Martha Arndt had no idea whether she would be booed or simply given a stone-cold reception when she decided to march with the group Mormons Building Bridges in the June 2012 Pride Parade. The former LDS Primary president and Relief Society counselor was nervous as she dressed in her Sunday best, grabbed her scripture bag and headed out with a friend to drive from Logan to Salt Lake City.
Arndt is not your average “don’t make waves” Mormon. For example, she doesn’t fall in line with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ opposition to same-sex marriage. “I’d like to see the church recognize gay marriage as being a legitimate marriage,” she says. “But I would also like to see [LGBT people] take it to the point of obeying the LDS law of chastity, where the policy of no sex before marriage would apply to gay relationships, as well.”
Arndt likens her desire to see her church accept same-sex marriage to that of wanting an employer to change its policy on an issue. You may not be completely happy with either your church or your boss, but “you do a cost-benefit analysis and decide that the benefits are greater than the deficits.” She’d like to see politics removed from marriage, and for all nations to allow “any two mentally capable adults who were not coerced” to marry. She sees the church as taking “small steps” but acknowledges “allowing gay people to be sealed in the temple might be a bigger step than many Mormons could accept right now.”
Arndt has no relatives or friends who are openly gay. But, as an active Mormon, she wants LGBT folks to know that LDS Church members support them. “They don’t need to conform in order for us to love and accept them,” she says.
But while many in the LGBT community say such love and acceptance are long overdue, some wonder if it can be enough. The LDS Church’s doctrinal position is clear. An official statement on the church’s website reads: “Any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, and we define marriage as between a man and a woman.”
Such an unflinching position can strain family relationships. A May 22, 2012, article in LDS Living Magazine (which is a division of Deseret Book but is not an official church publication) titled “Relating to Your Son or Daughter Experiencing Same-gender Attraction: Advice to Parents” by M. Catherine Thomas illustrates the mental torment some Mormon parents live with. “At some point, parents are faced with situations in which they wonder what boundary lines might be appropriate because their love for their child versus their sense of right and wrong can create conflict in their minds. Such situations might include whether to attend a marriage or commitment ceremony, or what role a potential partner might play within the family.”
Thomas’ article refers to a 2006 interview with Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, and Elder Lance B. Wickman, a member of the Seventy. In the interview, transcribed on MormonNewsroom.org, Oaks was asked if parents should allow LGBT children to bring their partners home for the holidays. “I can imagine that in most circumstances the parents would say, ‘Please don’t do that. Don’t put us into that position,’ ” Oaks said. “Surely if there are children in the home who would be influenced by this example, the answer would likely be that.”
Oaks went on to say, “I can also imagine some circumstances in which it might be possible to say, ‘Yes, come, but don’t expect to stay overnight. Don’t expect to be a lengthy houseguest. Don’t expect us to take you out and introduce you to our friends, or to deal with you in a public situation that would imply our approval of your ‘partnership.’ ”
The church says it’s OK for its members to experience same-sex attractions as long as the feelings are not acted upon. Thus, you can be openly gay and a temple-endowed Mormon—just don’t plan on getting married or having sex with a same-sex partner the rest of your earthly life.
Oaks compared the prospect of being gay and unable to marry with that of being physically disabled: “The circumstance of being currently unable to marry, while tragic, is not unique. … life is full of physical infirmities that some might see as discriminations—total paralysis or serious mental impairment being two that are relevant to marriage,” he said.
It’s not just the church elders imposing their views on same-sex marriage. Church members themselves consider homosexuality socially unacceptable. According to a fall 2011 Pew Research Center, only 25 percent of Mormons surveyed said homosexuality should be accepted by society while 65 percent believed it should be discouraged.
So, what can a group of dressed-up-for-Sunday Mormons marching in a Pride Parade really hope to accomplish? It could amount to a complete disconnect if they raise the hopes and expectations of disfellowshipped LDS members, lulling them into thinking that the church will one day soon alter its position on homosexuality. And yet, judging by the outpouring of Utah Pride tears and embraces, the mild-mannered dissent/show of support expressed by the 300-strong Mormons Building Bridges group marching the parade’s six blocks in downtown Salt Lake City turned out to be a striking statement.
