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Savage Love

Savage Love | Geezers & Kinksters Page 2

By Dan Savage
Posted // April 30,2008 -

 I struck up a couple of casual convos about a little kink with my girlfriend. She seemed into it at first. Then I brought it up a couple more times. She said things like, “I just like sex without all the drama and charades.” Then I brought it up again later and the discussion devolved into an argument.


I had an almost identical convo with a previous girlfriend. It ended with her turning me down saying something like, “It just seems so distracting.” I’ve never asked a girl for anything too odd. In fact, I’ve seldom gotten very far into ANY specifics, other than just saying I’d like to try some things out to see if they’re fun. All my girlfriends, despite being quite fuck-happy, have blown me off repeatedly when it comes to role-play, light bondage, and other pretty mainstream kinks.


I feel hurt because I have not been able to feel the freedom of open exploration of my sexuality. I just want to explore more with somebody and have fun. How should I approach things differently? —No Kink At Twenty Eight


Provided you’re not coming across like Eliot Spitzer doing a press conference—provided you don’t look and sound like a serial killer who just got caught with a suitcase full of women’s skins—all you have to do differently, NKATE, is make sure the girlfriend understands that drama and charades are requirements, not requests. Tell her that, being a decent sort, you would like to explore your run-of-the-mill kinks with your girlfriend. If she isn’t willing to explore with you, well, then she’s the wrong girlfriend for you and you’re the wrong boyfriend for her. Shake hands and say good-bye. Then keep having these convos with the women you date until you run across a girl who shares your kinks or is GGG enough to indulge them.


And speaking of bondage…


Another kinkster is dead after being tied up and left alone. James Bargy, 29, died after his wife, Rebecca Bargy, tied him up and left him alone for 20 hours. Mr. and Mrs. Bargy reportedly played this game before; she was spending the night at a hotel with another man, and their cuckolding routine involved her leaving him bound and him wiggling out of the bondage. Not this time: Mr. Bargy—a ball gag in his mouth and most of his head wrapped in duct tape—asphyxiated before his wife returned. Mr. Bargy remains deceased as of this writing and Mrs. Bargy is facing prison time.


Once again, dear readers, a tied-up person should never be left alone. If being tied up and left alone or tying someone up and leaving them alone is an important part of your thrill, the tied-up person should not be in a stressful position, nothing should restrict his or her breathing (no fucking gags or duct tape), and someone should be well within earshot at all times.


And speaking of bondage…


BDSM porn colossus is launching an all-male bondage website—finally—and it’s hired occasional Savage Love guest expert Van Darkholme to head it up. Van is the director and star of the Bondo Gods series, the author and photographer of the book Male Bondage, a shibari expert, and a thoroughly nice guy. “We are looking for experienced performers and also newbies,” says Van, in order to get the new site off the ground. So if you’re gay and/or bi, wanna get tied up and erotically abused under the direction of a scorching-hot pro (you can check out Van at his personal website, make some money, and then get jerked off over by thousands of happy paying customers, you’re invited to apply today at


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