My favorite news source, The Onion, reported on a proposed law that would prohibit marriage between any two people who don’t actually love each other. Couples whose unions are rooted in mutual antipathy or indifference are of course protesting the plan, insisting that they have as much of a right to wed as those who care for each other deeply and treat each other tenderly. Whether or not this proposal becomes a formal part of the legal system, Sagittarius, I urge you to embrace it. In fact, I’ll go so far as to ask you not to do anything at all unless you are at least somewhat motivated by love. The coming months will be a time when your success will depend on your ability to rise to new heights of compassion, romance, eros, tenderness, empathy, and affection.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Let’s imagine we’re fifth-century monks living in the land that today is known as the south of France. And let’s say we decide we’re going to build a chapel in a place that has long been a pagan shrine dedicated to the moon goddess Selene. Shouldn’t we consider the possibility that our new house of worship may be imbued with the vibes of the previous sanctuary? Won’t our own spiritual aspirations be colored by those of the people who for hundreds of years poured forth their devotions? Now shift your attention to the present day, and apply our little thought experiment to what’s going on in your life. Tune in to the influences that may be conditioning the new thing you’d like to create.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
I would like to steal your angst, Aquarius. I fantasize about sneaking into your room tonight, plucking your nightmares right out of the heavy air, and spiriting them away. I imagine sidling up to you on a crowded street and pickpocketing your bitterness and frustration—maybe even pilfering your doubts, too. I wouldn’t keep any of these ill-gotten goods for myself, of course. I wouldn’t try to profit from them in any way. Instead, I would donate them to the yawning abyss, offer them up to the stormy ocean, or feed them to a bonfire on a primal beach. P.S. Even though I can’t personally accomplish these things, there is now a force loose in your life that can. Are you willing to be robbed of things you don’t need?
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
In 2011, I bet that memory won’t play as big a role in your life as it has up until now. I don’t mean to say that you will neglect or forget about the past. Rather, I expect that you will be less hemmed in by the consequences of what happened way back when. You’ll be able to work around and maybe even transcend the limitations that the old days and the old ways used to impose on you. Your free will? It will be freer than maybe it has ever been. Your creative powers will override the inertia of how things have always been done.
I vividly remember seeing singer Diamanda Galas in concert. Though classically trained, she didn’t confine herself to mellifluous melodies and elegant tones. She was a whirlwind of elemental sound, veering from animalistic bellows to otherworldly chants to operatic glossolalia. It was all very entertaining, and often enjoyable. The skill with which she shaped the sound as it escaped her body was prodigious. My companion and I agreed that “she made your ears convulse and your eyes writhe and your skin prickle—but in a good way.” How would you feel about inviting some similar experiences into your life, Aries? The astrological omens suggest this would be an excellent time to seek the rowdy healing that only disciplined wildness can provide.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Here’s a haiku-like poem by Cor van den Heuvel: “the little girl/ hangs all the ornaments/ on the nearest branch.” My comment: It’s cute that the girl crams all the decorations onto one small section of the tree, and maybe her parents will keep them that way. But I recommend that you take a different approach as you work to beautify and enliven your environment. Spread out your offerings; distribute your blessings equally; make sure that everything in need of invigoration gets what it requires.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
This is a good time to go in search of any secrets you’ve been hiding from yourself. I suggest you also try to track down the “missing links” that aren’t really missing but rather are neglected. My advice is similar for the supposedly “lost treasure” you’re wondering about: Clues about its whereabouts are lying around in full view for anyone who is innocent enough to see them. P.S. Being uncomplicated isn’t normally your strong suit, but this is one of those rare times when you’ll have an aptitude for it.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
In the TV comedy series Arrested Development, Buster Bluth was an adult character who was a bit over-attached to his mother. It seemed to have to do with the fact that he lingered in her womb for 11 months before agreeing to be born. The obstetrician claimed “there were claw marks on her uterus.” I want to be sure you don’t make a comparable misstep in the coming weeks, Cancerian. It really is time for you to come out and play. Ready or not, leave your protective sanctuary and leap into the jangly, enchanting tumult.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
I have imaginary friends who help me. And yes, they sometimes even give me ideas for your horoscopes. Are you OK with that? Among the many other perks my secret buddies provide, they show me where my cell phone and car keys are when I’ve misplaced them—a prime sign of their practical value. What’s your current status in regards to imaginary friends, Leo? Do you even have any? This would be an excellent time to seek them out and put them to work. In fact, I encourage you to do anything that might attract the input of undiscovered allies, behind-the-scenes collaborators, mysterious guidance, and divine assistance.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Might there be a message for you in the mist on the window? Can you find a clue to the next phase of your destiny by scanning a newspaper that the wind blows against your leg as you’re walking? Be alert for the undertones, Virgo. Tune in to the subtexts. Scan the peripheries for the future as it reveals itself a little early. You never know when the hidden world might be trying to slip you a tip. You should be alert for the deeper storylines weaving themselves just below the level where the supposedly main plot is unfolding.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
A musician who records under the name of Shamantis took Justin Bieber’s silly pop tune “U Smile,” and slowed it down 800 percent. The new work was a 35-minute-long epic masterpiece of ambient electronica that The New York Times praised as “ghostly” and “oceanic.” More than 2 million people tuned in to hear it on the Internet. Might there be a comparable transformation in your future, Libra? From an astrological perspective, it’s prime time for you to transform a pedestrian exercise into a transcendent excursion, or a trivial diversion into an elegant inspiration, or a meaningless entertainment into a sublime learning opportunity.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
More than a few wildlife films use deception to fool the audiences into thinking they’re watching animals in the wild. So says Chris Palmer, a producer of many such films. “One classic trick involves hiding jellybeans in carcasses,” he told New Scientist. “If you see a bear feeding on a dead elk in a film, you can be pretty sure that the bear was hired from a game farm and is looking for sweets hidden in the carcass by the film-makers.” I suspect you will encounter a metaphorically comparable ruse or switcheroo sometime soon, Scorpio. It’ll be your job to be an enforcer of authenticity. Be on the lookout for the jellybeans.
Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.