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Al Gore & Sarah Palin, Lovers

The two find romance, and the Bard, in a Cedar City hotel.

By D.P. Sorensen
Photo by John Kilbourn // Al & Sarah Embrace
Posted // June 23,2010 - America is still abuzz about the torrid love affair between former Vice President Al Gore and former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. As everybody now knows, the couple was discovered in a Cedar City love nest by a paparazzo working for the Deseret News. The photo that was splashed on the front pages of newspapers around the world showed the high-octane duo emerging from a modest motel room at the El Rey Best Western, just up the street from the internationally renowned Utah Shakespearean Festival.

Apparently, Mr. Gore and Ms. Palin thought they would be unrecognized in the sleepy southern Utah town: Guests at the El Rey said the couple spent several hours sunning themselves in the pool area while the children of festival-goers played Marco Polo in the over-chlorinated water.

“They looked kinda familiar to me,” said Jared Pratt of Parowan, who was attending the command performances with his former mother-in-law. “I noticed how much they enjoyed slathering sunscreen all over each other, and by the way, for Al Gore that involved a considerable amount of flesh. That Palin gal had big sunglasses and was sure giggling a lot. And I have to say, for a family-values kind of gal, she sure was wearing a scrimpy bikini.”

The now-famous photo of Mr. Gore and Ms. Palin caught just outside room 412—he’s trying to shield his face with a dog-eared copy of Much Ado About Nothing, while she’s cocking her fist and baring her teeth—was circulating on the Internet within seconds of publication. At first, spokespersons for each of the political powerhouses tried to deny that the two were romantically involved. They were “just good friends,” or were doing “joint research on environmental issues,” or had a “mutual love for the works of the Bard.”

Soon, however, a variety of eyewitnesses came forward with stories that indicated Mr. Gore and Ms. Palin shared a palpable circumambient heat, the nature of which went well beyond global warming. They were spotted holding hands at Cedar Breaks, canoodling amongst the hoodoos at Bryce, and French-kissing near the cliffs of Kolob. The latter event was so conspicuously personal that a park ranger had to issue a warning ticket, citing imminent danger to the morals of innocent children and fantasies of middle-aged, married lifers.

“I seen that lip-lock of Al and Tipper’s at the Democratic Convention back in 2000, but this here smooch was a whole ’nother thing,” said officer Art Lomper. “I’m just glad my teenage daughter didn’t catch a glimpse of them two going at it.”

The furor surrounding the couple’s coup de foudre has no equivalent in modern times. Their shocking conjugation leaves other fun couples—Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg, Lisa Marie and Michael Jackson, Ralph Becker and Heidi Montag—in the dust. One has to go all the way back to the ancient days of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, when their flagrant display of animal lust was condemned by moral authorities on all levels, from former Secretary of Agriculture and future LDS prophet Ezra Taft Benson to Pope John XXIII, whose Vatican Office of Decency issued a warrant for their arrest on the grounds of Liz and Dick’s “erotic vagrancy.”

Before Mr. Gore and Ms. Palin were captured flagrante delicto, there had been much speculation as to whether a third party was responsible for the split between Mr. Gore and his wife Tipper. Very few folks would have guessed that the homewrecker would turn out to be Ms. Palin. As for the controversial former Governor of Alaska and one-time beauty queen, well, it’s safe to say that America was shocked at the revelation of the love knot with the former Harvard roommate of Tommy Lee Jones and acknowledged inventor of the Internet.

It’s safe to say that the Gore/Palin alliance (referred to in the tabloids as Palore’, rhyming with amore’) has totally changed the political landscape. Some are hopeful that the ascendency of Palore’ will end the bitter partisan bickering that has so poisoned our national politics. Already, one can detect the influence of Mr. Gore on the positions, political and otherwise, of Ms. Palin. The self-professed hockey mom has recently said that marijuana is not so bad, having herself taken a toke or two now and then (which explains her curiously loopy syntax).

The twosome is expected to be the hottest ticket in the 2012 election, but all bets are off with regard, to who will be in the top position.

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