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Home / Articles / News / Cover Story /  No Good Choice Page 2
Cover Story

No Good Choice Page 2

Why Rusty Speake gave up her adopted daughter.

By Carolyn Campbell
Posted // March 9,2011 -

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Division of Child & Family Services statewide adoption specialist Marty Shannon says that in 2010, of the 609 adoptions that DCFS facilitated, only five babies were drug-exposed or had fetal-alcohol syndrome and were adopted by single women (three of whom were related to the babies). “Very few children come back into state custody from a prior adoption,” she says. “The children who come back into custody from an adoption are no longer infants, and there could be many life factors that could play into the reason they come into DCFS custody.”

Utah Department of Human Services public information officer Elizabeth Sollis says that permanency is always the goal of DCFS. “It is extremely unfortunate for a child and the family when the child returns to state custody, regardless of the reason,” she says. “We are sensitive to these issues and work to ensure the child has what is needed to minimize and deal with any trauma associated with such circumstances.”

Every child is unique, she says, and most parents know what is going on with the children they adopt. “Some children have more or greater medical or mental-health needs, and these needs are discussed with each adoptive family prior to the actual adoption,” she says, “[but] it is difficult to predict long-term medical or mental-health needs.”

JustMom2_effect.jpgAdoption attorney Ellis stresses that Speake was an ideal candidate to adopt. “Rusty does a great job in a very difficult situation. She has a good job and makes a good income. She is nurse who has specialized training in medical problems that might arise. And she is so dedicated to her children’s needs. When Emily needed care that was only available in Texas, Rusty quit a job she had had for a long time and moved to Texas, just to get the care that Emily needed. When the treatment was complete, she moved back.”

He adds that Speake recently held the position of managing respiratory therapist at her work, making more money and working more hours than usual. “She made the choice to give up that job just because of the number of hours it required. Besides making visits to Emily, her two sons attend a charter school that requires her to commit to volunteer hours there. She had to take a substantial pay cut because she wanted to do the best job she could as a parent.”

Her sacrifices must have counted for something because, Ellis said, “When we got to court, we learned that the state was not seeking a finding of abandonment against Rusty. Emily remains in state custody because her condition makes her ‘dependent.’ ”

Ellis explains that Speake’s current status is that she is still Emily’s mother and, while the state has legal custody, Speake is entitled to be involved in the teams that make decisions about Emily’s care and treatment, even though up until Feb. 16, that hadn’t happened. Speake is statutorily required to maintain health insurance for Emily and also pay child support to the state while Emily is in state custody.

A logjam broke loose recently. While DCFS declined to release case-specific information about Speake’s daughter’s case to City Weekly citing privacy issues, on Feb. 16, the day after City Weekly submitted questions to DCFS, Speake began receiving e-mails from DCFS. One e-mail from a DCFS foster-care worker said Speake was partially to blame for not being involved in Emily’s care, reminding her that she missed a meeting in September 2010 as well as subsequent team meetings due to a series of scheduling conflicts.

Also on Feb. 16, Speake received a copy of a Treatment and Service Plan for Emily dated Sept. 27, 2010. The last page is the Treatment Plan Review Team Meeting Signature Sheet, signed by several people and dated Sept. 27, 2010. “I don’t believe I was invited to any meeting on 9-27-10,” Speake says. She also received a page of handwritten notes from a Jan. 27, 2011, meeting that she was not invited to attend. She also received an eight-page behavioral plan with an in-service date of Oct. 5, 2010; however, the bottom of each page is dated Feb. 16, 2011, the day after City Weekly submitted questions to DCFS.

Wrong on So Many Levels
These days, Speake visits Emily once or twice weekly, driving from their family home in Midway to Emily’s foster home in West Valley City. “We go eat, go to movies and go shopping. She is always really happy to see me,” says Speake. Emily is not allowed to visit with her brothers, which requires Speake to make other arrangements for them when she travels the 103 miles per visit. “I don’t have the boys with me, so she gets all of my time and attention.”

Speake does not like to complain about Emily’s status as a ward of the state but does admit to feeling frustrated that Emily has seen a therapist only three times in nearly six months of state custody. “Emily was receiving weekly therapy at Valley Mental Health in Park City when she was in my home,” she says. “UNI told me that Emily needed daily intense therapy, and weekly therapy was not enough. How are three therapy sessions in almost six months going to help her?”