“Mom, I Really Can’t Do This”
When Erika Munson formulated her idea for Mormons Building Bridges, she mainly wanted to encourage gay members of the church to stick around. “There hasn’t been a way for Mormons to reach out to gay people. We haven’t known how to do it,” says Munson, a Harvard graduate, English teacher and mother of five who lives in Sandy. “When kids figure out that they are gay, they stop coming to church and disappear. They say, ‘I had to decide between my sexual identity and my church.’ It is the saddest thing. Straight, active Mormons often don’t realize how unhappy they are to leave.”
Two events in Munson’s life had brought her to this place: “As my kids have grown up and reached the age of 16 or 17, they sensed a disconnect of the unconditional love of Jesus that they learned about in church with an unwillingness to show that love to LGBT people.”
When her bishop planned to schedule an interview for her 18-year-old son to become an elder—a priesthood office in the church—“he looked at me and said, ‘Mom, I really can’t do this.’ He mentioned a teacher at his school who heads the gay-straight alliance, saying, ‘This guy is one of the most spiritual people I know. How could there not be a place in the church for him?’”
In another instance, Munson was visiting California during her daughter’s freshman year at University of California Los Angeles. “Everyone was talking about Proposition 8. The whole Relief Society meeting was about organizing for Proposition 8,” she recalls. “My daughter was really saddened by that and hasn’t gone back to church.”
Munson says that her commitment to LGBT people “stems from my faith in the teachings of Jesus Christ who preached not to judge and to love unconditionally, particularly those who may be marginalized by society.”
Two weeks before the parade, she met with local gay activist Troy Williams. “Erika Munson said something so different that I had been waiting for a Mormon to tell me for years,” Williams says. “She said, ‘I love you for who you are, not in spite of who you are.’ ” She mentioned her unprecedented idea of having Mormons march in the Utah Pride Parade. Williams thought, “This is one different kind of Mormon.”
Gay or not. Why should the gay community tell what Mormons should do or believe? Just except the fact that if u choose to act in a way that is not accepted by the mormon folks they may not want you o be part of their club! Get over it and move on. Or, just open your own church. Why should we change when u don't want to? Not everyone will accept the life style you decide to have. That's life, get over it. And why in the hell can't you people talk about something else for Gods sake! Don't you people have other interests besides being Gay? Most straights folks never get married anyways what's the fuss about it. Go read a book or something.
All of this ceases to be a conflict when we realize that, in reality, the gay identity is based on a fiction. As someone who experienced what some would call "same sex attraction" I am absolutely convinced that experiencing a sexual response in the presence of a same-sex stimulus does not have to result in the logical jump of infering a specific identity (self-imposing the label of "gay"). In reality, so called "gays, lesbians, etc. " are no different from everyone else. To be gay is to accept an idea, belief, or philosophy. Virtually everyone is capable of being sexually aroused in the presence of non-traditional stimuli. LGBT-identified people do not represent a discretely different type of person, and therefore, already have all the same rights every body else enjoys.
Sure, Ms. Munson claims that she "loves" gays, just as she preaches that her God loves all His children unconditionally. Then again, her loving God demanded that gays be killed (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1: 24-32); and her church promotes these same biblical passages as Mormon "basic beliefs".
"Love," as in Leviticus: "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. "
And, "love," as in Romans 1, of the New Testament: "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly…Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death. "
I state unambiguously, unequivocally, that the Mormon God is wrong, not only now, but then.
