Posted // January 23,2008 -
You helped take out Rick Santorum by naming a sex-related term after him and now the time has come for you to do the same for GOP hopeful Mike Huckabee. He has compared homosexuality to bestiality in an interview, just like Santorum, and more than once. Huckabee most recently came out against changing “the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal.”
So what do you think, Dan? Isn’t it time for a contest to name a sex act The Huckabee? —Dave In Olympia
Every time someone says something idiotic in public—myself included—I get letters from readers angrily demanding that Ann Coulter, Stephen Harper, Dick Cheney, Antonin Scalia, myself, et al., get the “santorum treatment” (which sounds almost as disgusting as the substance itself). Honestly, this is the first time I can say that I’ve been tempted. But Huckabee remains a long shot for the GOP nomination, DIO, so it’s entirely possible that we’ll be rid of Huckabee in a few weeks’ time—hell, he could be out of it before this column gets printed.
But just in case Huckabee is the nominee—hey, you can’t be too careful—I’m going to invite my readers to send their suggested definitions for The Huckabee to Huckabee@savagelove.net.
On my 21st birthday, my mother got so shitty drunk that she had to buy a pair of pants off a gas-station attendant after she pissed her own. She dropped her giant bag of pot in the limo. We put her to bed and she got up and tried to screw my roommate. Then she fell out of the top bunk of his bed and hurt herself so bad she grabbed her car keys and left. She got a DWI on the way to the hospital where they found out she broke her rib. What does all of this do to my psyche? —Please Answer Me
Nothing good, PAM. But I can’t imagine that your mother’s behavior on your 21st birthday did more damage to your psyche than your mother seeing her behavior recounted in a nationally syndicated sex-advice column is going to do to hers. So you’re your mother’s daughter after all, PAM.
Loads of gay men read your column. This makes you a good person to spread the word about the crazy “flesh-eating” MRSA strain that is running rampant in communities of gay men in Boston and San Francisco. According to the studies reported in the New York Times, gay men in SF are 13 times more likely to have this nasty staph bacteria than the rest of the population in the area. Infection results in gross and horrible problems like abscesses and ulcers (usually on the buttocks and genitalia). The bacteria is resistant to not only first-line antibiotics but also two of the three other medications recommended by the CDC. Maybe you could help inform people and keep them from getting infected with ass-and-genital-flesh-eating bacteria? —Keep It Clean
Not all gay men listen to me—things wouldn’t look so grim for us on the STI front if more did—but for what it’s worth:
Gay men can easily protect themselves from this new strain of MRSA. According to docs, it’s as simple as scrubbing with soap and water after skin-to-skin contact. Gay men should also reduce the number of our sex partners. Here’s some good advice we got at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic: “Have more sex with fewer people.” That was an effective health strategy back in the day—guys who took it to heart tended to live—and it would be nice to see today’s gay men adopt/readopt the more-sex/fewer-people strategy before the infectious shit hits the epidemiological fan. Again.
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