Although she pays child support, Speake also continues to buy her items that she feels Emily needs, such as jeans and socks. Sometimes when Speake visits, she notices that Emily’s hair is dirty. Speake feels that her foster mom doesn’t want to risk one of her meltdowns and therefore doesn’t insist that Emily wash her hair.

In a recent letter to DCFS, Speake requested a different foster home. “I don’t want to make it worse for Emily, but the bottom line is, sometimes I don’t even feel that she is getting some of the basic care she needs. Nobody else is as vested in her as I am.”

During a recent visit with her mom, Emily agreed to speak with City Weekly. She said she understood she is living away from home because of hitting her brothers. “They make me mad and they are annoying. I don’t like talking about it,” she says.

She attends fifth grade in public school, although due to myriad learning disabilities, “the bulk of her classes are resource classes, most at about a third-grade level,” says Speake. Emily appears to get along OK with her classmates and has not exhibited violent behavior toward any children other than her brothers. At her new foster home, most of the children are grown, but a 15-year-old daughter lives there.

Emily says she misses her cat, Kassidy, and her old school. She says that her foster mother sometimes yells at her and once called the police on her. She says she wants to come home and sleep over at Speake’s house. Near the end of the interview, Emily asked her mom, “Why don’t you believe me instead of my brother?” referring to the bicycle-throwing incident.

After Emily left the table, Speake clarified that the question revealed that Emily still denies her responsibility in the bike incident. Speake continues to hope that Emily will soon receive the residential therapy that she needs. “Why won’t [the state] provide the services for her, in my custody, rather than having to put her back into state custody? Now that I have to do this, I am adding issues to a kid that already has issues.”

Speake says she realizes that the state “is not going to be happy with me” for comments made in this article because she knows the state’s position is that adopted children are exactly like natural children in terms of parents’ responsibility. Even though the state makes a good effort to inform parents that kids could have a lot of issues, “the real issue for me is that they make it sound like there will always be support, post-adopt services, in-home services, therapy and respite. Those things don’t exist right now and weren’t available for me.

“I don’t deny my responsibility to Emily and did not want to have to place her back in state custody. I had no other way to get her help,” she says. “How is it in Emily’s best interest to be placed in state custody?” She concludes, “This is just wrong on so many levels.”

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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // March 22,2011 at 03:51

Hmmmm, so because you could not handle the choice you made, which was to adopt these kids, you blame the state for not providing help to you? Either im mistakened or your crying over the choice you made. Why adopt these kids if your going to point fingers at other people for the outcome of your choice?

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // March 22,2011 at 03:39

No good choice? Publishing this article was one BAD choice. Looks like this article caused more bad for the child. That's just sad.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // March 21,2011 at 19:00

Not alot of people can understand your situation Rusty, But there are those few that do. I truly think that unless you have lived it you truly wont understand it. Its people like that speak out about situations like this that make a difference for others.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // March 17,2011 at 20:08

When i read this article i could not believe a so called mother would allow for this article to be published. I have no clue what this "mother" was thinking! A mother is suppose to protect their child, how is this article protecting her at all? My kids go to the same school as this little girl on the pictures, today my kids told me that she cried in the bathroom at school today because the kids keep teasing her. I hope city weekly and this mother hold responsiblility for that. Protecting this child? Exactly how did you do that! Getting help for this child? This article did nothing but make matters worse for this child! It amazes me how far city weekly went for a story that brought this little girl down today. For her "mother",I am ashamed of you. What were you thinking! I am a mother of a problemed child and never would I give up my child at the moment my child needed me the most, and then to publish it to the public? I would be ashamed to call myself a mother if i were you! I hope mothers, REAL mothers reading this realize their role as a mother, and what not to do! RIDICULOUS I SAY!

 

Posted // March 21,2011 at 23:36 - I think, yes stand up for yourself, but do it another way without hurting your child. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of mothers who feel a child is too much, but not every kid is the easiest to deal with. Why would you blame the state for how your child is? They are not the parent, you are. Be a parent and find a way, don't just post an article on how things are not working. I'm pretty sure if every parent did that, the newspaper would turn into a 100 paged novel. There were other ways to go about this. You have got to look for them, other than just writing about it. Come on now.

