MEDIA
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 BEST TV NEWS HOTTIE Nineveh Dinha Born in Sweden with Middle-Eastern roots, you don’t get much more exotic in the Salt Lake City TV market than Nineveh Dinha—you also don’t get this many incorrect spellings of a name on a write-in ballot (among the funniest: “Ninny Divinni”). Dinha was already an Edward R. Murrow news award winner in Arizona before she joined Fox 13 last year, but it didn’t prepare her for City Weekly’s prestigious new Best TV News Hottie prize: “Me?! The girl who was bullied all through elementary, middle and high school voted TV News Hottie? Get out of here! You’re messin’ with me, right?” No way, Ninny. Fox13Now.com 2. Chris Vancour, ABC 4 3. Kerri Cronk, Fox 13 |
BEST RADIO SHOW
Radio From Hell, X96
Radio From Hell is a radio-land miracle. Where else can one find so many disparate features like infrequent interviews with hosts Bill and Kerry’s bastard child Kyle or daily boners? Or how about Punk’s Movies, where Punk treats listeners to a sampling of the creme-de-la-dregs of cinema, like the little known indie gem, Ninja Cheerleaders? And, yet what is most miraculous is that such an ecelectic array of RFH features are strung together with all the humor you expect and none of the typical ass-hat, disc jockey sound effects and shenanigans. Credit here is due to the incredible triumvirate of Kerry, Bill and Gina. Whether it’s Kerry explaining how conversations with check-out clerks must go because no one cares that you gave up on carbonated beverages six months ago, or Bill interjecting in a session between a caller and love-psychic Margaret Ruth to bolster the caller’s confidence by getting her to repeat that her ex is a “douche-nozzle,” or Gina’s never ending crusade against being labeled a cougar, the cement that holds the bricks of X96’s Radio From Hell together are the combined forces of KBG.
X96.com/rfh
2. Radio West, KUER 90.1
3. Maximum Distortion, KRCL 90.9
BEST “GO LOCAL” BLOGGER
Gavin Sheehan, KUTV.com
TV news stations are often out to lunch on the local scene, which is why folks are surprised KUTV 2’s Gavin Sheehan stays up to date on the latest in Salt Lake City arts and entertainment—if they discover him at all. Not sure if his co-workers are jealous much, but the station’s Website doesn’t include Sheehan on its main blog roll, instead burying him in the games section (good luck finding it). Such neglect is a shame, considering the subjects that populate Sheehan’s writing. He ventures off the beaten path to score interviews with, say, the local designer behind “SL,UT,” or a couple of bands whose gear got stolen while they were sleeping. He attends every downtown gallery stroll and tries to feature new artists each month. Bottom line: Sheehan cares. And, unfortunately, these days that’s pretty rare.
KUTV.com
BEST TV ANCHORMAN
Mark Koelbel, KUTV
More than just another pretty face, KUTV 2 anchorman Mark Koelbel is not afraid to step out from behind the desk and get his hands dirty—as he did while covering the 2007 Crandall Canyon Mine rescue operation near Huntington. Koelbel has a knack for marshalling the technical aspects of difficult stories that often elude lesser minds, yet brings a human touch to the often robotic world of TV journalism. Plus, he looks very happy to be playing the drums in that YouTube video. Rock on, Mark!
KUTV.com
2. Dan Evans, Fox 13
3. Bob Evans, Fox 13
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BEST TV NEWS REPORTER Chris Vanocur, ABC 4 Like any institution and ABC 4 reporter Chris Vanocur has his endearing mannerisms. Whether it’s his folksy delivery, his aw-shucks grins when hanging out with the Guv, or the way he punches home his on-camera deliveries with carefully chosen props, it’s always a pleasure to marvel at his time-tested performances. While the glory-days of his Winter Olympics bribery exclusive are long behind him, he’s still trundling out banner-headlined exclusives on the Legislature, the liquor laws and the LDS Church that have other hacks scratching their head at how he does it. While some question just how exclusive some of his stories are, we cry sour grapes. When Vanocur says it’s an exclusive, that’s good enough for us. ABC4.com 2. Nineveh Dinha, Fox 13 3. Rod Decker, KUTV 2 |
BEST BIPOLAR READERSHIP
The Provo Daily Herald
The California Supreme Court’s decision to strike down an anti-marriage law that discriminated against gays and lesbians sent ripples throughout the homophobic community—particularly in Utah. Within hours of the court’s announcement, Utah’s daily newspapers’ message boards filled up with the usual anti-gay/pro-gay babble. (Interestingly, the most horrifying, send-the-queers-to-the-gas-chambers bigoted statements appeared on The Salt Lake Tribune’s site, with the Deseret News’ site apparently frequented only by the somewhat unhinged.) The Herald’s message board, however, included the highest proportion of gay-supportive message of the three dailies. Lest anybody get the idea that an outbreak of sanity had descended on Happy Valley, a Jan. 2 Herald editorial and Web poll showed broad support for Facebook’s decision to remove a photo of Provo mom Heather Farley breast-feeding her child in a flower garden. Pro-equality, but not pro-breast—who says consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds?