Munson won't. As a faithful Mormon, she can't. She is beholden and inferior to the bigoted God she worships, who is never, ever wrong. (Even though He changes His mind a lot. )
MBM mouth-meister Kendall Wilcox took it one step further, explicitly stating that the Leviticus death command was "possibly" right, back then. Yes, you did, Kendall. Yes, you did. No matter how much you now try to deny it. But, hey, no problem: You're welcome to pop onto the CW comment boards again, and share your testimony. Deny your God. Say it loud, and say it proud: "The Mormon God was wrong, not only now, but then. "
And then there's MBM's ever-amazing, full-of-love Sister Stephanie Lauritzen, who, when it comes to Leviticus, explicitly stated, "I don't think God was wrong. "
So, yeah, Munson "loves" gays. And "God is love," and Heavenly Father "loves all His children unconditionally. " So long as "love" means demanding that your gay children be killed.
Feel the love! With love like that, who needs hate?
But there are many for whom this lovefest doesn't suffice. Count me among them.
Because, despite its declarations to love thy neighbor, MBB still faithfully supports the Church in its deliberate discrimination against gays in both employment and marriage. In Mormon practice as well as preaching, gay lovers aren't even good enough to pick up Mormon gym trash; and they certainly shouldn’t be allowed the basic human right to marry one other.
In the end, those are the basic beliefs that the Mormon Church itself practices as well as preaches, and the basic beliefs to which MBB is faithful.
Sorry, Mormons: Marriage is a civil right, not just a religious ceremony. Within broad limits, you can practice your bigotry in your church. But you can't use your ridiculous theology as grounds to deny gays a marriage license and its associated civil benefits, any more than you can use it to deny gays a driver's license, or (now-a-days, at least), deny whites and blacks the right to marry, as you did till 1963.
Religious bigotry is still bigotry. Even if you call it "love. "
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For a follow-up to my original CW guest op-ed, see "Deceptions, Devils, and Delusions: Mormons Building Bridges, 2": UtahfreethinkersDOTcom/deceptions-devils-and-delusions-mormons-building-bridges-2/ (Replace the "DOT"; CW doesn't allow live links. )
Mikee,
Are you intimating that we Mormon's are racists? If so, here is my answer -The vast majority of all anti-Mormon statements can be traced back to the early and mid 1800’s where they were fabricated by hate filled murderers, and those who love to make a lie. Thus, they persecuted the Mormons even unto death with their carefully crafted words.
Mormons have never have been, and never will be racists, and don't believe anyone who tells you differently. Here's why:
1. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has never forbidden blacks from joining the Church, or forced them into separate congregations.
2. In 1833 Joseph Smith received a revelation from Jesus Christ that said "Therefore it is not right that one man should be in bondage to another. " See Doctrine and Covenants Section 101:7
3. In 1838 the Mormons were expelled from the slave state of Missouri under threat of extermination (Executive Order 44 issued by Gov. Boggs). You might ask why did Boggs issue this order? Well in this case one of the main reasons was that the anti-Mormons were complaining that the Mormons had invited “free negroes and mulattos” to join them in Missouri. That complaint sounds like those people were of the same mindset as the KKK doesn't it?
4. Then, in 1844 Joseph Smith ran for President with a plan to free all slaves by 1850. His plan was for the federal government to purchase them, and set them free. He was murdered four months later. That sounds like what happened to Martin Luther King.
5. Like so many Mormons, I also had three ancestors who died as a result of that persecution, and other family members who almost lost their lives as well. So you see, Mormons have always been the black man's friend.
6. To all of these things I would add my testimony that during my 45 years as an adult in the Church (1967 to present) I have never seen anything but brotherly love extended to our African American members and black visitors in any of the various ward congregations I have lived in. And, I have moved around a lot.
7. Furthermore, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches that every man, woman, and child on this earth is literally a child of God. That means we are all brothers and sisters, and any black person who has ever met with our missionaries or attended our church services can testify to you that they were treated with brotherly Love and kindness. 8. Now, our detractors will tell you that the Church did not ordain those of black African decent to the ministry from 1830's until 1978. That is basically correct. The Lord revealed to Joseph Smith that he should refrain from doing so. Then, in June of 1978 God gave a revelation to the Prophet Spencer W. Kimball that the time had finally come when all worthy men in the Church should be given the Priesthood. So, the question arises, why did the Lord wait so long to give that revelation?
