Eight soft-touch layoff e-mails for the holidays (CCed to HR):
8. "All employees: If you drew Susan's name in Secret Santa, please discard. Susan: I need to see you in my office."
7. "That was a lovely gift basket you brought in yesterday. Think the contents of your desk would fit in it?"
6. "Holiday hint: Unlike impersonal e-cards, real Christmas cards can be burned for heat."
5. "Another holiday hint: With the right prep, your Christmas ham from the company can feed you for at least a month."
4. "So, remember how you thought those after-work stripper-pole classes were a waste of time?"
3. "Since we´ve just learned that you're Jewish, note that this e-mail should have gone out on Dec. 11."
2. "Will everyone who made fun of Mr. Hansen's festive holiday sweater at the office party please report to the south parking lot."
1. "Christmas is a time to be with family, and you're really going to appreciate how much time we´ve given you."