HeraldExtra.com
BEST TV ANCHORWOMAN
Hope Woodside, Fox 13
Next year, Hope Woodside will have to give points to the other anchors. This marks her 12th successive win. More than a TV anchor, Woodside has become a phenomenon with her own fanbase that carefully tracks her wardrobe night in and out. Those who watch News at Nine with the sound off, however, are missing some good journalism authoritatively delivered. As other TV news stations continue turning the anchor merry-go-round, the friendly Woodside is likely only to cement her position as the trusted face of Utah TV news.
Fox13Now.com
2. Mary Nickels, KUTV 2
3. Kerri Cronk, Fox 13
BEST CITIZEN JOURNALISM
UtahStories.com
Lord help us ever since our reality was taken over by hostile beings from a strange world called the blogosphere. A strange dimension, which, while providing its share of fun, creative and witty bloggers also opened up a world of “citizen journalists” covering the political beat from their mother’s basement study, dumping their editorial rage and uncorked quiet desperation out into the interweb for all to see and marvel at, and be disgusted by. Thankfully, one site is chucking away with the weblog and running a site aiming for real everyman/woman journalism. Richard Markosian started UtahStories.com after leaving the corporate world to start a documentary filmmaking career. Since creating UtahStories.com, his site’s emphasis has been on local stories by local people. With contributors ranging from pole-dance instructors to Salt Lake City Councilman Soren Simonsen, the site not only embraces citizen journalism, but community journalism. The site editorializes and throws its own opinion around, but the agenda is clearly spelled out. And the format is a nice blend of text and video. Like from another world, this is how citizen journalism was meant to be.
UtahStories.com
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BEST “FACES OF THE FRANCHISE” LONGEVITY Jerry Sloan & Hot Rod Hundley The professional sports world is, if nothing else, mercurial. The jersey you buy today may bear the name of someone who’ll be traded tomorrow, and coaches are treated like fast-food packaging. So it’s impressive to note the rock-solid foundation on which the Utah Jazz have been built, both on the bench and behind the microphone. This season, long-time coach Jerry Sloan become the first coach in NBA history to lead a single franchise to 1,000 wins. And just weeks later, veteran broadcaster Hot Rod Hundley marked his 3,000th game as a Jazz announcer. Makes that Lou Gehrig guy look like a minor-leaguer. |
BEST UNSUNG TV REPORTER
John Hollenhorst, KSL 5
After nearly three decades in the business, you might wonder when KSL 5’s John Hollenhorst might start getting cranky. Or burned out. Neither appears to be the case. Hollenhorst is a true journeyman of the news trade—thorough, balanced, with a keen sense of where he’s going with a story, instead of seeming to make it up as the video rolls. His coverage of last year’s tedious raid on the FLDS compound in Texas was the best on local TV; he remained cool, knew his topic and grabbed a couple of scoops in the process. Hollenhorst can even make a water conservation story sound compelling. Now that’s some skill.
BEST TV NEWS STATION
Fox 13
Many posture that local TV news affiliates are a joke, but while Fox 13’s fun-loving crew often makes us laugh, their antics accentuate rather than detract from the quality of their broadcast. From Big Budah’s jolly approach to monster truck rallies and home gardening expos on Good Day Utah to evening anchors who seem downright approachable, Fox 13 proves that reporters can do serious work without taking themselves too seriously.
Fox13Now.com
2. KUTV 2
3. KSL 5
BEST WEATHER REPORTER
Damon Yauney, Fox 13
When he started with Fox in 2001, Damon Yauney seemed shy bantering with anchors on Good Day Utah. But over the years, he’s become a veritable force of nature alongside Dan Evans and Kerri Cronk. With calm confidence and gentle wit, he manages to smoothly segue from Big Budoh’s antics to his weather updates. Maybe having a lead in a Murray City production of Oklahoma a few years back gave him a boost. His chiseled bod and handsome looks also don’t hurt. But it was probably his pet segments that pushed him over the top this year. When he gets all sweet and cuddly with puppies and kittens looking for a home, what’s not to love?
Fox13Now.com
2. Kevin Eubank, KSL 5
3. Jodi Saeland, Fox 13
BEST SPORTS REPORTER
David James, KUTV 2
It seems like James has had a stranglehold on this category for ages, but it wasn’t that long ago that he usurped regular winner Mike Runge. And all he does to keep his edge is to keep working: as a broadcaster for KUTV 2, as host of Jazz flagship radio station KFNZ’s morning show, as host of Jazz pre- and post-game television programs. His quick wit gives him a distinctive flavor in an over-saturated sports-radio market, while his casual charm makes him a natural for TV. Somehow, in a world where sports fandom can often seem obnoxious, he makes it seem OK to be a smart, reasonable lover of the games.
2. Dave Fox, KUTV 2
3. Wesley Ruff, ABC 4
BEST ONLINE ART COLLABORATION
Its1am.com
In the age of MySpace, local artist Jake Trimble had an idea for something revolutionary, something that was online and collaborative, but that was a little more like “ourspace.” The creation was the Website Its1am.com, a site where people share poems, sketches, photos, even thoughts— mostly random thoughts. Trimble drew the name of the site from a submission he received that read simply: “In a car with two girls, its 1 a.m. And I kinda feel like shit. This is nice; this is summer.” Like all submissions, it is posted without the name of the contributor—a purposeful decision by Trimble, which not only lends the art anonymity but also something universal. Many submissions are photos of scrawls from diaries or notebooks, light sketches or single line poems. The site proves that anonymous Internet commentary can actually be something beautiful, and owned and enjoyed by everybody.
