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Home / Articles / News / Staff Box /  Staffbox | Can you help Sarah Palin think up more imaginative names for future children?
Staff Box

Staffbox | Can you help Sarah Palin think up more imaginative names for future children?

By City Weekly Staff
Posted // September 3,2008 - Piper, Bristol, Willow, Track and Trig: These are the names vice-presidential hopeful Sarah Palin gave her kids. Can you help Palin think up more imaginative names for future children (or grandchildren)?

Derek Jones: Based on the fact that John McCain has already claimed Palin as his “soul mate,” and the way he stared at her ass during the acceptance speech, I think it is only fitting that she name her future child/grandchild Mac Daddy, as homage to the man who jumpstarted her career.

Annie Quan: Well, since her 17-year-old daughter Bristol just dropped out of high school because she’s pregnant, she could name her grandchild Hypocrite.

Doug Kruithof: Michael Jr. after her illegitimate Monty Python alum spawn.

Susan Kruithof: Bubba, Cleavon, Cletus, Elrod, Amaleen, Crystal, Misty Dawn and Shirleen for starts. I’m over these new-age redneck names. Keep it old school. Redneck names for red-state idiots. God bless America!

Jackie Briggs: Is “I’mnotyourmomI’myourgrandma” too long?

Jamie Gadette: I’d name them after the cast of HBO’s The Wire: Stringer Bell, Bubs, Proposition Joe, Herc, Omar, Avon, Brodie, Wee-Bay, Marlo, Snoop … No one will f—k with them!

Eric S. Peterson: Going with an Alaskan theme, how about the name Dewlap? It’s the name for part of the moose’s anatomy. You know, that fleshy sack that hangs directly under the moose’s … chin.

Nick Clark: Shotgun, named for the coming wedding. Or perhaps Abstinence, the fail-safe teen birth-control method exercised by Palin and her (large) family.

Bryan Bale: Please, no more offspring!

Scott Renshaw: Clearly she can’t be a real American if she gives her kids weird names. Maybe her young’uns can get together with their Hollywood e-leet friends Kal-el, Apple, Scout, Suri and Banjo.

Andrea Moore: Bastard. I really like this word and I think it would make an equally great and appropriate name.

Jeremiah Smith: I think Bridge, Wolfkiller and Sucession would fit quite nicely and leave the legacy she would like. tttt

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Posted // September 7,2008 at 16:56 Precocious equivalency? What a moron.


Posted // September 4,2008 at 19:31 Anonymous, I’ve got your name right here (first & last).... Blow Me! nnI think that explains everything there is to know about your precocious equivalency. Try having some balls rather than hiding behind some moniker you turd. n nEGeist , you hit the nail on the head.


Posted // September 4,2008 at 11:47 How about Surge, since she loves it so much? nnOr Borealis or LaSteve or Nazkar or Polaris or Remington?


Posted // September 4,2008 at 11:00 what about immacculate conception? we all know that bristol and sarah would never get pregnant outside of marriage, because that would be hypocritical. Or even better let’s name the child iraq. seeing as how both were god’s plan according to sarah.


Posted // September 4,2008 at 10:51 that is racist to make fun of african american names. making fun of sarah palin’s children’s names is not racists in that it is not a racially motivated comment, and she did not pick names that are traditionally known to be caucasian. However, your comment focuses soleyl on race and names thata re known to be traditionally african american. Go to hell.