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Ask a Mexican

Special DREAM Act Edition

By Gustavo Arellano
Posted // September 28,2010 - Dear Mexican: Why is it so hard to find an educated Mexican—or, hell, even a Latino man who isn’t a pretentious hijo de papi or thinks he is a god for being educated and successful? I’m Mexican; my parents immigrated to the United States when I was 5, so that through hard work, my brothers and I could have the American dream. I went to a top university, live in Manhattan and work in finance. I know I’m not the only one of my kind—there must be Mexican-man versions of me who are also smart, successful, attractive and down-to-earth. I really don’t get it. Am I too Americanized? I’d hate to stereotype and say that successful Latino men are either sons who grew up with a silver spoon and speak with a potato in their mouth or are full of themselves, especially since my brothers aren’t like that, or say that Latinos are intimidated by successful women. Am I too picky? I honestly think it may just be a NYC thing, and I’ll be stuck having to marry a white dude who pronounces tortillas “tor-til-has” and calls guacamole “guac.” Lovely. —No Good Mangos in NYC

Dear Wabette: Questions about love have far too many variables to warrant a perfect answer, but I can empirically say one reason you’re having a hard tiempo finding Mexi men is because there are simply not enough people like your brothers. The 2008 report “Advancing in Higher Education: A Portrait of Latino College Freshmen at Four-Year Institutions, 1975-2006,” published by the Higher Education Research Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles, discovered a widening education gap between Latinas and Latinos: according to the study, chicas constituted 60.8 percent of first-time, full-time Latino freshmen in universities in 2006; chicos, on the other hand, made up just 39.2 percent of the total. Academic surveys over the years have show that educational attainment levels heavily influence marriage choices (i.e., you’re more likely to marry someone with the same degree), so I suggest you brush up on learning how to make guac for the gabacho in-laws—kidding! Your príncipe will come, girl: gotta keep the faith!

Dear Mexican: Once a month at my church, we have members of the congregation get up and “bear testimony,” about spiritual feelings or experiences. I’ve noticed that the Mexicans are always talking about vivid dreams that they’ve had, a phenomenon not often mentioned by chinos or gabachos. My folks tell me that the Mexicans in their congregation, in the far northwest suburbs of Chicago, do much the same. Do dreams have some sort of special religious significance for Mexicans? If so, does this predate Christianization? —Gabacho Gordo

Dear Fat Gabacho: You didn’t give me enough information about your church. I know that bearing testimony is a tenet of Mormons, but I don’t want to give an LDS answer if it’s a Methodist question—don’t want to confuse the holy-rolling, you know? I can say that Mexicans love dreams, especially if they involve amnesty, hot chicks, or a Stetson. But dreams as revelations? The last such sueño was when the Aztecs thought Hernan Cortés was their long-gone god Quetzalcoatl—and we all know how that turned out.

TO ALL THE DREAM ACT STUDENTS: Keep the faith—know your cause is just, know you will win, and know that Know Nothings can rule for only so long.

Ask the Mexican at,,,, find him on Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433!
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Posted // September 28,2010 at 12:34

Help End The Largest Illegal Immigrant Invasion In The Worlds History Happening In The U.S Right Now! These Illegal’s Need To Stop All This Protesting Because Their Just Pissing Us Off Like The Jews Did In Germany/Europe!!!

A Plan For A Real “American Dream Act” Bill & Counter Attack

First bring back our soldiers from this Afghanistan war that is costly and going nowhere. Middle Eastern and Asians love to see us waste money and go broke fighting for freedom when they don’t really want it. This is their main weapon and we keep falling into their trap. Then we need to regroup military troops and military force to invade/overthrow Mexico’s government turning it into a U.S territory.
The new land will be used as an industrial/business commerce zone. U.S citizens will be able to by property and have a dual citizenship between U.S and Mexico. Mexico will keep its current currency and there current government will be demoted to local municipal law enforcement as long as they surrender to the U.S.
The U.S will be in full control of all laws, finances, local law enforcement, military and our “Secondary Army of Illegal Soldiers/Enforcers” in Mexico. The path to dual citizenship will require the illegal immigrants living in the U.S to serve in the U.S Secondary South Boarder Military for teen years… Along with completing the invasion/overthrow of Mexican government to expand U.S lands, business, and revive our economy. For Mexico citizen requesting to come to the U.S temporary worker programs and legal paths to citizenship & residence will be granted to those who qualify.
This action is to liberate Mexico from its corrupt government that is destroying it self and the U.S slowly. It is also a test for them to redeem them selves for us to see, how much heart they have, how patriotic they are, and much they love this country including us, laws in all.

Pass It On To Congress & The President!!!