Its1Am.com
BEST RADIO STATION
X96
We decoded X96’s secret to success years ago, but let’s reiterate: It’s as much about the personalities as the music, if not more so. The alternative-rock station’s mix of the new and the old obviously strikes all the right chords with music fans, but without the DJs, a personable lot free of smarmy “I’m in radio!” satin-jacket vibes, it wouldn’t work nearly as well—just ask the other stations that play most of the same tunes to half as many listeners. “I think X96 has a great connection with our listeners, and we’re always able to provide what they want on a local level,” says program director Todd Nuke’Em. “Kerry, Bill, Gina, Corey, Andy, Portia and the rest of us have our own unique interests and personalities to add to the music that we play.”
X96.com
2. KRCL 90.9
3. KUER 90.1
BEST BILLBOARD APOCALYPSE
Leland Freeborn
Just before you pass the small, sagebrush town of Parowan on Interstate15, an extraordinary vision of a blossoming radioactive cloud rises before you. Dominating half of a billboard like a flashback to a 1950s Cold War nightmare, it promotes survival plans for the post-atomic bomb era. Those plans are apparently penned by local Leland Freeborn, aka the Parowan Prophet. While others in the prophet business keep to themselves and scorn publicity like the plague, it’s nice to see some folk taking their, shall we say, colorful views on the road—literally.
ParowanProphet.com
BEST AMATEUR ART CRITICS
The Blanding Values Committee
Since 1989, a sculpture by artist Joe Pachak representing a Hopi fertility god graced the entrance to Edge of the Cedars State Park Museum—that is, until a plucky group of local busybodies got fed up with the sight of it. The reason? Like every self-respecting fertility god, it has a penis. To be precise, what the abstract carving really has is a knobby protrusion, but the mere suggestion of male genitalia was enough for the Blanding Values Committee, and they demanded the sculpture’s removal. Park management complied by moving the sculpture to a remote location in the park, going to show that Blanding is not just a place—it’s also a process.
BEST RADIO ACCENT
Jeff Robinson, KCPW 88.3
After all the upheaval and departures at KCPW, the arrival in August of Morning Edition host and news director Jeff Robinson signaled a new voice on the airwaves. A former TV anchor and reporter from Pocatello, Idaho, Robinson’s youthful features clash with his odd mixture of gravelly yet nasal tones. At the edges of his accent, you can hear so many worlds trying to burst out. A one-time resident of Virginia and California, there’s a definite good ol’ country boy swing to some of his vowels that makes tuning into KCPW sound at times more like an Appalachian hoedown than a news broadcast in the Beehive State.
KCPW.org
BEST JAILHOUSE CORRESPONDENT
John Weston Osburn
City Weekly regularly receives letters from folks in the pokey—generally extremely earnest, sometimes well-written, but invariably far too long for publication. Few incarcerated letter writers, however, display wit and way with words of one John “Weston” Osburn, who wrote in to tell not of “some egregious abuse of power, some travesty of institutional racism or heinous incident of police brutality,” but to complain of a toothache (“My poor old folks paid good money once to straighten out the choppers, and now some sadistic apron-wearing maniac right out of Little Shop of Horrors is going to leave me looking like a meth-ravaged fiend.”). Those of us who can barely function with a loose filling could only marvel at Osburn’s ability to maintain a sense of humor about the whole thing. We hope his teeth found relief.
BEST LOCAL COMIC BOOK
Let’s Go to Utah, Dave Chisholm
Dave Chisholm is a modern day Renaissance man. A classically trained multi-instrumentalist and grad school scholar, he recently revealed another one of his talents with Let’s Go To Utah, a comic book featuring the rather ghoulish adventures of characters based on real-life figures from Chisholm’s world. Besides offering Salt Lake City readers the novelty of seeing familiar people and places in vibrant 2-D, Utah is one hell of an entertaining five-part series. The plot unfolds like a gripping TV series—or, as Chisholm prefers, an epic song. He sets the tone. He controls the pace. Are you ready for the ride?
LetsGoToUtah.com
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BEST MAINSTREAM PUNKS SLUG Magazine Can you still be considered a “punk” zine if you’ve been publishing for 20 years? Salt Lake Underground (isn’t that technically just SLU?) proved “fuck yeah” this year by celebrating two decades of monthly decadence with nary a slip in quality or attitude—in fact, the mag is printing some of its best material these days, and has a potential superstar columnist in the irascible Mike Brown (provided he doesn’t start giving a damn or using words like “irascible”). But, if you’ve been a part of the local landscape since 1989, you’ve officially joined The Mainstream. Sorry, SLUGgers. SLUGMag.com |
BEST FANTASY SERIAL IN A PERIODICAL
Anti-gay columns by Orson Scott Card
Long gone are the days when newspapers could afford to allot space to serial fiction—and more’s the pity; it’s how luminaries such as Mark Twain and Armistead Maupin got their starts. But when Mormon Times needed a writer to produce agitprop justifying the LDS Church’s involvement in a last-ditch California ballot measure to prevent gays and lesbians from marrying, it turned to sci-fi writer Orson Scott Card. It was money well spent—who but Card could have come up with such imaginative arguments against equal marriage as the idea that it would mark “the end of democracy in America”? To give his prose something of a steampunk flavor, Card resurrected long-outdated, quasi-scientific theories to explain that the very existence of gays and lesbians is due to “tragic genetic mixups” and “sex-role dysfunctions.” The only thing that detracted from his sweeping, dystopic vision was that the ballot measure failed—which, unfortunately, meant that Card’s paid rants were limp, sellout failures that will haunt him the rest of his life. His fan base was not impressed.
