Monday, March 21, 2016

Trump v. Sanders Supporters: Who Wore It Best?

Posted By on March 21, 2016, 12:31 PM

Friday, March 18 was one for the books in Salt Lake City as both Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump and his Democrat arch nemesis Bernie Sanders graced our soil days before Utah’s curious caucus (John Kasich was also in town, but let’s get real, he’s like a poor man's Mojo to Trump and Sanders’ Magneto and Professor X.) Thousands flooded to hear the candidates take center stage—Sanders with his free healthcare and corporate taxing mumbo-jumbo—and Trump, the people’s candidate, who took his time in SLC to eloquently question Mitt Romney’s Mormonism (FINALLY someone said it!)


I arrived early to the Sanders rally at This Is the Place Heritage Park, where the line serpentined well past the statue of ol’ Brigham and Co., and set up shop alongside some U of U students. One of them gazed at the droves of people and mused, “It feels like a Bernie line, but it looks like the line to a Dave Matthews Band concert.” I nodded, channeling my best Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed, and silently thanked Kiehl's, makers of fine facial moisturizing products since 1851.


Afterward, one of my new buds warned me that I was about to step in deer dung (Because, Sanders). I dropped a “Rufus.”


Trump's rally later that evening at the Infinity Event Center went a tad different. Still, we'll focus on the positive.


Both rallies drew a slew of staunch sign-carrying supporters:

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Both cast a multigenerational net:

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Al least one of them had a rockin' scooter:

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And both boasted an impressive K-9 detail:

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  • Colby Frazier
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  • File Photo
But, the berning question on everybody's mind: Who has the most fashionable supporters? To help us decide, we recruited the talents of two of Salt Lake's finest—socialite, promoter and fashionista Princess Kennedy and top fashion mastermind Jared Gold of Black Chandelier fame. 

First off: The Stylish Socialists

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Princess Kennedy: I'd be plucked if I got photo bombed by some B that had the real version of my wig.
Jared Gold: Patriotic millinery really doesn't get as much play as it used to. I am happy to see a strong comeback.


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Princess Kennedy: What's that, Bern? We can't hear you over her jacket.
Jared Gold: I love these two...patriotic and artistic. Clearly, Berning up for your love.


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Princess Kennedy: Are backwards baseball caps a thing again?
Jared Gold: Thank God for Gen-Y. Why? They are optimistic, vote and are immune to spin.


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Princess Kennedy: Bernie and the Revolution.
Jared Gold: Yes, Salt Lake! Daytime brocade and energetic hair? YES!


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Princess Kennedy: Hipster terrorism.
Jared Gold: People ask me what it is like in Salt Lake and I always say, the men are so beautiful...right under all the layers and hair.


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Princess Kennedy: Liberal pattern mixing.
Jared Gold: Those look like Ass-kicking pants! Nobody wants a roundhouse to the face with those bad boys.


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Princess Kennedy: Isis, you look FANTASTIC!
Jared Gold: There always has to be some septuagenarian all gussied up and make us all loath our wardrobe choices. Thanks.


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Princess Kennedy: Tie-dead.
Jared Gold: You can tell this tie-dye really means something to them. I love people trying to do good and dressing for it. Cool.


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Princess Kennedy: The most disturbing part of the outfit is that his head wrap says "Frisco."
Jared Gold: Fry boots, utili-kilt, Raunch sweatshirt...does Bernie go to 11? Slay, Pappa.


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Princess Kennedy: Little Richard on the Prairie.
Jared Gold: This. This right here. This is why you should leave the house and feel the Bern. Those sideburns are burning my insides.

Now it's time for the trendsetting Trumpeters 

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Princess Kennedy: A modern take on the I'm with stupid T.


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Princess Kennedy: Tailor? Never heard of him.


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Princess Kennedy: Make America Great Again by binge eating it
Jared Gold: I would like to group image 1, 2 and 3. What is the deal with khaki pants and patriotic clothing? The most hideous clothing dumped together for a hideous event. Congratulations, you're sagging.


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Princess Kennedy: Supermodel, WERK!
Jared Gold: OK, so the guy in the back looking a bit stunned says it all. He realized when he saw this outfit plus hair cut that he was not at the Bernie event. 


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Princess Kennedy: Eteer? I don't even know 'er!
Jared Gold: I think their look is quite cute. The poster looks kinda cute, too. We can just chalk this one up to: Sweet Spirits without Internet access.


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Princess Kennedy: Ivanka has really let herself go.
Jared Gold: Eeeeew.


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Princess Kennedy: Benjamin Button for Trump!
Jared Gold: Dude! Just hem those pants and America will be great again.


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Princess Kennedy: Homophobia tastes great with a side of Trump hate.
Jared Gold: I hope Trump's health plan will pay for your triple bypass.


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Princess Kennedy: My Trumprecious.
Jared Gold: Behold the rarely seen stealth hippy. He must be an interloper from Bernie's place. Wait, check his lunchbox! I new it...quinoa.


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Princess Kennedy: Quick, everyone in the Tardis! I'll save you.
Jared Gold: He is totally fascinating. I mean...the masochism. Why? It's almost like wearing glitter lip gloss while passing the sacrament. Right look, wrong crowd, dude.

So, in the end who won on Friday? Is America going to be fashionable again? Or are we doomed to four years of patchouli? It would be a cop-out to say that democracy won, so I'll just go out on a limb and declare Dave Matthews the winner. I mean, seriously, it'd been years since I thought of the guy; and I've had that damn "Everyday" song stuck in my head all weekend long. Sing with me, comrades! 

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Enrique Limón

Enrique Limón

Bio:
Managing editor at Salt Lake City Weekly. Lover of sour candies.

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