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8 important (and only) news stories being reported this week

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Eight important (and only) news stories being reported this week:

8. “Could Utah get even fatter? The opening of Dunkin’ Donuts: an investigative report.”

7. “Donuts are healthier than celery: A correction to our previous report, brought to you by Dunkin’ Donuts.”

6. “Profiles in courage: Survivors of the Trader Joe’s opening of 2012 line up for Dunkin’ Donuts.”

5. “There’s evil coffee, too: What every parent of obese, borderline-diabetic children should know about Dunkin’ Donuts.”

4. “Breaking: Transplanted New Englanders scramble to find new chain to bitch about not being in Utah.”

3. “Coming up during Dunkin’ Watch 2013: The local donut shops we’ve never mentioned before and never will again.”

2. “Attorney General John Swallow: ‘Hey, I’m off the front page! Thanks, Dunkin’!’”

1. “Will Dunkin’ Donuts satisfy Utah’s desperate need for corporate validation until the next national chain opens? Live team coverage at 10.”

Twitter: @Bill_Frost

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