BEST NEWSPAPER REPORTER
Ted McDonough, City Weekly
Ted McDonough joined City Weekly in 2004, after a decade at Idaho’s Moscow-Pullman Daily News. His weekly news features and Hits & Misses set the editorial tone for this paper as do his cover features which invariably light a fire under our readers. Competing against reporters at the Trib and Deseret News, McDonough was chosen 2007’s Best Reporter at the Utah Headliners Chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists competition. Whether it’s reporting on the demise of Sugar House or an upheaval at KRCL community radio, McDonough’s knack is finding stories that others may not consider significant and then writing the hell out of the stories.
CityWeekly.net
2. Eric S. Peterson, City Weekly
3. Robert Gehrke, Salt Lake Tribune
BEST BLESSED BLOG
Seriously, So Blessed!
Finally a blog that captures the satirized soul of the young, Mormon, wanna-be housewife. Seriously So Blessed! chronicles the parodied (right?) trials and tribulations of young Mormon housewife TAMN (Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole) wife and hubby JJWT (Jordan/Jason/Wes/Taylor). TAMN, with a penchant for acronyms and EXCITED capitalization, shares with the blogosphere her adventures in staying peppy and convincing her DTD (Down-There-Doc) that she’s actually “preggers.” “When I called for an appt, I had to spell it out for the poor receptionist who bless her heart was NOT very sharp. I had to keep saying things like “I’m preggers!” and “Preggo my eggo!” and “My oven has a bun in it!” and “I’m nourishing JJWT’s righteous seed in my fertile gardenbed!” The hilarity of her wishful pregnancy and other calamities like having her hair-stylist BFF fix a bad haircut: “We basically made hair-miracle lemonade out of hair heartbreak lemons, so don’t worry, now I’m hot again. SO greatful for product, and prayer,” have made us at the City Weekly truly heart this blog and we’d be so greatful if this BOU made us BFF’s.
SeriouslySoBlessed.blogspot.com
BEST BLOG BATTLE
Trib’s Glen Warchol vs. Rep. Steve Urquhart
Snarky coverage of the Mark Walker bribery debacle by Tribune columnist Rebecca Walsh and blogger Glen Warchol set off Rep. Steve Urquhart, R-St. George, who criticized the Trib writers on his blog: “I reviewed the, um, reporting of Glen Warchol and Rebecca Walsh, until I felt I had lost 40 IQ points,” wrote Urquhart, adding, “They lobby hard for their tax-exempt status, because they act (cue “God Bless America”) in the public good.” Warchol fired off his own retort in a July 9, 2008, entry entitled “Hallelujah, I’m Biased!” writing: “First, I am biased. I make that clear every day. Second, I am passionate.
Finally, I am a blogger. Yes, I work for korporate media, but I am a creature of the blogosphere just like you.” Warchol ended his rant: “If it seems like I spend more time picking on Republicans, it’s because they are The Power in this state,” and with that cued a video to Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power!” Political blog-brawls don’t get much better, yeeaaah boy!
Blogs.sltrib.com/slcrawler SteveU.com/blog
BEST BREWER
Kevin Templin et al, Red Rock Brewing Co.
Utah is perversely blessed with a high concentration of skilled beer makers and Beehive State drinkers have lots of high-quality suds to chose from. But those who appreciate handcrafted brew lovingly tended by the batch turn to Redrock, which consistently pumps out award-winning versions of classic and complex beer styles. This fall, Templin—Great American Beer Festival’s national “brewer of the year” in 2007—was among a handful in the country to get his hands on a shipment of expensive Amarillo Hops, dumping pound after pound into a floral, easy-drinking harvest ale. Any given year, Redrock brewers create 30 different styles of beer ranging from smoky schwarzbier to organic pilsner, to Dunkel, to Belgin white ale. Redrock also puts out very special, special editions. For Christmas ‘08 it was a Belgin trippel aged in oak casks and clocking in at 10.2 percent. Part of this year’s batch will be poured over Utah cherries and re-fermented for one year before the final product hits liquor stores.
254 S. 200 West, Salt Lake City, 801-521-7446; 1640 W. Redstone Center Dr., Park City, 435-575-0295, RedRockBrewing.com
BEST TORTILLA OF THE FUTURE DESIGN
Michael Dunn, BYU food scientist
Improve upon a tortilla? An ancient time-tested, nutritious food staple that has outlasted entire civilizations? Impossible, you say? Well, BYU food scientist Michael Dunn took up the challenge and not only learned how to make a better tortilla, but created a recipe that small Mexican tortilla mills can re-create cheaply and efficiently. Dunn took the already nutritious staple and examined it for its deficiencies: folic acid and B vitamins. Working closely with owners and workers of Mexican tortilla mills, Dunn and his research team developed a method that can fortify the tortillas with these missing ingredients and without changing the color, texture or taste of the tortilla. The new and improved tortilla is the culmination of four year’s research and development by Dunn and his team who are now seeing to the distribution of the recipe to rural tortilla mills all across Mexico. Felicidades!
