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Home / Articles / Opinion / Deep End /  Deep End | Hard Coded: News of Mormonism’s genetic origins explains a lot
Deep End

Deep End | Hard Coded: News of Mormonism’s genetic origins explains a lot

By D.P. Sorensen
Posted // January 16,2008 -

Before geneticists at BYU came forth with their remarkable discovery that Mormons are not merely another race, as has been long surmised, but another and separate species altogether (Homo Mormonis), the Mormon persecution complex was seen by objective observers as a rather pathetic attempt to shut down open discussion and reasonable criticism of Mormonism’s unusual doctrines.

Now, however, we know that Mormons can’t help themselves from crying foul when even the most innocuous questions are raised about the faith. They can’t help calling every critic a “Mormon-basher,” they can’t help calling ordinary observations about Mormon practices and doctrines “bigotry,” and they can’t help waxing indignant when non-Mormons don’t accept them at their own exceedingly lofty self-estimation.

(By the way, it is interesting to note what the lexicographers over at the American Heritage Dictionary say about the word bigot, and then ask who the real bigots are: “One who is strongly partial to one’s own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ.”)

A favorite (and tiresomely predictable) tactic of Mormon apologists has been to equate criticism of Mormons with attacks on women and blacks. A moment’s thought should show the absurdity of such an equation. The color of your skin or the contours of your genitourinary plumbing is not quite so freely chosen as your religious orientation. It is, furthermore, rather rich that Mormons, given their treatment of blacks and women, should in any way seek to put themselves in the same category and sniff that they are, like blacks and women, victims of discrimination and second-class citizenship.

The latest occasion for Mormons to feel like everybody is always picking on them is, of course, the candidacy of Republican Willard “Mitt” Romney for president of the United States. Every time some factual account or intriguing detail of Mormonism makes news, the faithful predictably start screaming about the mean-spirited media. Now that Mitt is fading from the political scene, the fervent faithful will assert that anti-Mormonism kept him from ascending to his throne in the Oval Office.

The Mitt-Mormons and Mitt himself are so mad they just want to spit. Look at him! So good! Such great hair! So righteous! When Joseph Smith said that “as man is, God once was,” he was surely talking about Mitt. One local columnist, normally a sensible and stylish writer, succumbing to Mormon-Mitt mania, quoted a “Harvard professor,” who opined that Mitt was “the perfect candidate for this moment in time.” A professor is impressive, but a Harvard professor? Well, you can’t get more impressive than that. As Mark Twain once said, I couldn’t be more satisfied and at rest if the entire Harvard faculty testified for Mitt.

What the Mitt-Mormons will not admit is that people don’t like Mitt—not because he is a Mormon, but because he is a phony and a flip-flopper. He adopts positions out of expediency, not conviction. It has been argued that Romney has no character flaws, i.e., no divorces, no affairs and no scandals. It is revealing that the aforementioned count for Mormons as character flaws. Surely Mitt’s dishonesty—his trimming and his numerous “exaggerations”—are more revelatory of character than the fact that he and his sweetheart have fathered a brood of Leonard Nimoy look-alikes.

Mormons’ “strong partiality” to themselves is demonstrated in the embarrassing pastime of Who’s a Mormon, an exercise in searching out famous, semifamous, not-so-famous, and not-at-all-famous Mormons in all walks of life. Steve Young? He’s a Mormon! Ken Jennings? He’s a Mormon! Larry King’s wife? She’s a Mormon! Philo T. Farnsworth? He was a Mormon! Katherine Heigl? She’s a (former) Mormon! Christine Aguilera? She’s a (naked and pregnant) Mormon! The Inventor of Fry Sauce? He’s a Mormon! Secretary of Agriculture Ezra Taft Benson? He was a Mormon! Glenn Beck? He’s a Mormon! George Bush’s barber? He’s a Mormon! Dick Cheney? He’s a Mormon! (Oops—no, he’s not. He just looks like one.) Immanuel Kant? He’s a Mormon! John Philip Sousa? He’s a Mormon! Jennifer Lopez’s proctologist? He’s a Mormon! And so on.

We should have known that the compulsive auto-congratulatory syndrome of Mormons, as well as their circle-the-wagons mentality, was situated in their DNA. Now that the good scientists at BYU have isolated a distinctive combination of Mormon alleles riding the notoriously homologous chromosomes, it is conclusive that Mormons are products of biological determinism, not the plan of salvation. We should, therefore, extend the Christian charity to them that they are reluctant to extend to those not in the fold. Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.

 

 
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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // April 27,2012 at 21:52

I used to be a Mormon (and now am a Christian) and I was taught in Mormon sunday school that Jesus and Satan were both God's son's (ie: brothers) before the world existed.  Satan had a plan where he would force everyone to go to heaven, and Jesus had a plan where people could choose.  God chose Jesus' plan.  Obviously this story is made up, blasphemous, and not in the bible.  But ask your friend if that story rings a bell ariy, I bet it does.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // March 31,2011 at 21:28

Okay, i am not mormon, but seriusly, they don't think that jesus is borthers with the devil. My friend was totally shocked when i asked her the questio, and i believe her.

Also, why do people give mormons so much crap? If you are christian, you don't get made fun of. If you are protistant, islamic, jewish, most people respect what others believe in. But do people respect mormons?NO. Let them believe what they want to.

Plus, my friends mom and all other mormons that i know are the best cooks and bakers, and i havent died. They are not evil.

I agree with cameron... mormons are not counterfeits, you must know one a couple before you judge, you dumb ass. You are targeting for no good reason.

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // April 15,2009 at 08:10

Mr Sorensen? I read your article, even though this expose, very well described assessment of moroms/mormonism, was probably written when Mr Romney was running for President a few months ago(Romney, who flat out lie to Mr Hannity? when the Fox news greater Sean asked Romney, if it was true that mormons believe Satan and Jesus were spiritual brothers? Mr Romney, in a few polemic fashion, deny it and flat out lied about it)

Let me tell you , that the majority of mormons (have studied mormonism for 18 years) Do not know that they are "working" for a fraternity, a sect that is actually counterfeiters of the real Christian faith

When I explain to mormons this fact? Is no different as when a real counterfeiter is confronted with the real fact, that they are circulating fake money...it is not legit...man you are going to jail..bla bla

May the real God of the Bible have mercy on their souls...

Dan

I can document the above

 

Posted // April 7,2010 at 16:25 - Holy crap man you are ridiculous. You obviously know NOTHING about the latter day saints. counterfeiters, seriously? At least try and not be a dumb ass

 

 
 
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