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Home / Articles / Opinion / The Ocho /  Resolution Redistribution
The Ocho

Resolution Redistribution

Eight adjustments (already) to your New Year’s resolutions.

By Bill Frost
Posted // January 3,2011 - Eight adjustments (already) to your New Year’s resolutions:

8. “Lose weight” adjusted to “Make fatter friends.”

7. “Quit smoking” adjusted to “Only smoke when drinking. Or awake.”

6. “Get out of debt” adjusted to “Look into that Witness Relocation Program.”

5. “Quit drinking” adjusted to “Maybe only beer with breakfast.”

4. “Volunteer to help the indigent” adjusted to “Compliment a Juggalo’s dreads.”

3. “Get out of dead-end job” adjusted to “Look into that Witness Relocation Program.”

2. “Go back to school” adjusted to “Pick up more drunk college girls.”

1. “Spend more time with family” adjusted to “I forgot—my family sucks.”

Bill Frost
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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // January 6,2011 at 13:31

Heres one that I got told. "Read the good book" adjusted to "buy it on CD"

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // January 3,2011 at 10:39

I will not wear tights, a short sweater and Uggs if I'm over the recommended weight for my height by 50 lbs. adjusted to "F*ck it, pass the sweet potato fries!"

 

 
 
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