BEST EPITAPH
Allen Roberts
As The Leonardo struggled in August 2008 to find a way forward, a new management regime led by consultant Peter Giles and local architect Allen Roberts fought valiantly to save the would-be arts and science museum from a final implosion. At that time, Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker appeared disinclined to give the science museum further funding. At a city council meeting, architect and Leonardo board member Allen Roberts pinned its problems to the wall with a description of the previous management style as pithy as it was accurate: “the pathologically optimistic failure mode that got us nowhere.” Roberts and Giles finally managed to save The Leonardo from itself by winning Becker’s backing.
TheLeonardo.org
BEST BIBLE BELTER
Hilary Weeks
While Christian singer Hilary Weeks is more likely to appear in Deseret News than City Weekly, that’s not to say Weeks doesn’t deserve our attention. The slender, much-traveled Utah-based singer has penned her own spiritual inspirations for the past 15 years. Her smoky timbre and soulful delivery makes even the most obvious Christian paean that much more palatable. You can’t help but wonder what she would do with a contemporary ballad that wasn’t soaked in Christian good graces, a Billie Holiday standard, for example. She’s certainly a pleasure to listen to, with a natural, disarming manner before the mic that quickly earns your admiration.
HilaryWeeks.com
BEST NEWSPAPER
COLUMNIST
Bill Frost, City Weekly
Bill’s had a demanding year, what with helping birth our new Website, CityWeekly.net, while still finding time to pen a column. He also shepherds the monster Best of Utah into the light each year. He might be feeling somewhat bereft now that one of his favorite targets—private clubs—is on the way out. He doesn’t believe the days of print media are numbered, not quite yet. “You can’t sit on the can with your laptop,” he astutely points out. Well, not easily, anyway. It’s Bill’s acid-soaked wit we all keep coming back for, of course, as the enduring success and popularity of his True TV and Ocho columns attests. Bill’s not just the backbone of City Weekly—he’s our king of comedy, too. Long may he reign!
CityWeekly.net
2. Robert Kirby, Salt Lake Tribune
3. Rebecca Walsh, Salt Lake Tribune
BEST RECORDER OF A BACK STORY BEHIND A MEDIA CLUSTERFUCK
Trent Nelson, Salt Lake Tribune photographer
When hundreds of journalists descended on West Texas for two months to cover the state raid on the FLDS compound in El Dorado, Salt Lake Tribune chief photographer Trent Nelson kept careful account of the details on his blog Fly on the Wall (http://166.70.44.68/blogs/trent/). Nelson puts some of his best photos on the blog, as well as ironic and sometimes deeply emotional posts related to the stories he documents. His posts on the FLDS story illustrated the drama, as well as frequent boredom, that comes with hunkering down in a small town to cover a big story.
BEST RELUCTANT MEDIA SPONSOR
St. George Spectrum & Daily News
According to event organizers, the Spectrum agreed to a $1,000 media sponsorship of the Southern Utah Pride Festival, to take place September 2008. Soon after, however, the newspaper apparently had a change of heart. While the Spectrum didn’t back out of its agreement, exactly—begrudgingly allowing its logo to be displayed on promotional material—it may have been the most sub rosa media sponsorship ever. That weekend, the paper’s event listings included an environmental expo, a book festival, an electronics-recycling program and a chili cook-off—but nary a peep about the festival, which attracted 2,500 participants to nearby Springdale.
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BEST UTAH BOY MAKES GOOD David Archuleta Remember how our hearts ardently strived with this Murray High School student as he came closer and closer to being “the next American Idol”? Of course you do. His wide-eyed innocence and sweet demeanor summed up all those freshly scrubbed Beehive State values we all cherish (and betray, in our adorable, jaded, cynical Utah way). Remember the outrage we felt, just before the show’s late-May denouement, when New Yorker music critic Sasha Frere-Jones declared that “Archuleta’s woodland-creature routine feels increasingly forced”? And then, remember how the evil corporate music-industry bastards wielded Our Very Own Boy’s second-place contract to cancel the July “Fireside Chat With David” concert his dad planned as a “thank you” to all us dedicated fans? It just goes to show what you get when you sell out to The Man: treachery and $1,000,000. DavidArchuleta.com |
BEST SPORTS-FOR-SEX EXTENDED METAPHOR
Western Urological Clinic
There may not be any easy way to market vasectomy services ... but this one’s a doozy. During the run-up to the Super Bowl in January, Western Urological Clinic pimped its male sterilization services by suggesting that it was the perfect time to get the procedure, because you’d have an excuse to lie around all weekend while you recover. Additionally, football lingo was sprinkled liberally throughout the text. No “unnecessary roughness,” they promised. And once you’re snipped, you could avoid having “too many men on the field.” It’s surprising that there was no reference to an “empty backfield.”
