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Home / Articles / News / Staff Box /  Staffbox | Write an Onion-style headline
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Staffbox | Write an Onion-style headline

By City Weekly Staff
Posted // August 13,2008 - The Onion is known for its hilarious fake stories and headlines. Make up your own Onion-style headline about some Utah issue.

Nick Clark: “Utahn Blames Democratic Vote on Alco-pop.”

Derek Carlisle: “Moroni Sheds Gold in Protest of Beijing.” And, “Downtown SLC Crowd Complains of Long Beer Lines at Free Outdoor Concert.”

Paula Saltas: “God Speaks to Utah Leaders: “Don’t Make Me Come Down There.”

Cody Winget: “Obama, Nation’s Democrats Descend on Colorado for DNC. Utahns Fortify Borders Fearing Invasion from Crazed Liberal Antiwar Machine.”

Holly Mullen: “Utah Leaders to Beijing: Take a Bite Out of That Chunky Olympic Air, It’s Only ‘Haze’”

Jeff Reese: “Studies Show Utah’s 3.2 Beer Laws Lead to More Aesthetically Pleasing Population Due to Less Effective ‘Beer Goggles.’”

Ted McDonough: “Mayor Has Rocky Envy, Reportedly Tells Aides, ‘My Hair’s Just As Good.’”

Jesse James Burnitt: “Utah Senate Passes Bill Officially Making Utah a “Blinker Optional” State.

Jerre Wroble: “Editor, Dead Two Weeks, Found at Desk Appearing to Be Reading Copy”

Bryan Bale: “Chris Buttars Seeks Advice For Anti-Gay Legislation. Consults with Idaho Sen. Larry Craig in Closed-Door Restroom Conference.”

Cesar Guzman: “LDS Church Launches Own Fashion Magazine.”

Stephen Matney: “Asked About Feelings on Local Comedian’s Second Place Finish in a Nationally Televised Competition, Local Media Outlets Respond, ‘Who?’”

And, “Local Humanitarian Walks North on Main Street, Declares Bankruptcy by 200 South.”

Bill Frost: “Real Salt Lake Declines State Money, Will ‘Rape Residents Directly.’” And, “Utah Jazz Win in Squeaker Against Olympus High.”

 
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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // August 14,2008 at 08:51 Utah Legislature Revealed to be Dedicated Satire Troupe ’Making a point’

 

REPLY TO THIS COMMENT
Posted // August 14,2008 at 07:46 SL County District Attorney Lohra Miller found, “Competent,” Senator Chris Buttars not so lucky.nnWater Conservation Study critical of LDS Church for practice of throwing away left over sacrament water, Church Leaders discuss blessing water fountain.nnAttorney General Mark Shurtleff quoted for saying, “I should have accepted escort agency employee Jordan’ offer.” Shurtleff’ unprecedented knee jerk reaction against the Doll House real cause of major leg surgery.nnShurtleff questioned for lack of action in State Treasurer race bribery accusations, responds that his office is only operating on one good leg.

 

 
 
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