Eight items at the top of Gary Herbert’s to-do list as the new Chairman of the Western Governors’ Association:
8. Mandatory cowboy hats.
7. Tell Twitter guy to invent new hashtag thingy: #LikeAChairman.
6. Grill Hawaii’s governor about this communist Obama birth-certificate stuff.
5. Bacon sundaes all around at next board meeting. Except for Jerry Brown. Dang hippie.
4. Yahoo! when American Samoa and Guam became states; reverse decision.
3. Still no answers on that birth certificate—kick Hawaii out, too.
2. Ask Rick Perry how much he tips at Fantastic Sam’s; up it by 2 percent next visit.
1. Take Utah’s land back from the Feds and give it to the rightful owners: oil companies, mining firms and Jesus.