50 Cent: The Money & the Power
nThursday, Nov. 6 (MTV)
nSeries Debut: Thought the Rich Douchebag Hires a Dozen Delusional Idiots reality-TV show had run its course? Ha! Says MTV, rapper/entrepreneur/bullet-hole spokesmodel 50 Cent “will share the lessons he learned as a street hustler and how those lessons allowed him to become the massive success he is today.” You know, through challenges like “running through the streets of Brooklyn chained together, and competing in a trash-talking contest,” though I’d like to add “attempting to understand a damned word fey Fiddy mumbles when it’s not set to a beat.” If he kicks you out of the competition, how ya gonna know?
n n nFriday, Nov. 7 (Discovery)
n n n Blessn
n n n Forgiven
n n n n Cursen
nSeason Premiere: To open Season 3, Les Stroud kicks it up a notch and gets lost in the exotic locale of … the Sierra Nevada? Stroud says he’s trying to go more domestic and relatable to the average viewer; City Weekly honcho/lone office Survivorman fan John Saltas says, “So what? You roll over and you’re in Reno.” Next week, Stroud hits the Colorado Rockies, and he didn’t even stop by to say hi to John—you’re on Private Eye notice, Les.
Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon
nSaturday, Nov. 8 (Sci-Fi)
nCanadian D-List Horror Flick Alert: Carly Pope (mrrrow), Peter DeLuise and Crystal Lowe crash their plane in the Himalayans and must battle freezing elements, aversion to eating fellow humans and the Abominable Snowman! Suck on that, Les Stroud!
Blush: The Search for the Next Great Makeup Artist
nTuesday, Nov. 11 (Lifetime)
nSeries Debut: There are no more jobs left in the fashion world to base a reality-competition show around—then again, I’m sure I’ll be proven wrong when Bravo rolls out Project Doggie Sweater or Tim Gunn’s Guide to Manscaping. But, the overly long-titled Blush: The Search for the Next Great Makeup Artist is at least notable for being hosted by former Las Vegas star Vanessa Marcil (double mrrrow) and … yeah, that’s about it.
nTuesday, Nov. 11 (Sci-Fi)
nSeries Debut: Reality-competition show wherein contestants are tracked by hunters in Los Angeles via a game board. So, how exactly is this science fiction?
Estate of Panic
nWednesday, Nov. 12 (Sci-Fi)
nSeries Debut: Reality-competition show wherein contestants face challenges in a scary house. Again, how is this science fiction? Or does Sci-Fi now stand for the Scintilla of Fizz channel?
nVarious Weeknights (Adult Swim)
nCountdown to the End: Cartoon Network has canceled the only series on mainstream TV (well, Adult Swim) that teaches the difference between Righteousness and Wrongteousness anymore; the final episodes of Moral Orel are currently airing on sporadic weeknights with little scheduling rhyme or reason (tentative remaining dates are Nov. 6, 11, 13, 17, 19 and Dec. 18). Dino Stamatopolous’ stop-motion-animation kinda-tribute to 1960s Christian cartoon Davey & Goliath is the darkest, creepiest Adult Swim entry ever, and yet it’s still nowhere near as dark and creepy as the real-life Sunday morning evangelical shows you tend to only notice on hung-over Daylight Savings Time fall-back weekends (ahem, personal experience).
Young Orel of Moralton, Statesota, strives to live by ingrained Christian values, but everyone around him is an emotionally effdup religious hypocrite who inevitably leads Orel on a moral misadventure in the name of The Lord—hysterical stuff, especially ’round these parts. Conservative assclown, er, watchdog L. Brent Bozell, founder of the increasingly irrelevant Parents Television Council, once wrote that “this series of unfunny, wildly inaccurate smears crosses a line from good-natured ribbing to mean-spirited character assassination.” This from the guy who suggested earlier this year that Barack Obama shouldn’t be president because he likes hip-hop. Seriously. This country still needs Moral Orel, Cartoon Network!n
n n n
n n n Beer for My Horsesn
n Toby Keith, Rodney Carrington, Claire Forlani, Ted Nugent, Willie Nelson, Barry Corbin and Tom Skerritt star in a movie based on Keith’s song, about vigilante deputies, drug dealers and wasting perfectly good beer on horses. (Lionsgate.com)
n n n Clutch: Full Fathom Fiven
n The Greatest Band on Earth’s first-ever DVD, recorded live on the 2007-08 tour! An hour and a half of brain-melting riffage, pure rock fury and sexy beards! And they didn’t even include “A Shogun Named Marcus”! I know! (MVDB2B.com)
n n n Girl Crushn
n Eighteen of Peach Video’s most accomplished actresses have a sleepover and profess their deepest feelings for one another. So it’s kind of like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, minus the pants. And tops. And everything else. (PeachDVD.com)
n n n Shredn
n Tom Green (the actor, not the polygamist) stars in the best Canadian snowboarding comedy since … OK, ever: It’s the slacker burnouts versus the corporate weasels in an epic battle for mountain supremacy! What could possibly go wrong? (PeachArch.com)
n n n n Son of the Beach: Vol. 2n
n It’s been five damned years since Vol. 1 was released—WTF? Tim Stack (My Name is Earl’s “Tim Stack”) and Utah’s own Jamie Bergman star in the hysterical Baywatch parody cruelly canceled by FX in 2002. Bastards. (ShoutFactory.com)
More New DVD Releases (Nov. 11)
nBlood Wars, Carousel of Revenge, Cruel But Necessary, Flaming Lips: Christmas on Mars, Hellboy II: The Golden Army, Mind of Mencia: Season 4, Night Gallery: Season 2, Scrubs: Season 7, The Sopranos: The Complete Series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Tracy Ullman’s State of the Union