh, dying, and well, I'd like to say goodbye. But my car broke down here in SLC and I've been stuck for days. That's a really nice tie you have; looks expensive. So anyway, any change would be good but a couple dollars would be better. Got any spare dollars? See, my dog was impounded this morning while I was sleeping one off...er...taking a nap in the park. I woke up and there was a letter taped to my head saying that they, the dog catcher, didn't want to wake me but had to take my dog because he wasn't on a leash. And, apparently, he was leering at women as they walked by. I understand he'd even looked up a couple skirts. But shoot, who doesn't do that? He does that kind of stuff, my dog. Horny bastard. But he's just the sweetest little guy. I call him taco. Hey, that reminds me, got any spare change for a taco?

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // July 15,2009 at 15:15

If it weren't for Mormons like you, Robert, others may not feel so compelled to make those smartassed comments you seem so bent about. But heck, while we're at it, let's just go over this letter of yours. I drink and will make you a deal:

If Mormons stop texing and talking on their cells while driving, others may stop driving drunk. That way, maybe we'll both make it home safely.

If Mormons stop coming to my house selling religion, I'll stop hanging about the liquor store and asking for handouts. (Just how do you know about that, anyway? Been to the liquor store lately?)

If Mormons stop trying to control the way others live their lives, others may stop with all that nasty profanity. I won't, but others might.

So, we got a deal, or what?

 

 
 
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