THE SHOWS YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT
Sons of Anarchy (FX, Sept. 11)
Season 5 premiere: Jax is the new head of SAMCRO, Clay’s a world of hurt, Tara and Gemma are probably going to kill each other, and guest stars like Jimmy Smits, Ashley Tisdale(!) and Joel McHale(!!) are dropping by Charming. True TV’s going to show it at Brewvies again, so just be there.
Sons of Anarchy
Boardwalk Empire (HBO, Sept. 16)
Season 3 premiere: While Nucky’s withdrawn into seclusion after Jimmy’s murder, a new gangster (Bobby Cannavale) plans to take over Atlantic City. In even worse news, Lucy (Paz de la Huerta) and her penchant for frequent nudity are long gone.
Dexter (Showtime, Sept. 30)
Season 7 premiere: Deb now knows that Dexter is a killer—but is she aware of the serial extent of his résumé? Not yet. In case you haven’t noticed, it usually takes Deb about 12 episodes to figure these things out.
Treme (HBO, Sept. 23)
Season 3 premiere: It’s been gone for over a year—where the hell were we? New Orleans, I remember that much ...
Homeland (Showtime, Sept. 30)
Season 2 premiere: The sleeper-cell terrorism series is jumping ahead in time for the second season, so we won’t see Carrie (Claire Danes) getting the crazy electro-shocked out of her. But will war hero Brody (Damian Lewis) move into ’Merican politics and shape public opinion? Concerning, but still not as scary as the real current election cycle.
American Horror Story (FX, Oct. 3)
Season 2 premiere: Different story, different characters, different locale (an East Coast insane asylum), some of the same actors (Jessica Lang, Zachary Quinto, Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson and Lily Rabe) and some guest stars I want dead in the first 15 minutes (OK, just Adam Levine).
American Horror Story
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, Oct. 11)
Season 8 premiere: Something about South Philly garbage collectors going on strike and the Gang extorting money from rich people to take care of their trash—another excellent entrepreneurial solution.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
The Walking Dead (AMC, Oct. 14)
Season 3 premiere: The prison! The Governor! Michonne! Merle! That damned helicopter! Yet more zombies! Big Shiny Robot and True TV are going to show it at Brewvies again, so just be there.
The Walking Dead
Arrested Development (Netflix, early 2013)
Season 4 premiere: It’s really happening—10 (or maybe 13, if you believe David Cross) brand-new episodes to be released simultaneously via Netflix next year! There really is always money in the banana stand!