LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
A Brazilian man told his wife he wanted a divorce. Consumed with wrath, she laced his orange juice with a sedative and then sliced off his penis while he was unconscious. Fortunately, surgeons successfully reattached the organ. Later the man absolved his wife of her sin, and they reconciled. “She was stressed and I understand her reasons,” he said. I hope his saintly feat inspires you to be equally magnanimous, Libra. It’s a perfect moment for you to forgive people you thought you could never forgive—to go way beyond your previous limits in extending tolerance, mercy, and slack.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
In his book Starbucked, Taylor Clark claims there is a woman who goes into a Seattle Starbucks every day during the morning rush and orders a “decaf single grandé extra vanilla two-percent extra caramel 185-degrees with whipped cream caramel macchiato.” Maybe her request seems overly fussy and demanding, but in the next 12 days I encourage you to be equally as exacting in asking for what you want. You have a poetic license to be extremely specific as you go about your quest for fulfillment.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
During his 21 years as Prime Minister of Canada, Mackenzie King (1874-1950) sought counsel from ouija boards, crystal balls, psychics, and spirits. As one of the most powerful Sagittarians who has ever called on supernatural sources for help in making practical decisions, he’s your role model in the coming week. It’s time, in my astrological opinion, for you to seek information from beyond your old reliable sources, including at least some that transcend the fixations of your rational ego.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll says he’s periodically asked about what it takes to be a writer. He has two pieces of advice: “Good writers read a lot, and good writers write a lot.” I urge you to apply that approach to whatever skill it is you’d like to master, whether it’s building a boat, traveling where the tourists don’t go, satisfying a lover, or anything else. In other words, practice, practice, and practice some more as you study the work of those who are experts in the field. Now is an especially ripe time for you to identify what this skill is for you, and to sign a formal agreement with yourself in which you promise to steadily upgrade your mastery of it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
I encourage you to fantasize abundantly about improbable combinations and seemingly unnatural juxtapositions, Aquarius. For instance, imagine that through the magic of genetic engineering, a mad scientist crosses a giraffe and a hippopotamus to produce a giraffopotamus. Or imagine reading an essay that brilliantly compares apples and oranges. Or watch the musical comedy film West Bank Story, which portrays the love affair between an Israeli soldier and a Palestinian cashier, both of whose parents operate competing falafel restaurants on the West Bank. Doing things like this will put you in the right mood to respond creatively to the unusual syntheses that fate will soon make available to you.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
It’s time you acknowledged that you are a miraculous work of art, a masterpiece unlike any other ever created. I’m not pandering to your egotism by telling you that. When I say, “Be yourself,” I don’t mean the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of history on top of a Mt. Everest-sized pile of pretty garbage. When I say, “Be yourself,” I mean the self that says thank you to the wild irises and the windy rain and the people who grow your food. I mean the self who’s joyfully struggling to germinate the seeds of love and beauty that are packed inside every moment. I mean the spiritual freedom fighter who’s scrambling and finagling and conspiring to shower all of your fellow messiahs with your best blessings.
Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.