I have been living with my boyfriend now for two years. We have known each other for 17 years, but since we started living together things have escalated from serious to very serious. I love him, this is for sure. He is wonderful, honest, kind, and all that. This guy does not have a mean bone in his body. I even had an affair recently, told him, and he forgave me.
The problem? I must be one of those people who has a constant wandering eye, and right now I think I am in love/lust with another man. It’s occurred to me recently that if it isn’t one love interest on the side, it’s another. I don’t want to lose my lover, but I know being honest would finish us off this time around, so what am I to do about this other guy? I guess there is a simple solution—confess and move on, but all I want is just to have sex with this other guy. Besides lying or telling the truth or talking about opening our bedroom, which my boyfriend has already objected to, what should I do? —On Fire
“I think you should be monogamous,” says Mom. “I think everyone should be monogamous.” Why? “I don’t think we were meant to be promiscuous.” Why? “Because we’re supposed to find someone we like and settle down with that person.” Why? “Because that’s what mothers want their kids to do, that’s why. It brings order to the world. Stability. So, in my opinion, you shouldn’t act on your feelings for this man who is not your boyfriend. Not all decisions should be based on how you feel.”
As for your lover, “He sounds very nice and forgiving. Maybe too nice and too forgiving. Forgiveness is important, I’m a forgiving mom, but it sounds like he’s being a doormat. If monogamy is important to him, and you can’t control yourself, then maybe you two aren’t a match.”
I’m mooning over this guy who works in a store up the street from my house. I gave him my number one day, hoping he’d get the message and call me, but, you guessed it, he hasn’t. He always smiles at me when I come into the store, and looks interested, but… nothing so far. I fell for this guy because he reminded me of this married guy I’ve been seeing who I think has fallen back in love with his wife. I’m about to give up and become a nun or something. What should I do? I am attractive, confident, and I’ve been told I’m the fantasy girl of every lover’s dreams more than once. —Miserable In Belltown
“Women who date married men are just being used—by men every bit as screwed up as they are,” says Mom. “And that man was probably never out of love with his wife.
“I’m heavily into marital fidelity; I’m supportive of marital fidelity,” Mom continued, sounding like an unannounced Republican presidential hopeful. “I do think it’s possible to have a sexual relationship with a married man and not get hurt,” said Mom, suddenly sounding like a Democratic president, “but you have to know in advance that it’s not going to be anything more than sex. And most healthy people aren’t willing to settle for that.”
As for the boy in the store, “He’s smiling at you to be polite; if he were interested he would’ve called by now. Stop wasting your time being interested in people who aren’t interested in you.”