Eight arguments against the LDS Church being labeled as a “cult”:
8. Cults tend to operate out of sight; LDS temples will soon outnumber Starbucks.
7. Cults use mind-control techniques that are subtle and sophisticated, two approaches foreign to KSL and the Deseret News.
6. Cults sing songs like “Don’t Fear the Reaper” between buffets in Wendover (Blue ?yster Cults only).
5. Cults separate you from relatives; Mormons force members to hang out with their families.
4. Cults demand excessive financial donations; the LDS Church only asks for 10 percent … forever.
3. Cults are difficult to leave alive; annoying ex-Mormons are everywhere.
2. Cults adhere to strict, uniform dress codes; LDS standards range all the way from modest to Old Navy.
1. Cults have charismatic, dynamic leaders.
Love the comments so far. Your negativity and attempts to ridicule only confirms the LDS church must be doing well.
Haters gotta hate...
Dead people, aka zombies, aren’t big on religious conversions, but that hasn’t stopped the Mormons from trying. Early 18th century Mormons dug up actual zombies for baptisms. This was a total disaster; hungry zombies rendered entire crops of missionaries brainless. After a few generations of brainless youth, Mormon leaders realized it would be safer to baptize the dead in absentia. So now, in Temples across the globe, eager young Mormons, like the youthful Mitt, take the place of zombies in the sacred baptismal pool.
All this begs the question: why baptize dead people? Well, it’s simple: God forgot to convert them while they were alive. Instead of bemoaning Romney’s religious practices, we should probably thank him and the rest of the Mormons for cleaning up after God’s enormous lack of foresight.
So, thank you Mitt!Sincerely,
Brett CottrellAuthor of The Valley of Fire