Posted // February 13,2008 -
Warning: Savage Love is an adult sex advice column. The contents of this article may be offensive to some people. And Utahns.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months and we’re crazy about each other. He’s been slowly introducing me to butt play. Last night, we were verbally playing out an anal scenario. He asked if I’d be okay using a strap-on with him, to which I replied, “Of course!” Then he said that he had a harness and dildo in the closet. I balked. This brought up two specific issues for me.
1. What is good sex-toy etiquette? Can you use sex toys in one relationship and then in the next one? Also, when I’ve been with women, it was NOT okay to reuse sex toys. They died with the relationship. Is it different with heteros?
2. Can you recycle sex toys with your recycling like you would other plastic products?
He said he’d be happy to buy new sex toys if it bothers me so much. But we’re both ecofriendly and don’t want to cause a lot of waste. —Willing To Bend Over Boyfriend
“Lesbian sex-toy etiquette is pretty clear,” says Claire Cavanah. “Dildos and harnesses don’t survive the breakup.”
Cavanah is the cofounder of Babeland (Babeland.com), a woman-owned, totally righteous, continent-spanning sex-toy colossus, and a lesbian herself, and I typically defer to her on matters of lesbian sex-toy etiquette. But when asked why sex toys have to be discarded after a lesbian breakup, Claire could only offer this dyke-ass mumbo jumbo: “A lesbian couple’s dildos become suffused with the energy of the sex in the relationship, and end up symbolizing the sexual connection the poor doomed couple had. They belong to the relationship.”
Like I said, I’m going to defer to Claire. But it’s interesting that lesbian dildos become fatally suffused with the energy of failed lesbian relationships, and therefore must be discarded, but lesbian hairstyles do not. Moving on…
“In the straight world,” Claire continues, “there’s a whole lot less attachment to specific toys, so reusing a dildo and harness is probably more common and acceptable.”
So should you suck it up and use your boyfriend’s dirty ol’ sex toys? Of course not—says the owner of a sex-toy shop.
“WTBOB, trained in the lesbian tradition, needs to speak up and get new toys,” says Claire. “You love this guy, and you want to give him every inch of YOUR love,” not the love someone else banged his ass with, “so go get a new rig.”
How best to dispose of the old rig?
“Treehugger.com says that silicone and latex are recyclable,” says Claire, “but that doesn’t mean you can toss your old dildos into your plastics bin and expect them to live again in the form of a park bench. You’d have to summon all your courage and take them to a special facility.” Most people won’t do that, says Claire, “so most toys end up as landfill.”
If you can’t bring yourself to hand over those old dildos at a special silicone-and-latex recycling facility, WTBOB, and the thought of your boyfriend’s used sex toys clogging your local landfill upsets you, perhaps you should mail them to Kandiss Crone at WLBT 3 News in Jackson, Mississippi.
Crone is a teeveenewz reporter in a state where it’s agin the law to sell sex toys. Twice last year the Jackson Police Department busted a local sex shop, Adult Video & Books, for the crime of selling “three-dimensional devices.” But those busts didn’t put a stop to Jackson’s three-dimensional-device crime wave, it seems, because recently Ms. Crone got a hot tip: Adult Video & Books was back in the three-dimensional-device business!