BEST IRONIC SPORTS SLOGAN
BYU football “Quest for Perfection”
It seemed like a good idea at the time: BYU head football coach Bronco Mendenhall and his troops rallying behind a motto that connected both to the institution’s religious goals and the possibility of an undefeated season on the field. But after a loss to TCU, BYU was left looking up in the Mountain West standings at rival Utah. And instead of BYU, it was another team from the state that went undefeated and headed to a BCS bowl game after defeating BYU during quarterback Max Hall’s “Quest for Interception.” Nothing like creating a motto that looks better on your opponent’s back.
BEST LOCAL BLOGGER
Heather Armstrong, Dooce.com
There’s a reason Armstrong is America’s favorite “mommy blogger,” experiencing more than 4 million page views per month and in demand for product endorsements. Here’s how a pregnant Armstrong opened a March entry about a trip to a blogger convention in Austin: “Last night, I was perched in a stall in a women’s restroom in Salt Lake International Airport, contorted, meditating intently on the idea of going pee, so panicked that I considered yelling out, “HELP! PLEASE HELP ME!” Dooce.com isn’t about cutesy, idealized diaper-changing stories. Armstrong’s writing is thoughtful, profane, honest and always entertaining.
Dooce.com
2. Atropos, Radio From Hell
(X96.com)
3. Gavin Sheehan, Gavin’s Underground (KUTV.com)
BEST LOCAL PODCAST
Geek Show Podcast
What began as a randomly occurring segment on X96’s Radio From Hell in the ’90s is now a weekly freebie download, presided over by RFH’s Kerry Jackson from his basement. Doesn’t hurt to have a popular radio show as a promotional launch pad, but the Geek Show Podcast is more intensively geeky on all things sci-fi, videogames and comics than the old broadcast ever was—if the name Felix Gaeta stirs no seething in your loins, good luck keeping up. More universal are the monthly GSP
GeekShowPodcast.com
2. The Man Hour
3. A Damn Podcast movie double-features at Brewvies, where you can meet Jackson and his away team (Jeff Vice, Scott Pierce, Leigh George Kade, Derek Hunter, Shannon Barnson and a rotating cast of guests) in a casual environment of beer and bro-ship. So say we all!
BEST TEN-HUT!
Sgt. Jill Stevens
Beauty and integrity are both vital in advertising—one gets attention, the other delivers a believable message. Seldom, if ever, do you get both in one package. Then there’s Jill Stevens. The Iraq war army veteran and former Miss Utah now lends her face to Ivory Homes. We don’t know if Ivory needed the help. We don’t know if she has boosted sales in a weak economy. We do know that even if she couldn’t spell, we’d hire her at City Weekly. Don’t think we’re pandering to her looks; we always hire people who can’t spell. However, in her case ... ah, never mind ... we are pandering to her looks. Hey, Jill—when your current gig is up, give us a ring!
BEST NEW MEDIA
PERSONALITY
Karen Carlson, ABC 4
If ABC 4 News was looking to draw some much-needed attention with the recent addition of evening anchor Karen Carlson, mission accomplished—but don’t write her off as simply a pretty face (and immaculately arched eyebrows) parroting copy. Carlson’s an Emmy winner who’s previously worked in markets from Los Angeles to New Orleans, where she spent 20-hour days reporting on Hurricane Katrina in 2005. Only a Best of Utah win could rattle her cool: “Wow! I’m honored, to say the least,” Carlson reacted. “I was so excited to hear the news, I totally messed up my [afternoon promo] cut-in!”
ABC4.com
2. Nineveh Dinha, Fox 13
3. Casey Scott, KUTV 2
BEST ASTROGEEK
Patrick Wiggins
The 21st-century couch potato has sadly lost the night sky. Yeah, most of us can still find the Big Dipper and a few obvious heavenly bodies (like the moon), but that’s about it. Luckily, we have NASA solar system ambassador to Utah Patrick Wiggins to explain what is going on up there on any given starry, starry night. The self-taught astronomer retired from his Hansen Planetarium gig after more than 26 years and now works part- time with the U’s Physics Department and provides science outreach in the public schools. He’s usually a regular presence at star parties in Salt Lake, at the Stansbury Park Observatory or even Bryce Canyon. His quirky humor and down-to-earth explanations of cosmic phenomena make him the perfect dinner-party invitee. He’s an ambassador, after all.
www2.jpl.nasa.gov/ambassador/profiles/Patrick_Wiggins.htm
BEST ROSE GARDENER
Bob Bauer
There are a lot of beautiful rose gardens in the valley, but few are like photographer Bob Bauer’s. He doesn’t look like the genteel soft-spoken man you might expect to find snipping at branches. That’s because roses are just one of Bauer’s many passions and areas of expertise. But for all his interests, his one true love is obviously the rose. He grows 500 varieties, and all of them tenderly cared for and proudly displayed in his half-acre back yard … front yard … side yard … parkway by his yard … it’s unending. Take a drive-by and see for yourself at the corner of 900 West & 200 South. And while you’re admiring the view, don’t forget to roll down your window and take a whiff. A rose by 500 different names smells even sweeter!
