Posted // January 9,2008 -
My wife and I enjoy a vigorous BDSM lifestyle and take part in some pretty heavy activities. One we haven’t tried but are anxious to is Tabasco sauce on mucous membranes, e.g., nostrils, clit, and anal tissues. Our question: What would we use to cool the burn should the application of Tabasco sauce to her anus or clit prove to be too much for her to endure? —Master & Servant
I’m a gay man living in San Francisco. There are a couple of guys I’m into. Like an actual couple. I’ve messed around with each of them separately, and in both cases I was told to keep it hush-hush because the other didn’t know that he was being messed around on. My problem is not about their dishonesty or any of that bullshit. It’s none of my business. What I really want to know is this: How can I get them both in the sack at the same time? —Trying To Double Down
I’m a 19-year-old lesbian with the dyke equivalent of the “does size matter” problem: I have a really short tongue. Is there anything I can do? Or does “size” really not matter? —Tongue Tied Teen
Four years ago, my girlfriend and I made a sex tape. After we broke up, I continued to watch the video, finding myself more turned on by the action now that she was out of my life. I started taking pictures with my digital camera off the television, and before long I was putting these images of her on the internet for others to comment on. The tape is graphic, with clear shots of her face as she goes down on me, masturbates, and rides me. I feel terrible—she’s a sweet girl and it wasn’t a bad breakup—but exposing her has become an uncontrollable turn-on for me. I can’t bring myself to throw out the tape, which I feel is the only way I can control this urge. I sound like an awful person, but I can’t seem to help myself. Your thoughts? —Slave To Own Penis
Ah, sometimes the answer is so obvious—take STOP’s question here. There is only one possible response: “Throw the tape out, you fucking piece of lowlife shit.” The damage is already done—those clips and images will live online forever, and one day STOP’s ex or her fiancé or her kids or her grandchildren will find them. And then, if there’s any justice, they’ll find STOP and cut his balls off.
But what of the other letters in this column? I’m stumped. Tabasco sauce on the clit? Not into the boyfriend’s new rack? Is there hope for short-tongued dykes? What’s up with she-male sacks? And how do you successfully date a Christian minister who has—let’s face facts—already given your ass the brush-off? I don’t have answers for these folks. If you do, gentle readers, send ’em in and we’ll run the mother of all Savage Love web extras sometime in the next couple of weeks.
Download Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at TheStranger.com/Savage. Contact: Mail@savagelove.net