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Home / Articles / Opinion / The Ocho /  Uncomfortable Thanksgiving
The Ocho

Uncomfortable Thanksgiving

Eight touchy topics to avoid bringing up at the Thanksgiving dinner table this year.

By Bill Frost
Posted // November 22,2010 -

Eight touchy topics to avoid bringing up at the Thanksgiving dinner table this year:

8. That Timmy’s hand-turkey drawings from kindergarten are “hopelessly derivative” and “pedantic.”

7. Whether or not Fox News’ March to Socialist Oblivion Holiday Special is appropriate dining viewing.

6. That mom bought the turkey in a parking lot from “Krazy Karl’s Van O’ Savings.”

5. Your sister’s married boyfriend she had to invite because he “saw my post about this stupid dinner on Facebook.”

4. That honey-baked ham and Jim Beam aren’t really an optimal pairing.

3. The opinion of your Twitter followers that a house on wheels is less a “home” than a “rolling sadness box.”

2. Uncle Ron’s third “totally out-of-context” appearance on To Catch a Predator.

1. The future of your job as a snarky list-maker for a free newspaper found primarily in bars and bail-bonds waiting rooms.

Bill Frost
Twitter


 
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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // November 25,2010 at 14:07

Love it... great list

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // November 23,2010 at 11:49

From the net:

>> To keep your mother happy, seat her directly across from her one good child who actually did something with his life

>> Splurge and get the more expensive turkey; then, make sure to mention at least once an hour how you splurged and got the more expensive turkey

>> If your in-laws are religious, respect their beliefs and pretend there's a God for one night

>> Appease Uncle Karl early by fitting the Second Amendment into your blessing

>> An air horn will help let your guests know when they've overstayed their welcome

>> Dress in disguise, posing as a distant relative from Italy, and find out how they really talk about you when you're not around

>> Finally learn how to make a Rob Roy the right goddamn way like Uncle Doug's been telling you for years

>> Have a bunch of old National Geographic magazines on hand for that one cousin who doesn't watch football

>> Never host Thanksgiving

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // November 22,2010 at 09:13

I Glaze my ham with Knob Creek, so take exception to#4...The remainder induces loud laughter and snot bubbles.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // November 22,2010 at 07:56

I resent #2. LOL

 

 
 
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