880 W. 200 South, Salt Lake City, Rose-Roses.com
BEST APPROPRIATION OF A BELOVED POP-CULTURE PROPERTY
Vincent Surgical Arts Star Wars radio ads
George Lucas hasn’t exactly been reluctant to throw a cadre of lawyers at anyone making use of Star Wars characters for their own profit, so we wonder what he’d think about this South Ogden-based cosmetic surgery center’s local radio spots. A Chewbacca-like grunt accompanies information about laser hair removal, with specific references to the Millennium Falcon and other notable galaxy-far-far-away names. Small-town businesses may think “no harm done” about sneaking such stuff into their ads, until someone objects to the suggestion that Wookiees really need a smoother, sexier look.
VincentSurgicalArts.com
BEST WACKED-OUT RESPONSE
TO A PRANK
The Grey Poupon Gun Wielder
A car load of teenagers in Murray last summer pulled up beside another car at a stoplight . One of the boys rolled down his car window and, riffing on an old TV commercial from the ’80s, asked the man in the next car “Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?” That’s when 22-year-old Vitaly Kovtun responded by brandishing a handgun. “He racked the slide back and basically told the other kid, ‘Here’s your Grey Poupon. Now, roll up your window,’“ Murray Police Detective Kenny Bass told local media. Kovtun holds a concealed weapons permit. He was charged with aggravated assault, a third-degree felony. No information yet on how long it took the teenage pranksters to loosen their sphincter muscles.
BEST AD CAMPAIGN TO GLOSS OVER A FARE INCREASE
Utah Transit Authority
Don’t you just love UTA’s fun little TV ads? Like the one where the car is swinging in a hammock and its owner serves it a drink in a glass filled with motor oil? “Give your car a rest,” the ads say. Meanwhile, UTA keeps jacking up the fares so that a monthly pass now hovers at $67 (even with fuel surcharges dropped), compared with $58 this time a year ago. Like the song of the Sirens, the ads beckon riders, so UTA can sock it to them with outlandish transit fares. Here’s an idea: If you want to increase ridership, drop the TV ads and pass the savings on to us in the form of lower fares.
RideUTA.com
POLITICS
BEST UTAHN
Larry H. Miller
I guess sometimes we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone. Though controversial for many reasons over the years—including his high-profile yanking of Brokeback Mountain from his Megaplex Theaters—Larry H. Miller earned the recognition of City Weekly readers. Whether it was his philanthropy in support of education and medicine, or his commitment to keeping the Jazz in Utah, Miller became more than the sum of his sometimes frustrating parts. The “you know this guy” guy who could cry at the drop of a hat inspired more than a few tears when he died, because even his detractors could acknowledge that he was a guy who loved this state beyond measure.
2. Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr.
3. David Archuleta
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BEST ACTIVIST Rocky Anderson Anderson made a seamless transition to full-time activist after two terms as Salt Lake City mayor. Not that he had to change much. Anderson’s High Road for Human Rights organization operates from the premise that Anderson fans, if they band together, can force politicians to do the right thing. Last year, Anderson took on his old nemesis former-President George Bush head on, lobbying Congress to investigate abuses of presidential power. High Road also is pressuring for action on global warming, sex slavery and genocide. HighRoadForHumanRights.org 2. Tim DeChristopher 3. Jacob Whipple |
BEST POLITICAL CONTORTIONISM
Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff
When the California Supreme Court struck down the state’s unconstitutional anti-marriage law, the Utah A.G. wrote a letter asking the Cal Supremes to defer its ruling until after marriage foes had a chance to amend the state constitution in November. A few days later, Shurtleff wrote another letter to the Utah Pride Center assuring Utah gays that he was no homophobe and reminding them that he had opposed Utah’s 2004 anti-marriage amendment. Some dismissed it as typical election-year posturing, others tried to parse an accompanying complicated legal explanation, but the whole sequence of events only served to confuse gays and homophobes alike. California declined to heed Utah’s unsolicited legal advice, and gay and lesbian couples joyously commenced getting hitched in June. Still, even for a Utah Republican, playing both ends against the middle is a dangerous political game.
BEST POWER BROKER
WHO DOESN’T NEED A BIG STICK
Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon
Teddy Roosevelt, one of our more beloved presidents, is known for saying, "Speak softly and carry a big stick." Small of stature, perhaps Roosevelt needed a big stick. Not so with Salt Lake County's ultra-popular Democratic mayor, Peter Corroon. He's not small for starters—on most days, he tops out at over 6 feet tall. He is not known to ride his pony into a hail of withering bullets, either. Rather, Corroon wins people over with an old-fashioned ethic barely remembered in these parts: hard work and integrity. While two of Salt Lake City's recent mayors had scandals or obsessions larger than their positions, and while the former Salt Lake County mayor and any number of wannabees were mired in their own nefarious brews, Corroon has never been even sniffed at when it comes to malfeasance. He gets the job done the right way—which is just that, the right way. Corroon is popular on both sides of the political fence—a rare feat in Utah anytime. He gets it done without the stick.
BEST OVERBLOWN FEAR
Mutual Commitment Ceremonies
As a newly minted Salt Lake City mayor in early 2008, Ralph Becker made a domestic-partner registry his first order of business. He clawed and bitch-slapped on the Hill to prevent lawmakers from crushing his unborn initiative. And after Becker wrested the registry from the bloodthirsty jaws of the Republican majority and rechristened it “mutual commitment,” he must have been underwhelmed when less than 20 couples had signed up by the first of June. Response was so lackluster that Valerie Larabee, executive director of the Utah Pride Center, urged the GLBT community to consider registering as part of Utah Pride Festival in early June. She herself had not even bothered to register, according to a June 3 Salt Lake Tribune article. She speculated that people had too busy of lives. Two things: 1. The registry must be kinda lame. 2. What were all marriage-amendment die-hards afraid of?