 

MEL
Posted // March 20,2011 at 19:56 - All I'm saying is that this article put a sad effect on her daughter. Yes be mad at the state for whatever reasons you have, but to bring your daughter down as well is uncalled for. Her daughter was teased at school because of this article! The bottom line is this article was published with pictures and videos, which hurt this poor little girl. You keep talking of how this mother did so much for this little girl, but your missing the part of what this little girl is going through because of this article. You keep saying she's trying to love and help her child, exactly what was the outcome of this article for her daughter? Her daughter was called a murderer and lost friends due to the change of schools. She's still in foster care and all this article did was make her life harder than it already is. I thought the mother would publish this article to HELP her daughter, this article only brought her into tears. The outcome could have been prevented if the mother saw every angle this article would be taken for. The first angle being her daughter and the daughter's surroundings. Which should be every mother's intuition don't you think? Yes the mother has been through a lot, I'm sure almost every mom has. But a little girl at her age should not have gone through what she did, and it only happened because of her mother's decision to publish this. The only one who did the crying out loud, was her daughter from this article. Yes mother's sacrifice a lot for their kids, but what mother sacrifices her daughter's life that she was living at the moment, for her own personal need of a story? That is the other side you did not see nicole, was the effect it had on her daughter. Which should have been the only point that mattered from this article. Yours truly, MEL :)

 

Posted // March 20,2011 at 17:36 - Okay I don't know how many times I have pointed out that yes it was a mistake to put her picture on here. But I am not going to exchange nasty words with you anymore. If you would like to come to my house and talk about this in person and explain both sides of view, I would be glad to. You can then meet my 16 year old foster daughter (which I work for the same agency that this child is in as well) and my 8 year old daughter! I have not "come on here posting" things that are not true. Everything I have said is the truth (well maybe except the part about you sending the article to school with your child). To end this ... you keep talking about me understanding both sides of the story ... well I have them. It is sad all the way around that this child fell through the cracks of our "great" system. One last question, if this same thing was happening to a child with cancer or some other disease, and the state was not willing to help, would you be saying what a horrible mother she is, or would you be saying, "that poor lady, look what she is having to deal with for having the heart to adopt 3 special needs children and now no one will help with the situation?" But because it is a mental illness, people look down at her for not being able to provide the absolute best for her. I mean for crying out loud, she moved states just to get her the best neurological care she could get ... and that is not total commitment and love to you? Yours truly, Idiot, stupid, shallow Nicole :)

 

MEL
Posted // March 20,2011 at 16:54 - The pictures are included in the article, therefore makes the WHOLE ARTICLE WRONG! Whether it be a little or big part of the article it is wrong.It made her daughter cry and that's that! A mother should not do that whether trying to prove her point or not, try it another way without hurting your children! But she obviously didn't think it clearly which makes this all just sad. They called a little girl at school a murderer, does that really not set off any flags to you? Really Nicole? My kids play willh this little girl and she is a sweet little girl. I know all the children that my kids play with, and I am aware that she is foster care. But if you were really a foster mom you would know there more possibilities than just being her teacher or a therapist of talking with her. You obviously haven't spoken with this little girl lately. Yes I know she changed schools, doesn't mean my kids didn't see her crying at school.Now you are really the "sketchy" one here, saying you are things you really are not. Get the story from BOTH sides nicole, instead of just agreeing with the little knowledge that you have. Don't come on here and post when you really don't know what your talking about.

 

Posted // March 20,2011 at 08:50 - This mother did not GIVE up her child. She did not say, "Oh today I don't want her anymore so I think I will drop her off at the state." No, since she started school she had been trying to get help, and the state WOULD NOT help her because she had legally adopted her and the services she needed were NOT under the post adoption services. She had no other choice but to protect the other two children in the house. She also did not just turn her over and say, "Hey today I am going to have an article written about our story ... she STILL was fighting for her daughter, trying to get her help, also paying child support to the state, AND seeing her daughter as much as possible. She in no way gave up on her. Maybe she did make a mistake by letting them put the pictures on here, but YES that was the only thing wrong with the article. If not for the pictures, they did not use her real name, so it would have never been brought back to her. Since this story, other families have come forward with similar issues and also some advocating agencies for children. So this article DID HELP! It is upsetting that the girl was upset, but I want to know how you personally met with this girl, because right as this happened she was taken away from the classes and had to be picked up. So unless you are a teacher or therapist at the school, you would have not had contact with her??? Maybe the school should be asked why they were letting unknown "parents" talk with her without the guardians permission! (Which I personally don't think happened) Sketchy!!!

