8. Santa has a belly like a bowlful of jelly. Jesus won’t be found in your chimney dead of adult-onset diabetes.
7. Santa knows when you’re sleeping. Jesus knows what you’re doing with that gym sock under the covers.
6. Santa has a list of names he checks twice. Jesus has the names memorized—and backed up on a cloud.
5. Santa’s helpers make toys for children. Jesus’ helpers make it difficult to get into Planned Parenthood clinics.
4. Santa says, “You’d better not cry.” Jesus has a far more enlightened view of emotional displays.
3. Santa will let you sit on his lap at the mall. Jesus will consider sharing a cart with you at Whole Foods.
2. Santa puts presents under the tree. Jesus has an aversion to tall wooden objects.
1. Dressing up as Santa is fun and festive. Dressing up as Jesus usually ends in a standoff with the Feds.