True TV | Praise Be: 50 Cent, Survivorman, Yeti, Blush, Cha$e, Estate of Panic, Moral Orel 

50 Cent: The Money & the Power
nThursday, Nov. 6 (MTV)
nSeries Debut: Thought the Rich Douchebag Hires a Dozen Delusional Idiots reality-TV show had run its course? Ha! Says MTV, rapper/entrepreneur/bullet-hole spokesmodel 50 Cent “will share the lessons he learned as a street hustler and how those lessons allowed him to become the massive success he is today.” You know, through challenges like “running through the streets of Brooklyn chained together, and competing in a trash-talking contest,” though I’d like to add “attempting to understand a damned word fey Fiddy mumbles when it’s not set to a beat.” If he kicks you out of the competition, how ya gonna know?

Survivorman
nn

Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon
nSaturday, Nov. 8 (Sci-Fi)
nCanadian D-List Horror Flick Alert: Carly Pope (mrrrow), Peter DeLuise and Crystal Lowe crash their plane in the Himalayans and must battle freezing elements, aversion to eating fellow humans and the Abominable Snowman! Suck on that, Les Stroud!

Blush: The Search for the Next Great Makeup Artist
nTuesday, Nov. 11 (Lifetime)
nSeries Debut: There are no more jobs left in the fashion world to base a reality-competition show around—then again, I’m sure I’ll be proven wrong when Bravo rolls out Project Doggie Sweater or Tim Gunn’s Guide to Manscaping. But, the overly long-titled Blush: The Search for the Next Great Makeup Artist is at least notable for being hosted by former Las Vegas star Vanessa Marcil (double mrrrow) and … yeah, that’s about it.

Cha$e
nTuesday, Nov. 11 (Sci-Fi)
nSeries Debut: Reality-competition show wherein contestants are tracked by hunters in Los Angeles via a game board. So, how exactly is this science fiction?

Estate of Panic
nWednesday, Nov. 12 (Sci-Fi)
nSeries Debut: Reality-competition show wherein contestants face challenges in a scary house. Again, how is this science fiction? Or does Sci-Fi now stand for the Scintilla of Fizz channel?

Moral Orel
nVarious Weeknights (Adult Swim)
nCountdown to the End: Cartoon Network has canceled the only series on mainstream TV (well, Adult Swim) that teaches the difference between Righteousness and Wrongteousness anymore; the final episodes of Moral Orel are currently airing on sporadic weeknights with little scheduling rhyme or reason (tentative remaining dates are Nov. 6, 11, 13, 17, 19 and Dec. 18). Dino Stamatopolous’ stop-motion-animation kinda-tribute to 1960s Christian cartoon Davey & Goliath is the darkest, creepiest Adult Swim entry ever, and yet it’s still nowhere near as dark and creepy as the real-life Sunday morning evangelical shows you tend to only notice on hung-over Daylight Savings Time fall-back weekends (ahem, personal experience).

Young Orel of Moralton, Statesota, strives to live by ingrained Christian values, but everyone around him is an emotionally effdup religious hypocrite who inevitably leads Orel on a moral misadventure in the name of The Lord—hysterical stuff, especially ’round these parts. Conservative assclown, er, watchdog L. Brent Bozell, founder of the increasingly irrelevant Parents Television Council, once wrote that “this series of unfunny, wildly inaccurate smears crosses a line from good-natured ribbing to mean-spirited character assassination.” This from the guy who suggested earlier this year that Barack Obama shouldn’t be president because he likes hip-hop. Seriously. This country still needs Moral Orel, Cartoon Network!

DVD
nn

More New DVD Releases (Nov. 11)
nBlood Wars, Carousel of Revenge, Cruel But Necessary, Flaming Lips: Christmas on Mars, Hellboy II: The Golden Army, Mind of Mencia: Season 4, Night Gallery: Season 2, Scrubs: Season 7, The Sopranos: The Complete Series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Tracy Ullman’s State of the Union

Listen to Bill Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96’s Radio From Hell. Minus-pants blogging at BillFrost.tv. Even more True TV linkage at MySpace.com/TrueTV and on Facebook.