BEST HORRIFYING LEGISLATION
The Unborn Child Pain Prevention Act
OK, so what have we tried so far? Implementing a mandatory waiting period for abortions? Check. Requiring providers to subject clients to “counseling”? Check. Making a Clockwork Orange-type video with images of aborted fetuses and interviews with women who regret having had abortions in the past? Check. And all this during a very stressful and traumatic period in a woman’s life? Check. Well, how about just making abortion illegal? Sorry, no can do—unconstitutional. And expensive. Very, very expensive. OK, then, how about this: We force doctors to offer pain medications, not for the client, but for the fetus? Oh, that’s evil. Can we do that? Yep—check and check.
BEST ELECTED OFFICIAL
Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr.
He did what no governor before him could ever—or ever bothered to try—to do: He poured a shot of sanity into Utah’s bizarre liquor-law cocktail. Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. has accomplished much during his two terms, but killing off private clubs will be the stuff of legend, his personal Berlin Wall (if not Zion Curtain). And our 2009 Best of Utah voting was over by the time it was passed into legislation! He didn’t even have to ply you with the promise of an easy cocktail. This round’s for you, Gov. Huntsman!
2. SLC Mayor Ralph Becker
3. SLCo Mayor Peter Corroon
BEST CONSERVATIVE MANIFESTO
The Sutherland Institute’s “Onus or Opportunity?
Conservatism and Illegal Immigration in Utah”
For those who shake their heads and wonder, “What the hell were those conservatives thinking?” it helps that Utah has The Sutherland Institute to turn to. The conservative think-tank produced an immigration policy report that suggested getting a federal waiver to form a guest-worker program specific to Utah (which a House resolution supported this session), increasing education for children of undocumented immigrants, and lobbying Congress for humane immigration laws. Hopefully, conservatives themselves will take heed of institute director Paul Mero’s final remarks: “There is nothing conservative about the ‘enforcement-first’ approach to immigrants already living here illegally. It is time for authentic conservatives to step forward and accept responsibility to address this issue in principled terms, as opportunity not onus.”
SutherlandInstitute.org
BEST BAR STOOL FRIEND
Kathryn Balmforth
If you’ve sat through the at-times heavy proceedings of the Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control Commission monthly meetings, then you’re grateful to Commissioner Kathryn Balmforth. Her staunch passion for walking through political and cultural minefields is admirable and entertaining. Even though she’s facing a room full of crusty bar owners and club people giving her the evil eye each time she growls her thoughts, Balmforth is fearless. She speaks her mind, ably representing the interests of her fellow Mormon non-drinkers on a commission that now happily places greater value on small businesses than the LDS Church’s special interest in liquor. As such, in the name of diversity, she should be appreciated for the contested splendor she brings to the liquor-law fray.
ALCBev.state.ut.us
BEST LESSON
President Monson’s Blessing of Utah Valley University
Listen, my children, and learn the lesson: If you think you can rename an institution of higher learning in Utah County—even one funded by taxpayer dollars—and not be visited by the prophet of the LDS Church to receive a blessing, it proves you have a lot to learn, which is why you’re enrolled in college, er, rather a university in the first place. Let’s all sing together: A spoonful of dedicatory prayer helps education go down ... in a most delightsome way.
BEST NEW GRASSROOTS NETWORK
bCollective
For freelance artists of any medium, the term “creative professional” is just a creative way of saying “living paycheck to paycheck.” Making a go of it alone is
risky—and scary—which is why Robin Ballard formed bCollective, an
organization that works off the motto ”BeCreative. BeCollaborative.
BeTogether” by providing like-minded individuals with access to shared
resources not available in most home offices. Located on a corner of
historic South Temple, bCollective’s shared space is filled with
mid-century furnishings, plus hi-speed Internet and more. It takes a
village, right?
780 E. South Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-983-7371
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BEST PEACEMAKER Luke Garrott Being active in the community, it turns out, is more than just a campaign slogan for District 4 Salt Lake City City Councilman Luke Garrott. In September 2008, the councilman was injured intervening in a knife fight underway in his neighborhood. Garrott, trying to keep the peace, got between the enraged knife-wielding men only to be punched several times in the face and knocked down. The skirmish soon broke up, and Garrott wasn’t seriously hurt. But props to the man—the street cred alone of showing up to a knife fight armed only with cajones should make Garrot’s political adversaries think twice before messing with this badass public servant. |
BEST POLITICAL GIMMICK
Rep. Jason Chaffetz
Who knew? What the people want in a congressman is a cheapskate. Utah Republican Rep. Jason Chaffetz (newly elected for 2009) made headlines by announcing his intention to sleep on a cot in his U.S. House office rather than take an apartment in godless Washington, D.C. The stunt landed Chaffetz on national news shows, The New York Times, and The Colbert Report (where he got to leg wrestle with the host). “Cot guy,” as Chaffetz is known, also filmed an MTV-style reality series on CNN called Freshman Year. Now all Utah’s 3rd District needs is a representative on the floor.