9. First, let me say that the Lord has never given his reasons for this delay. However, it is my "personal opinion" that if blacks had been called and ordained to the Priesthood, and later become leaders within the Church, then every Mormon both black and white would have been lynched or shot instead of being forced to leave the state of Missouri under threat of extermination.
Not only that, but we have sent our missionaries throughout the United States and around the globe from the very beginning of the Church to the present day. With that in mind, note that by 1860 the KKK came into existence with a vengence. Now imagine the persecution, beatings, lynching's, etc. , that they would have carried out against mixed Mormon congregations led by black priesthood holders prior to the Civil Rights movement. So you see, our not ordaining blacks of African descent prior to 1978 had absolutely nothing to do with Mormons being racists. In fact, according to my way of thinking, it was exactly the opposite.
10. The persecution of our Church and its members took on a new form when the main body of our Church membership moved beyond the reach of the rapists and the hate filled murderers of the 1800's. Since that time, we have mainly been persecuted by anti-Mormon publications which are built upon misinformation, out of context quotes and private interpretations of our doctrines by non-members, atheists, excommunicated members and former members who have left the Church after being sucked into the circle of hate.
Just read the postings in this thread and you will get an idea of what I am talking about. Notice how we Mormons are only posting to defend our faith while others attack us. That's when you will start to understand what's really going on in the media today.
11. Last of all, the detractors of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will point to past views and opinions which were expressed by leaders of our Church as to why the Lord didn't want us to ordain those of black African descent. Of course, the truth is they didn't really know, because the Lord had never revealed his reasons. The Apostle Bruce R. McConkie was present in June of 1978 when the Lord finally gave the revelation instructing the Church to ordain all worthy men to the Priesthood. The revelation was received by the Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, and confirmed by revelation to all of the Apostles at the same time by the power of the Holy Ghost. Elder McConkie of the Twelve later wrote the following:
"Forget everything that I have said, or what President Brigham Young or President George Q. Cannon or whosoever has said in days past that is contrary to the present revelation. We spoke with a limited understanding and without the light and knowledge that now has come into the world. We get our truth and our light line upon line and precept upon precept. We have now had added a new flood of intelligence and light on this particular subject, and it erases all the darkness and all the views and all the thoughts of the past. They don't matter any more. It doesn't make a particle of difference what anybody ever said about the Negro matter before the first day of June 1978. It is a new day and a new arrangement, and the Lord has now given the revelation that sheds light out into the world on this subject. As to any slivers of light or any particles of darkness of the past, we forget about them. We now do what meridian Israel did when the Lord said the gospel should go to the gentiles. We forget all the statements that limited the gospel to the house of Israel, and we start going to the gentiles. "
In other words, the gospel was at one time only preached to the Jews. Then, after the crucifixion of Christ, the time came when Peter received the revelation that it was time for it to be preached to the gentiles. That's the way it was with us. At first we were instructed not to ordain those of Black African descent, but on the first day of June 1978 the Lord said the time for doing so had arrived. That revelation was received 34 years ago, and we have been ordaining all worthy male members to the Priesthood ever since.
" Oaks was asked if parents should allow children to bring their black partners home for the holidays. “I can imagine that in most circumstances the parents would say, ‘Please don’t do that. Don’t put us into that position,’ ” Oaks said. “Surely if there are children in the home who would be influenced by this example, the answer would likely be that. ”
Oaks went on to say, “I can also imagine some circumstances in which it might be possible to say, ‘Yes, come, but don’t expect to stay overnight. Don’t expect to be a lengthy houseguest. Don’t expect us to take you out and introduce you to our friends, or to deal with you in a public situation that would imply our approval of your ‘partnership. ’ ”
Fixed that for ya, Oaks.