Puppets live among us, though they prefer to be called Fabricated Americans. The Flesh Man has oppressed them for generations, but the revolution is upon us ...
* Friday, March 22: Under One Roof (UPN, 7 p.m.) Series Debut: In yet another crap reality series, five families live in a beach house—put the Osbournes in there and make it interesting! The Chronicle (Sci-Fi Channel, 7 p.m.) Series Finale: In another cool show being canceled, Grace flashes her boobs at a grateful fellow weekly hack after a few Jägers at the punk bar.
* Saturday, March 23: UC Undercover (NBC, 7 p.m.) Series Finale: Since no one ever watched it, there’s really no point in recapping, is there? Fluid Television (KJZZ 14, 10:30 p.m.) New Timeslot: Nyk Fry moves again, but still refuses to flash his boobs to grab ratings … thank God.
* Sunday, March 24: The 74th Annual Academy Awards (ABC, 6 p.m.) Russell Crowe presents the Best Actress award, but won’t read the winner until Halle Berry, Judi Dench, Nicole Kidman, Sissy Spacek and Renée Zellweger flash their boobs at him. Sit down, Halle.
* Monday, March 25: The Bachelor (ABC, 8 p.m.) Series Debut: A hopeless, er, hopeful suitor chooses a “lucky” bride from 15 women. Insert polygamy and/or boob-flash joke here.
* Tuesday, March 26: The Court (ABC, 9 p.m.) Series Debut: Sally Field stars as a Supreme Court justice who can fly and flash her boobs. Those geezers on First Monday can’t do that.
* Wednesday, March 27: George Lopez (ABC, 7:30 p.m.) Series Debut: An Hispanic sitcom produced by white folks—el excremento! Wednesday (ABC, 8:30 p.m.) Series Debut: Behind the scenes at a dying network. ABC? Greg the Bunny (Fox, 8:30 p.m.) Series Debut: Flash your boobs if you like bunnies! Or Gregs!