 

Posted // March 20,2011 at 02:43 - Heard they called this little girl a " murderer" at her school. I would be upset at my mother if this happened to me, I see that. Should have thought this out clearly before publishing this.

 

Posted // March 20,2011 at 02:37 - I think the mother did a good job on attacking the state and foster agency. But also hurt her daughter, wrong of her to put her daughter down like that. That's just sad. Should have done that a different way than this.

 

MEL
Posted // March 20,2011 at 02:19 - Excuse me nicole the idiot! You know this family personally, and you think it was right to publish this? THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT HER DAUGHTER AND IT DID NOTHING FOR HER, BUT HURT HER MORE! Her mother put her in foster care, and tells everyone on the city weekly ( a free public newspaper) that her daughter tried to kill her brothers, What mother does that! Obviously one like you, who wasn't thinking of her daughter's life that she was having at the moment and the affect on her from it! No only idiot mothers like you! Yes taking care of a problem child can be hard at times, but you don't BLAST their business all over a public newspaper, and all for to what? Stand up against the state? You would do that to your child? Really? And you called me shallow? IDIOT YOU ARE INDEED! No nicole, I did not give my children the city weekly and I never will. But I'm pretty sure that the kids from the school saw their classmate on THE FRONT PAGE and asked why? That's what most likely happened OBVIOUSLY! Are you really that stupid nicole? I think so. This could have been prevented from the beginning, by not publishing this in the first place! You say the only thing wrong with this article was posting the picture? Are serious? IT MADE A LITTLE GIRL CRY! So unless you do that on a daily basis, it is wrong! No mother should cause that for a daughter especially if the mother gave her up to the state! She doesn't even live with her anymore, and caused her daughter pain! I went to tell this little girl that she is still welcomed from my family and you know what she tells me? That her "mom is stupid and knows what really happened with her brothers is NOT TRUE!" She tells me that her mother told her "the lady who wrote the article will post whatever she needs to sell the story." But you wouldn't know that right? Cause your just a family friend that only hears one side of the story! Now that is shallow nicole! Shallow like the idiot you are.

 

Posted // March 18,2011 at 15:39 - Wow Mel! Sounds to me like you are the ridiculous one. I know this family personally too, and I feel the mother had no other choice. She could not get any help from anyone, and I am sure it is happening with many other families as well. She wanted to shed light on the situation so that it doesn't happen to others. I praise her for having the balls to stand up to the state and the foster care agency when they "encouraged" her not to come forward with the story. Now she is getting blame??? Wow you are really shallow. I have a mentally disabled daughter in my home as well, and some times I have wondered if I could keep her here as I worry for the safety of others. BUT, I have the help from the state in these situations as I am a foster parent. Yes, I understand it wasn't the best interest to publish her picture, but that was the ONLY misstep in this article. The best part of your response was when you said, "I am ashamed of you ... What were you thinking?" SHE WAS THINKING OF THE SAFETY OF HER TWO OTHER BOYS! Yes the daughter was crying as kids were teasing her about her picture being on the "front page" of a magazine that their parents read, but they DID NOT know why she was on there or even what it was about. I am also ashamed of the "parent" that LET their child bring "City Weekly" to school to tease this child about it. Oh my bad, it was probably you! To end it, I am ashamed of you as a mother to not understand the difficulty that this woman was faced with and the compassion to understand how turned around their lives have been since last year.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // March 11,2011 at 15:51

I'm not sure I understand why the City Weekly is protecting "Emily's" name, but showing her face. How is that protecting her? Why even bother changing her name?

 

Posted // March 15,2011 at 11:35 - Has the birth mother ever been charged with anything regarding child endangerment? she was obviously actively using whilst pregnant three different times. if she is so inclined to shoot up, why not shoot up some depo-provera along with her drugs. she should do some serious time for having children be born with such awful circumstances that could easily be prevented.

 

Posted // March 11,2011 at 20:52 - If Ms. Speake has abandoned Emily to the custody of the state, how can she give permission for anything involving this child?

 

Posted // March 11,2011 at 19:22 - Emily's mother gave us permission to publish the girl's name, photo and video image. We chose not to publish her given name. At some point, we may consider removing the photos/videos from our online archives. But for now, the images of Emily and Rusty are compelling and help readers grasp this family's unique challenges.