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Home / Articles / News / Rant Control /  Bustin’ a Cap in Your Trade
Rant Control

Bustin’ a Cap in Your Trade

By Brandon Burt
Posted // May 13,2009 -

Oh, that Rep. Jason Chaffetz! When he’s not fretting over Washington, D.C.’s decision to “redefine” marriage, he’s thinking up ways to redefine other words, such as “tax.”

In his April 30 letter, Joseph Puente pointed out that, despite what detractors such as Chaffetz call it, a proposed cap-and-trade program to reduce air pollution is not, technically, a “tax.”

Two readers, Arc and UtahOpinions, have been reading Chaffetz’s talking points. They leapt to the wacky congressman’s defense:

According to Arc, “Chaffetz isn't lying. He was passing on information based on a congressional report. I have actually met him several times this last year. He believes what he says. If you want him to change, you need to read How to Win Friends and Influence People again. You obviously forgot the ideas in the book.”

So, Chaffetz believes the words that come out of his own mouth, which apparently is being redefined to mean the same thing as “not lying.” Also, Chaffetz responds only to those who follow Dale Carnegie’s weird, cultish, outdated sales manual. Thanks for the tips, Arc! UtahOpinions chimed with this: “The simple question to ask yourself is this: Is the government increasing the rate of money it’s collecting? If the answer is yes, then it’s a tax.”

So, you see, anything can be a “tax” if you ignore what it really is and where the money goes. Just define words however you want! Still, if cap-and-trade generates so much revenue, it’ll make our personal tax bills go way down. Yay!

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